Will a Threesome save my marriage?

Question

hi im 29 years old and been married for 9 years, i love my wife to death but have been recently not as sexually active as i want to be 2 years ago i had a vasectomy and since they it had dwindelled my sex drive,3 days ago my wife out of the blue asked me if i be interested having a threesome with another women in hopes of restarting our sexlife, even tho this is everymans dream im having mixed emothions about it, she even mentioned going to a swingers party, i dont know what to do

Answer 1

Open marriages and swinging are very popular now and can in many cases improve a marriage. The biggest factor against this if jealousy...usually on the wife's part however since she has brought it up she will be fine with it.

Talk to her about it and if she has anyone particular in mind for a threesome. I will be more than happy to answer about any questions you have regarding open marriages as I have been in such for a long time. I have much information available as well for you to read should you so desire. And I like to help those thinking of exploring open marriage or swinging. Please write to me through YA

Answer 2

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Answer 3

It is a trap man. Or she could be on a fishing expedition to find out if you want sex with someone other than her. Once she has an affirmative answer from you, she will know you don't want sex with her. I'd be very leery of how I answered her.

If you truly want your marriage to survive, you have no choice but to tell her you do not wish to have a threesome.

I somehow don't believe your 'V' is solely responsible for your dwindling sex drive. I'd look at how things are between the two of you in all the other areas.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Index Of Threesome

Answer 5

First, swinging should never be used to "save a marriage", but if your marriage is not in trouble it will add some new excitement and spark to it. Basically, swinging is the frosting on top of the cake of marriage. But, if all the ingredients aren't in the cake to begin with, all the frosting in the world won't keep the cake from crumbling.

In short, swinging won't fix a failing relationship, but is sure as hell won't hurt a good one.

Here is some links to some really good information about threesomes and swinging (which really are the same thing) for you:

Swinger Advice http://www.swingersboard.com/index.php?pageid=swingerinfo

FAQ Forums http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=48

Getting Started Forums http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=25

Sit down with your wife and read through those. They should be allot of help.

Answer 6

First-off, you should never swing (and yes, a threesome is technically swinging) to save a marriage or relationship. It doesn't. And after years in the swinger lifestyle myself, every case of divorce I've heard of was with a couple who used having sex with others to "fix" or to "spice-up" their marriage. If there are problems to begin with all it does is add more problems. Swinging and threesomes are to explore your sexual fantasies in a safe environment with your spouse. No one should ever be coerced or manipulated into it, or anything for that matter. It only builds resentment toward the other person. If your spouse is thinking this is what your marriage needs, they are definitely selfish and immature. You don't swing to be happy in your relationship, you swing because you are totally happy and fulfilled in your relationship and it simply is an extension of that.

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Answer 7

First of all it is not every mans dream to have a
threesome as I wouldn't ever disrespect my wife
in that manner, and second of all marriage is
between two people and anytime a third party
is involved then trouble always follows sooner
or later. So you decide.

Answer 8

A threesome will accelerate the end of your relationship. There is no connection between a vasectomy and a diminished sex drive. Talk to your doctor about that. You may need such a simple thing as a testosterone injection every now and again.

I hate to introduce a negative to you , but could your wife be bisexual? It is just not normal for a wife to suggest that, out of the blue, for no reason.

Answer 9

In the polyamory community, we have a saying to describe a common pitfall of people attempting to introduce non-monogamy for the "wrong reasons."

"Marriage Broken. Add More People."

This is a recipe for disaster. I actually fell into this trap without realizing it. My ex-wife and I were not relating well. I saw it as post child issues, where she wasn't feeling good about herself. When she proposed opening up our marriage (I've identified polyamorous all my adult life), I thought she might be able to hear positive messages from others (as her husband, I was expected to so it "didn't matter") and we would be able to communicate better.

It turned out the marriage was already broken. She was just seeking connections outside of us while keeping me at home. We even moved in with a boyfriend later. What it did do was postpone the inevitable long enough for me to get better and having 3 loving adults helped my son to be very happy and secure.

Look to a doctor to verify that there were not complications associated with the vasectomy. See if there are any biochemical reasons for a lowered libido. Look into your general stress level. Women usually react negatively to stress (greater the stress, lower the libido), but men can be negatively influenced as well--an erection is essentially a relaxation response. Too much stress, worry, and tension, no erection.

Once you deal with that, work on increasing communication and emotional intimacy with your wife. Try arranging for weekend getaways. A change of scenery has always helped my own parents get through their slumps--those times when daily concerns keep them from feeling passionate about each other.

By all means, do not add new people if your communication is not good. Responsible non-monogamy is risky business. Swingers must maintain strong boundaries, polyamorous relationships require lots of work (since we usually don't insist on as many boundaries). Rather than repairing a relationship, both practices will tend to accellerate any process of decay.

If you two have strong levels of honesty, communication, respect, and trust, some form of non-monogamy MIGHT work for you. But make sure you are preprared and working side-by-side.

Good luck.

Answer 10

If your marriage is in trouble (for reasons outside of sex) then the answer is absolutley not. It will only cause more problems. But if you and your wife are emotionally secure in the marriage and looking for spicing up the sex it may not hurt. The thing is though, if you are having any second thoughts about it DO NOT DO IT. You will only end up resenting your wife later. Only engage in something like swinging or a 3 some if both you and your wife (and any others involved) are very open to the idea and have no reservations about it, otherwise someone will get hurt.