I know it's not proffesional but's it's good right?
Title: Chariot Race Poem
I wait anxiously and nervously for the brutal race to begin
I start to feel impatient, as time grows shorter and shorter
My mind has turned completely blank and frozen
I see the spectators staring at all the chariot riders and me
The sun was getting hotter and blinding my eyes,
The horses were restless and rearing to go,
Then suddenly the sound of trumpets pierced the air
And the race is on
Yelling and screaming my mind is numb
Round and round in circles we go
Chariots behind me chariots in front
Mayhem everywhere controlling the race
Eight teams that started, now five only left
Will I make it or will I join the three?
I urge on my horses to give their best
But today it is not going to be
And suddenly it’s over, but not as I hoped
My horses are beaten, though we are not last
The spoils to the winner, at least for today
Next time we’ll be there, first.
2007-12-09 21:28:43 · 6 answers · asked by *BlueWolf* 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I THOUGHT IT WAS CREATIVE KEEP TRYING
2007-12-09 21:41:02 · answer #1 · answered by MICHAEL ROGERS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is pretty creative, but it needs to flow better. It sounds more like a short story. I really like the straight-forwardness of it.
2007-12-10 05:50:08 · answer #2 · answered by Des 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's more of a story than a poem. You also go from pretense to past tense back to pretense.
2007-12-10 13:02:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT ILL BE HARSH TO CRITICIZE U I FEEL.but ithink you must improve on the order of the words ...all else is creative though.GOOD LUCK!!!3RD stanza is really good
2007-12-10 11:57:33 · answer #4 · answered by jahaan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is great. it shows us something you think about.i like it.
2007-12-10 05:40:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah,it's okay..atleast you tried..
2007-12-10 05:35:36 · answer #6 · answered by ♥MIMI♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋