He is 47 yrs old and 4 kids..15,13,9,6.....I am 36 and have 16yr,14yr old. He has been thru so much I am so patient but I have my doubts. We are both Italian and love each other. He brings his past up a lot and it makes me feel like i have to pay for his past.
What can I do to help him and I thru this?
He says he doesnt compare me but i think he does. What do I do.
2007-12-09 15:59:00 · 12 answers · asked by callybaby71 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you are asking this question then deep down you know something is not right.
2007-12-09 16:03:30 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is he comparing you to his former wife? If so then that is a definate red flag that you will never measure up to the ideal. not too many of us can measure up to a person who is percieved as the "perfect one" . If you are seriously thinking of making this a permanent relationship, then he is going to have to let go of the past so you and he can live in the present. With 4 kids, the youngest being only 6, he hasn't been out of his former relationship so long. I think you could make it as a couple even with the kids as long as the former wife isn't in the picture. If the kids are part of a joint custody agreement it will be harder to keep her out of the comparison. Maybe some distance would be good for both of you so he can sort out what he really wants and so you can decide if you want to compete with a ghost, be it living or dead.
2007-12-09 16:16:21 · answer #2 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly congratulations for taking on the four year old and treating her as your own. That is no small thing to do. Now as to the second matter, the 11 year old. Perhaps he wants his older daughter to get used to him before introducing you and his other daughter. After all its got to be overwhelming for her to meet him, the Dad she didn't know she had, without having to meet even more people. Remember, he has 11 years to catch up on here. Think of her needs at this time, I know you can. It the contact with his daughter that he's looking forward too, not the meeting with the ex. Let him have this first meeting on his own. Certainly you and his other daughter should meet with her too, and soon, but perhaps not this time.
2016-04-08 05:03:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wake up to yourself. you say you love him, but not enough to listen. don't read anything into it, don't take the blame just listen and comment as you see fit. if it's eating away at him he needs to get it out before you two can go anywhere. it may take a while and a few repeats but sooner or later it will disappear. as to comparing you of course he does. how the hell do you think we avoid making the same mistakes over and over! what do you do? why do women expect everything to work like a light switch? it takes time are you up to it?
if none of this rings any bells you best stick with your doubts!
2007-12-11 16:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by ian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing wrong with this at all my man is 16 years older than me and has 10 children 3 of which are with me . his oldest son is only 2 years younger than me
age aint nothing but a number we are hoping to get married next year
however he should not compare you with the past sit down and have a long chat get to know each other better and try to make it work
xxx
2007-12-09 22:20:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationship must be built in the needs for the future for all concerned when big families get together. Talk in a circle where all have eye contact. You will find much healing and direct can come from this .. Tiding in Christ..
Ps..leave the center open that where God sits!!
2007-12-09 16:05:07 · answer #6 · answered by Brother Enrique 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wooooo.. i hear ya lady but your friend might be going through his middle-age depression. and he might not be trusting you all the way because he has already been through some things in the past with his ex. if you are not living together yet or you and him have not done the engaged thingy.. really think about yourself and your kids.. Do you really want to be around someone like him if he continues to act that way? or do you want your kids around him when he starts to make you feel like you have to pay for his past? you really know what the answer is in your heart already. Good Luck!!!
2007-12-09 16:13:46 · answer #7 · answered by 'Fed'Up'07 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to him and tell him how you feel abou thim bringing his past up all of the time. But don't forget to be considerate of his feelings. And if you love him, age shouldn't matter. good luck.
2007-12-09 16:19:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is only a preview of what is coming...be thankful for the insight and move on...your doubts are just your smarts trying to get through to you.
2007-12-09 16:09:11 · answer #9 · answered by justagorilla 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay calm and wait for the right time to dump him.
2007-12-09 16:05:20 · answer #10 · answered by chees 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋