My husband and I got married 10 years ago. He had children that lived with their mother at the time and he on

Question

ly had visitation every other weekend. One weekend I found a homemade crackpipe in their clothes. I contacted the police and push come to shove he got custody of the children (5, 7). I had to quit working because the children were so disruptive in their school. So I signed us up for counseling, then the children also went to their counseling. Well to make a long story short. The children are out of the house and on their own because I raised them to the best of my ability. Their father was always working and never had time for the children. But the children call me MOM even though they have a mom somewhere. Now out of the wild blue yonder he wants me to get a job. I'm 51 years old haven't worked in over 12 years because of his children. Now he thinks I'm a freeloader and expects me to "this is my house and my rules you need to get a job", or "my house my rules" I was a medical office manager. I can't get that job at my age now. What would you do? Stay or go?

Answer 1

Well, you already know my answer. You will have to do what we Southern Ladies have to do & DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO...You know what I mean girl. So, you have to decide if it's worth the wait or not. He is trying everything he can to get you to leave. That tells me one thing. Something is up on his end of it, and you need to find out what it is. I Love You Too Much To Stand By & Watch Him Make You Feel Like Less Than You Are. I Love You More Than That & Always Will, My Southern Sister. You Know I Do. But nothing that anyone says is gonna make you do what you need to do until you decide to do it. Love Ya Sis.

Answer 2

It's the way he did it! It was a butthole way to do it. "My house, my rules!"

Hon, you did a good thing in helping raise his children, but he's seems to be a decent man bringing home the bacon all that time. Should he just be able to quit his job now too? He' s like new school, where the men think women should pitch in as long as they do.

In the old fashioned marriage, a woman might have continued to stay home after the kids were out, cooking and cleaning and maybe helping the extended family or volunteering (or even pursuing an art), especially if you came from a well-to-do family.

You never said how much this man makes? I assume he sin't loaded.
ANYWAYS, times have changed, cooking is quicker, we have microwaves, stores are near, and lots of food is pre-made. You're not like a woman who has to tend the farm animals, milk the cow, or bake the bread from scratch. Since most families now live away from parents, and health is better these days, or we put parents in nursing homes, you don't have that on your back like the women of the old days. Cleaning-wise, yes, it's still a lot of work, but we have so many handy devices like the vacuum and super duper detergents to get jobs done so much faster!

My point is, unless your hubby has tons of money, and he doesn't mind you not working, that'd be fine to just retire at 51.
BUT he does mind and it seems he feels ya'all could use more money (couldn't we all?). I think your thinking is based on the old days, but times were different. Women didn't have so many of the technological advances and conveniences we have today. It is more typical in our society, unless rich or with old-fashioned man, for a woman to work until retirement age (which is like mid-60s). Seriously with the economic depression forcasted in 2008, I could see how he is asking you to work and save!!!!!!!

Now, it doesn't help he was a jerk in the way he said it.
But if everything else in your marriage has been pretty good, try to talk with him, and also forgive him.

If he's going to continue to be a jerk or gets worse, I'd get a job, save up, and meet some hot older guy at work and say bon voyage for not appreciating me. But really, I think things will be fine. He just wants you to get with the times and help out. You'll be able to find a job, especially at those temp agencies or get recertified and shcools usually have job help centeres. Do it now, because when the panic of 2008 comes, it might not be easy.
YOU GO GIRL! YOU'RE MY NET GIRL AND I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! I WANT YOU BUY PRETTY CLOTHING, GET A FANCY HAIRCUT AND A HOT LITTLE CAMARO WITH YOUR NEW JOB MONEY!

Answer 3

My mom is 63 years of age and went into the same profession as you. You can get a job, you're not old. As for him using the term,'' my house, my rules''. Is a whole other ball game. You should get yourself a job and get your own place. He is showing you his appreciation, by down grading you. If he feels this way, there's nothing you can say about it. You go get a job and then tell him that he didn't think that you were a freeloader, when you was raising his bad azz kids and you quit your job to do it. You are highly marketable. Go to the nearest hospital and apply. They will take you in a heartbeat. Save your money and find yourself a nice little place and let him fend for his ungrateful self, in HIS HOUSE, with HIS RULES!

Answer 4

I can understand him wanting you to get a job since the kids are gone. He did go about it all wrong. It is not his house and he does not make the rules. You are a grown woman and you need to make him treat you like one. I would go and get a job. Make sure that you save some of your money in your own account. I could not stay with a man that called me a freeloader and tried to tell me what to do. If you have a hard time getting a job go to a temporary service. A lot of companies only hire through them where I live. Gain your independence and tell him where to go. Good luck.

Answer 5

Hi,
What else you do regaring your relation, I think you should move on and work for a while. He is questioning your respectabiltiy. I think you should be respected tremendously for what you are and how you have been. I admire you and all women like you. You have great skills. Many. More importantly you are a great woman, a beautiful person. I am sure you could find a good opening. And 51 is way too young to feel worried. We should never give up our self respect or pride in front of others, you are much above many many people. You have outdone many challenges in life. Work for a while and the retire on your own when you can. Take care. All the best. :-)

Answer 6

Should you stay or should you go? How are you going to provide for yourself if you leave? You wrote you cannot get a job because of being 51 years of age? Well I have changed job professions 5 times since the age of 16 years of age, and the last one was at age 51. You can take refresher courses and become a medical office manager again. I have been employed at my last job for 9 years now, and it is nothing like the other 4 jobs I had previously. I went from being an inventory specialist, buyer, in a hospital to doing retail in jewelry management, then was in middle management to now being a personal assistant, nanny, caregiver for an astronaut. You can do it. I would get myself set then leave.

Answer 7

You could probably get some kind of job or go to school and you might even find you enjoy it, finding yourself a place in the world besides home. I would tend to advise you that you don't need a jerk in your life, that is what he is being after you spent all that time being there for those kids, lucky for them. Start investigating jobs and training programs and see what happens. By this time next year you could be in a much better place. Divorcing someone you have been married to for 11 or so years should net you some profit, just take your time and plan your steps well. Good Luck. Learn to be a good friend to yourself , it sounds like you have been taking care of everyone else, now it is your turn.

Answer 8

You have to live your life in the way you want to.Start again would be hard on you so don't make a hasty decision think hard and fast about what you have .
Do you love the children ?
Do you love him ?

If your answer is yes to both stay
But if he has told you that you are a freeloader Run fast and hard get the hell away from the so called man

Answer 9

Get a job and you'll be glad you did.You'll have extra money
and you'll feel a sense of satifaction.There is nothing wrong with having a job at your age.51 is not old.Its really not fair for only one to carry the load.Get a job so you are both the bread-
winners.There is no reason why you shouldn't work also.You don't have young kids tying you down.You go girl and show him that you can and you will.

Answer 10

ok, 10 years in the past -- whilst she exchange into approximately 18 by potential of your placed up --- she exchange into performing like a baby. because of the fact then she seems to are growing to be her act greater or much less together and is achieving out to Daddy to stroll her down the aisle. She's prolonged an olive branch and you have thrown it decrease back in her face. You, Sir, are the guy who's performing like a baby now. advance up, buddy, or you will never have a place on your youngster's or grandchildren's lives. She's an person and you could not recover from the strategies that she made whilst she exchange right into a baby. possibly you weren't in contact in her existence as much as you need to or might desire to have been, yet you have a hazard to tutor that around now. end being a center-elderly judgmental prick, or you would be an previous and lonely judgmental prick. My little ones made undesirable possibilities alongside the way, yet I never stopped loving them. i'm going to have been a bitter previous goat such as you -- and can have justified it to myself -- yet they does no longer be in my existence at present. You never end being a father in case you particularly love your little ones yet you stopped being a determine a protracted time in the past. provide her your love unconditionally and you're shocked what you get in return. furnish suggestion whilst requested, yet permit her decide her existence and stay it her way if she does not. or basically be a lonely previous goat. you would be clever to take a lesson from the guy that she's marrying. He stood by potential of her for 8 years, did the nicely suited element in offering for his baby, and that i will wager that he's "Daddy" to his quickly-to-be stepchild. Too many adult men fortuitously settle for the placement of "sperm donor" (yeah, look interior the mirror, buddy!) and walk away. This guy did no longer and he seems to be plenty greater of a guy which you ever have been!