This guy is crazy, he has been in and out of jail since they have been together. He does a lot of drugs, cheats on her and beats her. She wants to leave him but she is too scared because she believes that he will kill her, our mom and I also believe that he would do it. She has an apartment offered to her and she could move in in January, but it is in the same small town that he lives in. Is there anywhere she could get help? What can I do to help her? Should she move to a different town/city? This is scary.
2007-12-09 18:05:10 · 18 answers · asked by Lady Rae 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
call the police, seriously, this situation has happened too often it would be a tragedy for it to happen again; especially when you may be able to prevent it.
i dont know what country you are from but where i live we have women's violence and justice call centres. they give lots of advice. also, legal aid and centrelink provide women in trouble with the means to get to safety (ie: money, support etc).
the police will definitely be able to help this situation. even if their hands may be legally tied to an extent, they will still offer advice on how to deal with this situation.
please take care - do not just leave this situation in your and your family's hands; it never ends well. you need help to sever all ties from this man.
all the worlds luck to you please act quickly!
xxx
2007-12-09 18:09:53 · answer #1 · answered by Ariel 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
She needs to file a report with the police that he has threatened her life and the kids, immediately after get a restraining order. When she files, plan on her staying there most of the day to get the R.O. signed by the judge. But before all of this takes place she needs to find a place to stay, with family or a shelter where he cannot find her. Once she goes to the police, she should not return home, so help her with the plan as soon as possible. Be smart, do not talk over the phone about this or have anything in writing in the house.
2007-12-09 18:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Information from the National Domestic Violence Center's website:
Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 140 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
PLEASE ACT IMMEDIATELY. You or your mom can call on behalf of your sister. Also as other's suggest contact police for assistance.
If there is ever a time when your sister's bf is not home this is the time that she should get out. If there you or your family can, loan her some money and send her to a town that he'd never expect her to go to (perhaps in another state). IF you contact the hotline they can put you in touch with agencies that provide shelter and support for victims of domestic violence. You & your mom should be ware of this guy too. He sounds psychotic.
2007-12-09 19:12:30 · answer #3 · answered by Mackenzie Walsh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See a lawyer right away. Do everything 'by the books', correctly, legally, and with threats and abuse, he will end up in jail. Meet all of his threats with legal recourse, promptly and don't back down. He intimidates her and you because he can. With the law in his face, he can't. Cover your back in every situation until you know he is in jail for good. Don't have any contact with him ever and move to a new location - do every single thing with legal advice. Involve the police along the way - it's nothing they haven't seen before but they need you to be strong and not rely on police to protect you 24/7. Mainly because they can't give anybody THAT kind of protection.
It is scary and you need to have professional advice. That's what lawyers give. Also, seek help from the local women's shelter and follow every bit of advice they give you.
What is your choice? Do all of that and you have a chance. Don't and wait to see what develops and you have a pretty good idea what kind of crappy life everyone will be leading intimidated by this criminal creep.
Good luck, dear - others have walked in your shoes. There is support out there for you but you have to be bold, seek good advice and follow it faithfully. Your sister may be the person who is the weak link. Beware of her backsliding.
2007-12-09 18:20:53 · answer #4 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that first a restraining order should be taken out with the police, so that next time he beats her he will go to jail. She should get out of there asap. That type of environment is not good for anyone. I don't think that it would be a good idea to just run and hide from him without taken the proper precautions first. This way she will have a leg to stand on. Perhaps once she files a report with the police they can help her. There are woman's shelters and other places where they can hide you from partners that are violent. Take pictures of bruises and stuff for evidence too. best of luck.
2007-12-09 18:18:59 · answer #5 · answered by Blondie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going to assume for the sake of my answer that you live in the U.S. but the same advice is probably as good in many other countries. first, find a domestic violence shelter - I will give you a link to a group here since they have the ability to move her to a safe house somewhere that he will not know about or be able to get into in order to get to her. Next, get a restraining order to protect the rest of the family and report his threats to the police. If she never file domestic violence charges against him now is the time to do that. You can also see about getting something like the Brinks home security system to see what that would cost - it may even be a tax deduction since it is also good for fire and the like in your home.but it would help protect your mother and yourself if he decided to come after you to get to her. Program 911 on your cell phone if you have one and keep the phone with you at all times. You can also get motions detector lights for outside that may tell you if he were to try to approach the house at night in the dark.
you might even consider going to your humane society and consider getting a dog as another early warning system. Good Luck to all of you
2007-12-09 18:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She/you need to get a hold of victims advocates in your town. The local police department can tell you where there is help if you call their regular daytime office line but if she is that scared you can get her to a safe house and get a domestic violence restraining order on him and I think possible time for threatening your sister and their children, how very scary. You can call 911 and tell them and get a number from them but you should get some help for her right away. Some legal safe help. Good luck really, really
2007-12-09 18:15:54 · answer #7 · answered by scsspace 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In just about every city, there is a shelter for abused women and children. Contact your local police department and ask about how to get in touch with them. When you reach the shelter, tell them what the situation is. They will advise you as to what your sister should do.
I have been in that situation myself. It was easier to plan leaving him ahead of time. (Do not tell the child, because the child may be tempted or coerced to tell what is going on.) Then determine what day he will not be there so that she can make her move. Tell her to leave no notes, and definitely not tell him where she is going. She will be safe in the shelter. They will help her get back on her feet.
2007-12-09 18:16:28 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes it is and you have every right to be terrified, she needs to leave, and go to a battered womans shelter somewhere else would be best, and you and your mom need to be really careful if he can't find her he may come looking for someone he thinks knows, this is the type of guy you hear of on the news reports, get in touch with a womens shelter and they will tell you all the steps that you all need to take to be safe, but she needs to get out it will only get worse not better, they never get better oh and tell her not to use the computer in her home or the phone to make these plans use a cell or another phone or computer, he might have spyware on computer, or the phone tapped
2007-12-09 18:15:08 · answer #9 · answered by Dale T 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most cities have abuse hot lines. She needs to call one. If there is none she needs to move as fast as possible. No one can tell him where she has gone. When she gets to a bigger city she needs to go to an abuse shelter. They can help her.
2007-12-09 18:15:12 · answer #10 · answered by just me 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋