I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 16. She missed her period last month and after taking a pregnancy test we found out she def. was pregnant. We are still debating whether to get an abortion or to keep it. The father is an alcoholic and cheats on her mother. He's rarely around during the day and just comes home to sleep after getting back from the bar late at night. He also has no idea that im dating his daughter and that she is pregnant. The Mother is aware that she is and knows me very well. However, shes Bi-polar and goes on crazy rages and beats on her kids. She already saids shes gonna kill the baby if we dont get an abortion. I'm very worried for my girlfriends sake cause the living conditions are worse then ever. I'm afraid her mother will end up seriously hurting her and kill the baby. I want to get an apartment and just have her live with me for the last 2 years of highschool. Can she live with me legally? And if not what could I possibly do to help. Please help.
2007-12-10 00:21:10 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
She's 16...and her family is a wreck. Sounds like if she wants to keep this child, she needs to go to Child Protective Services for her and the childs own good.
She cannot live with you legally...she would have to have her mothers permission.
She should go to a school counselor and tell them what is going on. There are places to help kids like her in her position.
2007-12-10 00:25:12 · answer #1 · answered by GayLF 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's one more option that you should consider. There are many couples that want a child but can't have one biologically. Consider that your girlfriend was given a gift for completing a family for a couple who is prepared, both financially and otherwise to raise and nurture a child.
Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely pro-choice, so I believe that abortion is also a viable choice, if that's what your girlfriend decides.
IMO, keeping the child would be the biggest mistake you and your girlfriend could make (besides the one that you already made). Your both too young to raise a child. You would probably end up resenting the child, and each other, should you decide to live with each other. This would only repeat the cycle that her family is going through.
2007-12-10 08:56:44 · answer #2 · answered by Steve 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not have an abortion, but that is just me. If you guys don't want the baby because of the living conditions, then give it up for adoption to someone that will love and care for the baby. Legally, the girl cannot move out right now. But, if you and the girl marry (with parental consent) then she is considered an emancipated adult and can live with you. Talk to the mother on a good day and see what she thinks. Good luck and please don't kill the baby....I have a sister in law that has been trying for ten years to have a baby.....so I know there is someone that would take good care of your baby.
2007-12-10 08:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by Scooter_The_Squirrels_Wifey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bobby, my mind is spinning. You have several things you need to seriously consider.
First, your girlfriend needs to see her school counselor. You seem like a concerned boyfriend/dad, but what are you doing getting her pregnant?! If you truly care about her, encourage her to see her school counselor and to make some decisions on her own - not what YOU want, but what she WANTS and NEEDS.
Next, your girlfriend can consider emancipation depending on where you live and if her mother will sign the papers. But I worry that she'll be going from one bad situation (her parents to living with you and honestly, I'm more worried about her!)
Can you afford raising a baby and allowing your gf to finish her schooling? Don't kid yourself, it's going to be very expensive and more work than you can imagine, especially if you're still living with mom and dad. It's going to change your life and hers.
I encourage her to give the baby up for adoption or alas, yes, abort. Both of you are undoubtedly not ready to have a baby, I'm sorry to say. You're both living at home, she's underage and has no high school diploma and you are both financially unstable. A baby is a lot of responsibility and work, don't take it lightly.
2007-12-10 08:35:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a horrible situation for your girlfriend to be living in, pregnant or not.
I would suggest that she talk to a school guidance counselor or a trusted adult about what is going on and how it makes her feel. I believe the laws vary from state to state, but at least in NY she cannot just move out of her house and in with you unless the mother agrees. The mother can call the cops on you, and the cops would have to come and get her. Maybe the laws are different in your state, but regardless I really think the next step she takes needs to be consulting an adult about her living conditions. One violent episode from her mother and it could have fatal consequences for your unborn child, and possibly your girlfriend.
Good luck, and please encourage to seek the help of an adult.
2007-12-10 08:59:45 · answer #5 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Legally she is still a child. However depending on what state you live in, she may be able to marry you. If there is a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area, please go there and discuss your options. They will help you and your girlfriend find the necessary resources for having and raising this baby or putting it up for adoption. Your girlfriend has a crappy home situation and does not sound ready to take on the responsibilities of motherhood without family support which appears to be nonexistent to physically threatening.
Abortion is an available option if you and your girlfriend choose it, but that's a decision you need to make SOON!
2007-12-10 08:35:19 · answer #6 · answered by sursumcorda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I am not a proponent of abortion...
You two are in no position to keep and raise a child. You will end up exposing the child to abuse (grandma and grandpa) or you will end up repeating the abuse cycle yourselves.
What's worse, your sweet girlfriend is slowly going to come to resent you for taking away her youth. She resent every party, college class, and other boyfriend that she'll never have because you made her a mommy at age 16.
You'll see that resentment as rejection, and you will eventually want to find a way out for yourself. You'll end up joining the ranks of the deadbeat dad brigade, and you will doom your child to poverty and neglect.
I am not saying this out of meanness or judgment of your choices. This is what happens in most of these cases.
Talk to a counselor about the adoption option.
2007-12-10 08:41:06 · answer #7 · answered by chocolahoma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on where you live and the laws in illinois i know you can go and imancipate yourself at 16. which means make yourself a legal adult also if she is pregnant here it also means she is already a legal adult. Otherwise its only about 300 bucks to make herself legal. You both need to do something if the mother has threated to kill the baby there are some issues you can also take to court to get her out of that house. i wish you both the best of luck.
2007-12-10 08:27:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
# 1 you have a serious problem. As an adult you can be arrested and jailed for having sex with a 16y/o. #2 Even if things are as bad as you say they are the courts will look to the parents for whether to arrest you. #3 As a father you have to decide how you will provide for a child. That is the way I see it.
That said if you really want to help then get her to the court first and help her apply for adult status(different states call it different names). Support her she is the one that will end up carrying Your child. Always do your best for you children, even when it means personal sacrifice. Do not run from child support obligations.
2007-12-10 08:35:59 · answer #9 · answered by James E Lewis AKA choteau 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if she is 16 she can legally live with you. Also, if she makes the choice to live with you then it will be fine. Also consider calling the police and having a chat with them. They can give you advice on what her mother has said as that sounds an awful lot like a threat to me. Im also sure that your girlfriend is greatful that she has someone so concerened and supportive of her
2007-12-10 08:29:46 · answer #10 · answered by Natalie Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋