how do you deal with people who play mind games subtly, using words and insinuation, saying things indirectly?

Question

there are people who think its clever to tamper with your mind, saying things that they know will upset you, and in certain situations, theres no way to easily avoid them.

so without completley losing control, getting jaw clenchingly angry....where your growling, and feel like smashing everything in the room to tiny pieces. obviously not a thing to do.

so how do you cope with the demeaning, belittling psychological mind games ?

this would be for a person who is not good at playing mind games back, but build up with rage....where your teeth lock together because theyve got you so angry.......you dont do it.....but you imagine shattering their heads in with a heavy wooden object, completly battering their heads in and throthing at the mouth while you do it..

they play mind games that much and that often, this is how angry theyve got you.

what is the correct way to handle people who do this ?

Answer 1

Been there, done that. People like that have nothing better to do with their time and if you let them get to you they have won. Thats what they want, to make you upset and drag you down as low as they are. Ive been dealing with this kind of thing from a couple different people this past year and all i can tell you is to avoid being around them as much as you can. Remove yourself from their presence because if you get involved or are even around them they will find some way to try to mess with your head. You can always try to play the game back but its really a waste of time because they already know about it because they are use to doing these kinds of things. These are the worst kinds of people.

Answer 2

It upsets me too. If it bothers you enough, you should 'bust' them. When they say something, ask them direct questions about it - and 'deconstruct' what they say. Try to stay calm and as unemotional as you can (easier said than done but if you can do it a few times it will become easier). Shine a light on it. It is a form of mental bullying: when you stand up to the bully they will usually crumble. However, I do think that sometimes people say things in oblique ways because they feel powerless and unable to be direct. Depending on whether you think they are doing it because they are aggressive or controlling, or just protecting themselves because they are vulnerable, react accordingly. If you get help for your condition, talk to your therapist about situations.

Answer 3

Wow! This is exactly the game my x husband use to play. It drove me mad. I would get sucked in every time with anger. Now as I look back, I think maybe he didn't know how to relate properly. Maybe he was so afraid to speak the truth and show his true feelings to expose himself that his fear and weakness turned into this sick little mind playing game. Or maybe he is just a sick mean spirited person. Anyway how to deal with them? At this point in my life I would avoid them like the plague if at all possible. If it is a family member you cant avoid, take the power away from them by not engaging. Remember this " People that anger you, control you". Peace!

Answer 4

It depends on why they are saying it.
If they are responding to a question,all you need to respond to the portion that they answered. However, I have always believed if something someone said to you is bothering you, you should first try to calmly talk about it with the person who said it to you. If you feel sarcasm is annoying you, I don't have a problem with you pulling the person aside and quietly telling that person you didn't appreciate it and why. With respect playing with your mind, quite frankly that one is easy to resolve by simply stating you believe such statements are not the way you see it from your point of view and leave it at that.

Once people understand you think for yourself and understand you are onto them, they will have a more difficult time manipulating you. By being direct and not being afraid to get to the root of the problem, you will go far in not having to dwell on a lot of problems like these.
another positive is that the person may not realize they are doing this and annoying others. He may not understand why he has been losing friends. As long as you realize the problem is with the other person, confronting them is not as hard. As long as you refuse to address it directly with them, the problem will never go away and that person will think everything they are doing is fine-you are too smart to let that continue. By letting them know how you feel, you may also get them to leave you a lone.

Answer 5

First, deal with your rage. Walk away from them, then deal with your anger. Anger, or any emotion, begins as chemicals in the body. To relieve the emotion, change the chemical balance of the body. Exercise (especially upper body, for anger), meditation, massage, music, etc all help you deal with your feelings.

When you've done that, engage your mind. Distill the essence of what they said. Then formulate a true but neutral response for next time, example: "When you use this tone of voice I feel patronized. I don't like it, it makes me not listen to what you have to say. Choose a more gentle tone of voice
if you want me to hear you".

There are communications skills classes and anger management workbooks that can help you with the specifics of the interactions. But the key is to deal with your anger, then translate it into a constructive suggestion.

Best of luck.

Answer 6

This will be so much easier as soon as you realise that your reaction is a choice, I for one am a very selfish person, but I am self sufficient and very happy I refer to this behaviour as babbling, so if some one want to babble let them you don't have to validate them or give it importance, just remain ever so calm and smile, let a smile represent the anger and contempt you feel and just say little condescending things like "that wonderful", that's amazing", or How nice" or I wish that I had more time but I am very busy, I get back with you on that, or make it an inside joke and replace the nastiest Fraze you can think of with, "how nice" insted of go funck your self or eat shitt and die

Answer 7

I know this can be an awful experience and it ignites anger in you that you never knew you had. Dealing with these people is not always easy, but is not impossible. When I have a client who is extremely manipulative I use empathy to understand what he wants and that confuses them. Empathy is letting go of your own reaction and seeing the world from their point of view. Doing this also takes the focus off of you, resulting in less oportunities for sabotage. good luck
Dr. Max S.

Answer 8

I have had the same problem recently.

People I know have been saying nasty and very hurtful things. They think by doing and say these hurtful things you will cave in to their demands.
However keep saying to yourself that you are better than them and that you are not going to lower yourself to their level.
Keep a record of what was said and when
hope this helps.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

1 Patience, don't do something stupid.
2 Action, call them hypocrites, those cowards will leave you alone.
3 Just avoid them, don't be nice to them either.
or
4 Play their game and become just like them
not something I'd recommend.