Dear Dogs,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Schumacher and is not a racetrack Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, growl, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6.Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fas hions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
2007-12-09 20:02:53 · 30 answers · asked by Roxy. 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Roxy< I absolutly adore that! I agree with you. I might add to it, "You do not have to sleep on top of me" I will not fall off, you re not a paper weight to hold me down, I will not blow away.
I have been bathing by myself since childhood, I do not need an audience.
You do not have to have a bite of everything I eat, I cooked the food and there is no reason to test for poison.
If you are going to pass gas, please point that "end" away from my face.
I am not the door man, I open the door to let you out, I open the door to let you in, then out, then it. You do not need to go in the yard 15 times in an hour!
Please stop eating the toilet paper, it is for EXTERNAL use only, not a source of fiber
When I get up from where I was sitting, you do not need to keep it "warm" for me and give me the sad looks when I try to reclaim my seat
2007-12-09 20:15:38 · answer #1 · answered by slk29406 6 · 10⤊ 1⤋
True, oh so true lol. We especially like the 11 points about why cats and dogs are better than kids....The last point, number 4, on the message to non-pet owners sounds like Stef's b/f apart from the walking on all fours part! He's not very tall (Stef's only 5ft3" so that doesn't matter), he mumbles most of the time and we can't understand him (Stef translates), and he's trying to grow a beard at the moment but is looking more like Catweazle every time we see him lol.
2007-12-09 21:49:46 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Roxy, that was so right on and I loved the add ons from the others too. My "babies" have been such a blessing to me.
My two little shih tzus. They have several outfits...sweaters etc, but it isn't cold enough to warrant me putting them on them
very often what with all of the fluffy fur they have and our south Texas weather. Your dogs are just beautiful and so white. Mine are white too. Good post Rox!
Here's your well deserved star.
2007-12-10 05:48:28 · answer #3 · answered by Eve 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's pretty much it, as long as you set aside a "gazillion" dollars for vet bills, which are bound to come eventually. Meanwhile, yes, bless the cat for being content with a paper bag & a walnut to bat around. Those 3 a.m. feedings are a pain, though. For the last time, it's not necessary to have the bowl of dry food "freshened up" at 3 a.m., & just because the paper comes at 4:30 a.m. doesn't mean I have to get up at that time to read it.
2016-04-08 05:17:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not necessary to drag all of your toys out of the basket when Iam gone for a short time.
I wish you would not wine if I stay on the computer more than an hour.
Is it really necessary to HAVE to go out side at 4:45 am to just stretch and look around.
My girl is top priority, don't care for dogs, then just stay away. She wags her tail not her tongue.
2007-12-10 01:08:54 · answer #5 · answered by Star doodle 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
great one Roxy !!! a star for you - more if I could !!
do you mind if I print this off so I can give them all an occassional reminder?! I read it to them and they all looked rather amused !!
proudly owned by 4 dogs and 9 cats
2007-12-10 11:12:59 · answer #6 · answered by bassetfreak 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear, these are some great gut-busters. I agree with almost all of them. Because I have at different times in my life stolen the dog's food for myself. Hey, what can I say, it tasted great!
2007-12-10 01:43:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh you must know our 2 dogs. One of them actually puts her head on the pillow and when you come in the room she raises it like the little princess she thinks she is an looks at you like how dare you interrupt my nap. They chase each other through the house and bark all the time. But guess what they give me such enjoyment I would never trade them. Loved this and thanks for sharing
2007-12-09 21:44:09 · answer #8 · answered by jfjohnsonrn2 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
A lot of research gone into this one, very true in parts, good laugh , has its serious parts, remember animals have small brains and rely on instincts
2007-12-09 20:23:38 · answer #9 · answered by DENNIS P 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know I am not allowed to use the correct term to describe my black female Labrador but she is the one laughing at your descriptions as she lies on my bed.She has got one eye on my shortbread biscuit, and putting on her starved look,I know I'll give in.
2007-12-10 06:17:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋