I hate the concept of a Secret Santa ..?

Question

but unfortunately could not avoid my departmental one this year ..... what should I buy for my 45 year old, butt-ugly, partially blind, fearfully annoying, secretary, who has no social life and whom I hate?

Thanks in advance.

Elizadushku - I know you're not her, cos you can type.

Elizadushku - I know you're not her, cos you can type.

Boomaloha - I am upper management ... and spellcheck is quicker, easier and won't tell me a boring story about it's brother .....

Answer 1

reverse psychology : buy her a teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy sexy silky pantie!
she will be flattered thinking that someone in the office actually thinks her butt is that small..
(of course by being partially blind and all, she may just think it's a handkerchief and use it to wipe off the tears of joy for such a lovely present..)

Answer 2

Just wrap up some old clutter from your house that you were thinking of chucking out. Or wrap up a plank of wood or a brick, something totally useless. You obviously don't like her so at least get a laugh when you see her disappointed face.
Or you could type out a verse from the bible and tell her that's the true meaning of Christmas, not presents, then you don't look the tight fisted bad guy but the person with the moral high-ground.

Edit: Or you could give her a P45 in a card, hilarious

Answer 3

A gift card to a place you know she can't stand or to a place that is seriously about to go out of business so it won't be usable for all that much! Or get nasty and if you can figure out what kind of scents she likes/dislikes go the other extreme and get something absolutely nasty, dollar store generic stuff. Just keep in mind that if it gets out at all (especially since your boss knows) it can easily back fire on you and it doesn't sound like you're in the good graces right now with the boss.

Answer 4

well, if she truly is partially blind, buy her a self-help book on tape or CD. This sends the message that there are things about herself you wish she would improve.

But be thankful you have her because she is the one who corrects your English on papers and letters you send up the chain, like not putting a comma in between 'annoying' and 'secretary' and helping to avoid those pesky run-on sentences in your above missive. She's probably saved your butt by not letting crap roll uphill to upper management.

Answer 5

Oh god, so do i!!! Its so stupid!! Ive got to buy for someone who started work today, so i dont even know them at all lol!!
At least shes a girl, buy chocolates. Unimaginative, but who cares. Or you could buy her something useful, like makeup to cover the ugly, glasses to help the blind, a phone book to help the social life or a punch in the face to help the annoying
Good luck

Answer 6

But how do you really feel about your secretary? :-) You can never go wrong with The Body Shop, Bath and Body Works or, my personal favorite, Lush (but Lush is kind of expensive and it sounds like you don't want to spend too much money on her).

Good Luck and Merry Christmas.

Answer 7

Be really, over-the-top nice to her for one day, compliment her, tell her that you appreciate her. I bet she will change amazingly before your eyes.

Poor lady trapped in a work environment where she is hated. There's nothing like feeling disliked to make a person miserable, annoying & unlikable. Pretend to her that you like her & she will probably become a much nicer, warmer person to you - which will be more pleasant for both of you.

Answer 8

Hmmm. The whole idea of Secret Santa scares me. It reminds me of John carpenter's 'The Thing'

Answer 9

I hate Srcret Santa, too. Bath and Body always works.

Answer 10

I agree with the Ann Summers answer. Give her some excitement in her life for once! (not personally)