i am married, very happily, but i am attracted to another man!!! what do i do??? (to clarify, i am a female)
2007-12-09 15:21:05 · 40 answers · asked by asp 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What do you mean, what do you do? Ignore your urges and honor your commitment. Easy as that.
2007-12-09 15:23:44 · answer #1 · answered by That's not my name 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Well, first apparently you are worried in some fashion over being attracted to another man. If you are happily married then there should be no problem, as it is NATURAL to be attracted to others. Whether you act on that attraction or not is the real issue here. Flirting can lead to other activities and problems with your marriage. Guilt is usually an issue. I would just be attracted and let it go. Go home and put more of yourself into your marriage. Make love to your husband a bunch and get that 'spark' back so you don't feel the need for anything with the other guy (if indeed you do). Go on a long weekend with your husband, and pay some extra attention to him. If you find that your attraction is causing you problems then perhaps he is someone you should explore a possible relationship with... Good luck with your future.
2007-12-09 15:28:59 · answer #2 · answered by La_Liona 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, you don't have to feel guilty. It is natural to feel attraction to more than one person in your life. But if you are married, the most you can really do is window shop, but you can't buy.
The problem with Forbidden Fruit is that you want more, that which you cannot have.
I've been through a life destroyed as a result of infidelity. Always remember -- Triangles hurt. They always do. By triangle, I mean 3 people involved in some kind of romantic inter-relationship. In your case, your husband, you, and this other man you are interested in.
Play the tape through in your head. What would happen if you went for it...made this man know you were interested and he showed interest back. What would happen if you did even have just a 1 night fling? Now you would have a lie that you'd have to hide from your husband for the rest of your life. Your conscious would never be the same. Your self esteem would go down. You'd be disappointed in yourself and feel forever stained by what you did until you finally had to confess to your husband that you betrayed your most sacred vow to him. You cannot count on others forgiving you. He would be so totally crushed, he might never be able to trust you again.
Hey, I'm not trying to lay a heavy on you. I'm just keepin' it real. This is what happens. And the fantasy world that so many get wrapped up in, fantacizing about being with another person besides the one they married, ends up breeding so much dissatisfaction and anxiety that it becomes torment.
The best thing you can do is look for things about this new guy that are less than perfect and focus on those versus all the things you like. What you say to yourself in your own mind has everything to do with how you act and feel. So I don't mean to be the harbinger of bad news, but unless you snap out of this infatuation, you are headed for trouble and it could cascade into the ruination of your marriage.
Seek out someone more professional to talk to about this than the folks who can give you only brief advice here over Y/A. But just don't work yourself up so much about this guy that you become obcessed with curiosity about what it would be like to be with him.
I was attracted to a co-worker once who was married. One time we had an opportunity to act on the attraction we both felt, but we didn't. Yeah I still think about it sometimes and wonder what I missed. But when I think about the incredible pain this would have caused everybody in the end, not to mention potentially losing my job, I am so glad I pulled my head out and made the right choice.
I hope you can find the same kind of strength too.
2007-12-09 15:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by John S. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have the same issues from time to time, mostly when I am disenchanted with my husband for some reason. Once I find out what the problem is I give my husband ques to help fix the issue. Also, I let the other person know they have a secret admirer just cause it is nice to know someone thinks they are sexy, and it puts a big smile on the face, also at the end of the day once you face your crush, they dont seem so irresistable and you can go on without pining away over something stupid, or make a stupid mistake.
2007-12-09 15:27:02 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are very happily married you would not be attracted to another man. What do you do? NOTHING. Avoid this man in positions that make you uncomfortable. Good luck
2007-12-09 15:41:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I think this happens to plenty of people, I have been married 11 years and have also been attracted to other people the thing is not to act on the attraction! If your marriage is happy you wouldn't want to give it up for a few minutes of pleasure! I don't think going out of your marriage for a physical attraction is very wise unless your really unhappy emotionally and physically but it sounds like your very happy. I think this is very normal to feel attracted to other people just know your limits and how close you can get to that person and I think you should be okay without getting yourself into any kinda of trouble!!
2007-12-09 15:26:46 · answer #6 · answered by cj g 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If your very happily married why are you even looking at another or thinking about it? I was not happily married, but I was always faithful, devoted and never ever considered thinking of what you are, but she divorced me just the same - she's mental
2007-12-09 15:44:17 · answer #7 · answered by diver down below 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do nothing...It is normal to be attracted to other people even if you are married. If you want to stay happily married then never act on these feelings or let them take over your thoughts.
2007-12-09 15:25:03 · answer #8 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Don't do anything about it. By saying "I am married, very happily,..." I assume you mean you love your husband. I'm sure that the like is just a phase and it will go away. Stay true to your hubby.
2007-12-09 15:25:20 · answer #9 · answered by goldigga 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
to be honest with you, if you were happy, not another man in the world,could make you wanna stray, you need to find out what is missing inside of your marriage. There is always the attraction, to others that we feel, but to want to act on it, tells something about your current relationship. Try to figure that out, before you make a big mistake.
2007-12-09 15:25:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Is it a simple one-sided crush? Or does this man know how you feel? Crushes are common, but usually short-lived. You will forever regret it if you act on this and later find it was just a whim.
It's not worth risking your happy marriage over.
2007-12-09 15:26:33 · answer #11 · answered by clayinspiration 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋