http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dctdsgkb_74d9h3cxwq
A religious poem I wrote on a walk...
does anybody think it's Shakespearian??
Any other opinions, for me??
2007-12-09 12:42:43 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I like it.
Although, I would take out the world inhale and change the winter airs refreshing my lungs to winter airs renew myself.
2007-12-09 12:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by asian poet 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's interesting, hopefully more your style than Shakespearian.
Preamble sets the winter scene, focus on the breath, closing in on words via the lips & songs of the king, nice compact scene setting.
Definitely huge swing from happy tune to ashes in the same line, transition from scene setting with a crash
My bones dazzled - sounds like quite an exalted state, gives the overall poem an increased sense of spiritual impact
Nice work, makes me wish to experience the state described. Mysterious and beautiful.
2007-12-09 13:18:53 · answer #2 · answered by VirtualSound 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very good. I especially like the dirge part for the 'deceased'.
2007-12-09 13:30:06 · answer #3 · answered by Jrahdel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This could be published. It's a very good work!
2007-12-09 16:27:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋