crying it out?

Question

im just wondering when at what age did u start having ur baby cry it out ?...just curious

Answer 1

my daughter is 2 and a half and ive never let her cry it out! i am sufferin for it now. my partner has to lay with her every night until she falls asleeep. i hated her bein upset when she was baby so i did everythin i did to soothe her. like i said....im paying for it now!

Answer 2

As a former nanny I have worked with a lot of babies and one thing I have learned is that there is no need to let a baby "cry it out". People will say you are "spoiling" a baby but this just isn't true. Babies who are left to cry it out are not learning to "self-comfort" they are learning not to trust their caregivers to meet their needs. Children who have their needs met when they cry learn more quickly NOT TO CRY, they learn that their caregivers will make sure they are taken care of and will meet their needs and that hysterics are not necessary. This doesn't mean you need to swoop in and pick a baby up as soon as it gets the least bit fussy, but if you can intercept the signals BEFORE they become a full blown crying jag.

I worked as a nanny for 3 sisters from their birth until the oldest was 4. None of them was ever made to "cry it out", at the respective ages of 8, 5 and 2 they are three of the least fussy, least clingy, most individualist children I have ever met. They are confident, well-behaved and not in the least bit spoiled.

My little brother is 12 years younger than I am so as a baby he had mom, dad and big sister all ready to meet his needs and give him support. He cried LESS than any baby I ever knew. By 3 months he wasn't even crying when he was hungry, he would just kind of gurgle and coo and we knew it was time to feed him. When he hit 2 or 3 he would show up at the side of my bed saying that he was scared... I never ran him back to his bed, I always picked him up and cuddled him down next to me. By the age of 4 he always stayed in his bed and was never afraid of the dark. At 15 he is self-assured, caring and self-reliant. If you teach a child to trust they will learn that crying/screaming etc are not the ways to get what they want.

My father, a therapist, and I were talking about him the other day and my dad was saying how optimistic, positive and comfortable my little brother was and how he was convinced it was because he had so many "adults" around to support/protect/comfort him as a child.

If you can't tell I'm a big fan of the Dr. Sears attachment parenting method.

When your child turns 1.5 or 2 you need to start encouraging them to solve their own problems and handle their own issues. But remember, young infants can't do ANYTHING for themselves. The world is big, scary and strange and their only comfort is YOU.

Answer 3

My daughter is just over 11 months and we have never let her cry it out and we never will.

Cry it out is not a method that is ever necessary to use. If a baby is crying and having trouble falling asleep, it is because they are not ready to do so (assuming that all of their other needs are met - obviously, it would be utterly cruel to let a baby cry if they were crying due to hunger, pain, emotional distress, etc...). A lot of sleep problems can be solved by following your baby's cues and putting her down to nap or bed when she is ready for sleep. An undertired or overtired baby can have trouble falling asleep, and a lot of sleep issues can be attributed to parents trying to make a baby sleep at an arbitrarily designated time. Babies sleep patterns change through the months (and daily) so you just have to be flexible and go with the flow.

Answer 4

I don't ever let a baby cry it out. There is something that the baby needs or it wouldn't be crying. Whether it is convenient for us as parents or not is another question, but it doesn't matter. If your baby needs the security of your arms, to just hear your voice, a diaper, a bottle/breast...whatever...there is a reason. A babies cry is communication and unlike some popular theories about cries, they are not manipulative....pick him/her up and you will have a much more secure little person.

Answer 5

I'm curious about this too because my daughter will soon be 4 months old and I just cannot stand to let her cry.....So needless to say she's never cried anything out!

Answer 6

Never.
Ever.

We have an 11 year old- and he coslept until he was 2.5 years of age. No crying it out.

We have a 16 month old who has also never spent the night alone- including while in the hospital after her birth.

I cannot fathom why one would grow a baby for 10 months to allow it to cry it out. In this house, we parent in the day AND at night.

Also: Dr. Sears did NOT coin the term: Cry it out. He coined the term Attachment Parenting. Attachment Parenting and Cry it out have nothing to do with each other. Please see the link:
www.askdrsears.com

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T131200.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

Edit: I have just read the comment about attachment parenting spoiling children- it does not. Attachment parenting does not mean you allow your children to run the home. It means there are boundaries. It means that instead of putting them in a crib and allowing them to cry, you make it for them to get to sleep. We have a routine here- a simple routine that we have used on our son and on our daughter and it works well. It facilitates bedtime. We use the routine and I nurse her down. She is asleep in 5 minutes. Normally, for the night unless she wakes up from teething pain.

Our 11 year old has autism- and we have been credited for his positive progress. He is a great kid- and doing really well. His doctor and therapists credit it to Attachment Parenting- he is secure in himself, knows he is loved, and his needs have always been met. We did not know when he was a baby that he had autism. What would have happened if we had allowed him to cry it out??? I shudder at the thought! He is not needy at all, and for a child with autism, quite independant and happy. I think there are many who need to do some research into what Attachment Parenting "looks like" in the average home.

Further, my husband has said a million times and I have to agree: "Attachment Parenting is a silly term, it's really just common sense." So true!

Answer 7

My boys I never had to let cry it out, they slept through on their own. My daughter on the other hand was a horrible sleeper, but I waited until she turned one, then let her cry it out. I'm kind of a wimp and didn't have the heart to do it before that. By age one I was so tired I didn't care anymore. :)

All joking aside though, I wouldn't do it before 9 months.

Answer 8

Well, i asked a question about that, and came to the conclusion that i didn't want my son to cry it out.

So, i lay him in bed when he's almost asleep.. he falls asleep on his own for the most part.

It broke my heart to have him crying hysterically.. with tears streaming down his face. I felt too bad.. so .. we dont really rock to sleep.. i will tap his back while he lays down to calm him.. and then i leave the room... no screaming!

Answer 9

The only time I let my son cry for more than a minute or so was when we moved him into his own crib. I went in every couple of minutes and soothed him and only picked him up when he got hysterical (when crying turns to screaming or he wouldn't soothe with just putting my hand on his chest and shushing him). It only lasted a few nights until he realized that the crib was for sleeping and he had no choice. Now if he's in bed and cries and won't settle I take him out to play or if he wakes screaming (which he does occasionally, bad dreams or gas pains, not sure) I pick him up to comfort.

If it's not bedtime then I don't let him cry. I do let him get frustrated and scream a bit but that's because he's 4 months old and is trying to figure out how to crawl. He gets frustrated because he can't figure out how to keep his arms under himself and get up on his knees yet. So when the frustration level gets too much I pick him up and divert him. He rarely every cries for food (unless we are driving and I can't stop and he gets hungry). Other than that, he doesn't cry unless there is a reason (startled, scared, pain from teething) because he knows how to get my attention without crying and he knows that I will be there.

Answer 10

Once my daughter was 4 months old I let her cry for a few minutes. She was great at sleeping at night, but during the day she was all over the place. So I did the controlled crying and it worked straight away. I didn't have to leave her for more than 15 minutes. In saying that she wasn't screaming, just little cries that weren't getting her worked up or anything. Just me,lol. I would have done it before she was 4 months old though.

Answer 11

First of all, Ashley P is wrong - Ferber, NOT Sears conned CIO.

When my son was first born I was convinced that attachment parenting (sears) was the way to go - as he got older I realized what a crock that was - it produces spoiled, needy children IMHO.

The most important thing you must do is be consistant with a sleep routine. It took me until my son was 10 months old to figure this out. I spent the entire first ten months of his life rocking and nursing him to sleep (sometimes for up to 2hrs before he finally fell asleep!). I did this in spite of my pediatrician telling me to let him cry it out for up to 45 minutes after he turned 5 months old (What does she know about babies, right? She only went to med school!)

Anyway, to answer your question I finally let my son CIO at 10 months old. The first night was hard - it took an hour and a half, and I listened but didn't go in to reassure him - I found it made him more upset. Night two was easier - 30 minutes and he was asleep. The third night came a sweet reward - 10 minutes and he was alseep. Now, 4 months later I lay him in his crib, tuck him in and he doesn't make a peep - just sweetly goes to sleep. He sleeps from 7pm to 7am, and is a MUCH happier baby these days since he's well-rested. He used to fuss alot - he wasn't getting the sleep he needed.

CIO sounds cruel in theory, but my father-in-law put it best. He said, "You are the parent. You know what is best. A baby does not know what he needs - if he had it his way he'd just go and go and go until he dropped in exhaustion. If you can TEACH him to sleep you are doing the very best thing for him."

Hope that helps!