Need help - think I need to admit myself to hospital, can someone help with some stuff (UK)?

Question

Hey so i'm an 18 yr-old female, think I have finally hit a point where I can accept I need to go to hospital 'cause my head is just seriously messed up. Sometimes i'm fine up other time's I get very depressed, and I am extremely violent, having constant day-dreams about violence and having outbursts in which in the last few days I have threatened to kill all the family pets, to burn down the house with my mother and sisters asleep and to slash my mothers throat. I spend money in binges, eat in binges and can't live without using drugs or alcohol heavily at least once a day. I can't stick to any kind of schedule and despite quitting self-harm find myself self-harming again and I get quite paranoid, unable to leave the house without carrying a knife and obsessed with the idea that me and my family are going to get attacked. I fantasise about having a violent and abusive boyfriend (think Natural Born Killers) and about murderering people. I am disorganised and unmotivated.

I can’t ever let anything go and constantly rebel against all authority, deliberately breaking rules and offending people. I am obsessed with saving criminals and the idea of being infected by demons. I go through phases of obsessing with religion and really any passing bandwagon. I sometimes carry out acts that I don’t want to carry out, because it feels like someone is forcing me to. I often fantasize about suicide but could never take my life because I am terrifyed of being seen as weak, and as such always try to seem mentally, emotionally and physically strong and domineering in everything that I do. I am bisexual and I suppose, technically, a bit of a nymphomaniac. I also hate to be thought of as stupid or insignificant.

I have tried to avoid hospitalisation because I do not want to let my family down or have to quit university, but i’ve realised that actually my mother really doesn’t like me at the moment because of how i’m behaving, and I think it’s only going to get worse. I also did not want to have to start uni again at this time next year (breaks have to be taken in year-long blocks) because at that time of year everyone would already be in their little friendship groups, and it’d be hard to fit in. But I actually preffer to be on my own, so I think this is just pointless worrying. My other fear is that they’ll lock me up in some hell-hole, i’ll hate it and will be forced to be locked up forever because i’m unfixable and just evil, and my dad went to loads of psych programmes and re-hab programmes and never got better.

So will I be locked up forever? Will I be able to get hospital treatment on the NHS to begin with? Last time I went to see a councellor in uni I got told it would be at least 4 months before I could get another appointment because it’s ‘non-urgent’. Before that I saw an NHS psychologist and he said that depression and self-harm and mood swings were normal for a teenager and gave me a leaflet for a councelling service who had actually been liquidated a few months before and one for a drug councelling service I was not old enough to use, saying that I couldn’t get any help with substance abuse because sleeping pills and marijuana are ‘hardly heroin’. He didn’t speak much English and was horrible to be around – it would be my idea of hell to be locked up somewhere where people like HIM were in charge! What are the institutions actually like? Can you take mobile phones? Computers? Laptops? Are you pretty much only allowed clothes? What about piercings and jewellery and suchlike?

I know I need help, but without some kind of constant entertainment my mind just collapses, and I need books (I particularly like books about sexual serial killers, i’m in my first year of studing criminology at university) and the internet just to be happy. Oh and I havn’t been outside without my iPod or personal CD player for 6 years, so to be honest i’d rather be outside and crazy than inside and without my iPod.... or ciggarretes. What about these things?

I like near Cardiff, South Wales, UK, if that helps.

PLEASE advise

Answer 1

You are Bipolar1 among other things and you need to be hospitalized until you are stabilized on some medication. YOU ARE OKAY AND NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT HASN'T BEEN WRONG WITH COUNTLESS OTHERS BEFORE YOU!!
just go and get to a hospital facility for few days until they decide you are stable enough to go home again on your Medication.

Answer 2

I only know about the hospitals in the US. Here you can have a music playing device unless that is restricted because you are a special case. They have phones you can use during certain times. There are certain things you can't have and some of the rules are individualized. Everything is checked by one of the staff and given back to you if it is ok, if not they lock it up. You cannot smoke and they will give you something to help your cravings if you need it. They do not like to lock you up for long, but they will keep you as long as they need to. Alcohol is not allowed. I don't know if they allow computers. I didn't see anyone with a computer when I was in the hospital. You can have no drugs but the ones given to you by a nurse. You have the right to refuse any treatment that you do not want if you are in there because you decided to be. They will give you sedatives if you ask. They forced me once to take one. I didn't think I had a choice, because the psychiatrist and all the nurses were right there. You are allowed vistors, but usually people don't get any. I had them every evening that I was there. I hope these things generalize to the UK. They should let you in if they have a bed available (that is always the problem). Most books are allowed, but I wonder about the ones that you want to bring in.

Answer 3

Wow, u got alot going on sister!! 1st let me say It sounds like u should get help and soon. Stuff like that don't develop overnight. U say u threaten 2 kill ur family but , then u say u don't want 2 let them down. Maybe you've created this "evil, sex-murder-obsessed" villain as a means 2 escape the the reality of what u really feel and think. It's just u sweetie ur not crazy. Your just all over the place..Try this chill out sometimes.Swallow that rage and listen 2 ur favorite songs, Talk 2 a therapist about the outbursts and murderous thinking. Get with your girl for pleasure.. but, with everything do it in moderation, never cause u were compulsed 2 do it. Think lovely thoughts get happy!!

Answer 4

Hi,
I'm not going to be 'adult ' about this (that probablly means I'm a self-interested preacher type!)
In my world there are and never have been any 'adults'
It's bad enough when people try and tell yuo what to do, but worse when they turn around and do far worse stuff themselves!
I won't say "hang inthere it 'll get better as you get older"
It doesn't!
I am noe 37 and have suffered from a lot of the things you've said.
I go to 'endas' every week to receive help for my heroin and valium and alcohol problems. They are in exeter. If you phone them they CAN put you in touch with someone in cardiff whoCAN help.
I'm not saying it will solve all your problems though, but it is brilliant to have someone to take some of the strain for you.
20 years ago, ther really wasn't any help like there is now.
Sleeping pills ARE like heroin and can be sickening to you .
Unfortunately many G.P.s still treat people under 25 as kids, and tell you you'll grow out of it.
I can only give you 2 things of advice.
1. I get on better now with my family since THEY stopped being so up themselves. This happened because I realised that I had to do my own thing and they would have to cope with it.
, just like I have to cope with their Sjit.
2. I found somethng else i was good at. ( not just getting out of it) I tried art, music, etc and then discovered writing
(you wouldn't think so by my spelling!) It came when I didn't expect it, and just writing down my arguements with my wife was so much better than actually having them, that I'm now expecting my third child!(our 2nd).
It can be very horrible when i'm depressed and sometimes I still don't get out of bed, and sometimes I still take things I shouldn't.
But I am happy being me ,and knowing that nobody else has done what I've done, and noone else laughs (sometimes) at their own shortcomings the way I do.
Plod ON!
xxxxxxxxx
And Don't listen to the unfeeling inexperienced idiots who are saying it's all inyour head!
Eveything IS all in Everyones head! If it wasn't there would be a terrible mess on the floor!
The key is to diregard the 'dissers':they obviously have their own problems they need to sort! And select for yourself the things YOU think might help!
I like the item about listening to 2 songs, sometimes I can cry all my hurt out in 1/2 hour listening to something.
Love and Luck, Hate and Shame.: they are all valid feelings!

Answer 5

It sounds like your going through a rough time and I'm hear to talk if you need me...feel free to email, I'll get back to you PROMISE. I know that it sounds cliche but admitting it is the first and hardest step...you may not realize it but by saying you want help you are putting yourself out there and saying "hey I don't like this anymore and I want to change"...It's a lot easier to get through things like this when you accept help and admit when there is a problem. You may have a severe type of Bipolarism from all your ups and downs and maybe some depression and paranoia. But what your doing now is good and the best step to move on in the healing process. I think commiting yourself to a Behavioral Health Facility or a Local hospital is a great idea and you'll definitely get the help that you need. You'll be able to participate in group activities and get a chance to talk to and discuss your problems with people that are going through what you are. I know it must be tough but hang in there....your already onestep closer to getting yourself help. Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 6

I have felt some of the things that you describe and I know somehow of what your feeling. I checked myself into a hospital after a failed suicide attempt. I knew that something was wrong. I knew that I needed to help myself, to stop harming myself and to stop hurting others around myself. Sometimes you have to ignore any judgment that people may place upon you and think foremost of what would be best for you. I mean not to disrespect you, but you really might want to save yourself and talk to a hospital about admittance or to a therapist or call a hope line. Be selfish and take care of yourself. If you want to talk privately my myspace is myspace.com/102661894. I live in Brighton.

Answer 7

Don't worry about letting your parents down. Often the symptoms you are experiencing are not your fault, and aren't anyone's fault. The symptoms you describe are linked to a physical problem that has to do with the chemical balance in your brain - and it is linked to all the symptoms you are describing including needing distraction, thoughts of violence, emotional outbursts, etc. There is help available, and you should just ask for help. If you feel out of control, like you will hurt yourself or someone else, you definitely need to be in a hospital until you feel better. It needs to be treated like any type of medical problem. The mental/emotional aspects are only symptoms of a physical problem going on, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. I have a lot of experience with this on a personal level, as myself, and with family and friends. And you do not have to suffer!

It can be hard at first to get the right diagnosis and medication, but once that hump is overcome you can go back to living your life, as yourself. And you don't have to lose the aspects of it you enjoy...for example, a horror writer would not want to lose the aspects of violence he experiences, so can control the amount of medication to keep the violent symptom in the realm of creativity, but not to the point of losing control. Others may find experiencing violent feelings and images disturbing, and can take the meds to the point of eliminating them. No one medication works for everyone, but there are many different types to match the symptoms, and find which ones work best for you.

For me, I have my life back! It took a lot to accept I had a medical disease (because that is what it is), but it is exactly like living with diabetes. It's a chemical imbalance in the body. I was not locked up, and those who are hospitalized are only so until they feel in control again - they are there to be kept safe. It is about learning coping skill to manage your life and stress, and requires learning to give yourself a lot of TLC. It may delay you going to university - it delayed me - but you can always go back when you are ready. Or you may be able to continue while under a doctor's care. At my university, I fall under the disabled program, so I get some allowances for my condition - like missing school when I need to, or needing extra time for exams and tests. I have found my professors to be very understanding and accommodating. My condition also affects me physically with fatigue and physical pain, it also lowers my immunity. I get help with transportation between classes.

The hardest part is asking for help, accepting you have a disease, accepting the limitations you will have to live by to have a healthy life again, and taking care of yourself. Doctors are good about informing your family how serious the condition is, and how it is NOT your fault, or their fault. And you can't help it. It IS a serious condition, and most people do not know, but it is a LIFE-THREATENING DISEASE. So yes, get help! And good luck!

Answer 8

Yes get help and no you will not get locked up at all. There are differences between fantasy and reality and you do need help and support so instead of taking the GP route which I think you are worried about take the self help route and look up some help groups nearby and meet up with ppl going through the same.

These groups have links even the GP s aint aware of. Try Samaritans anonmously and they will tell you fo these groups.

Answer 9

Please go and consult your Doctor, I hope things go well for you. The first step is admitting you have a problem, why don't you print out what you wrote here and show it to him and to your family too.

PS. Perhaps your brain needs a break from the constant entertainment you think you need so much. A rest may well do you good. I have been without my 'toys' while I have moved house and it has been really relaxing. Also my partner and I have got on amazingly better while we have had no TV and computer.

Answer 10

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Answer 11

Given the idea you are not in the hospital yet or locked up I am writing this.
first & for most, good idea to get some tests done if they do find some thing they can deal with it, if they do not!

contact me again asap! I have some thing that may help if modern medicine doesn't