My wife left me two weeks ago and said she needs some time alone to figure out why she feels the way she does. we have been married for 2.5 years and together for 5 she said that she doesnt feel special anymore and doesnt know if she is coming back or not I love her more than anything in this world and would do anything to get her to come back so I can show her how special she really is to me . would someone help me figure out what i should do besides give her time away from me.we have never had any bad arguments and have always gotten along great. also she just started working a night shift job as a nurse and i think that might have something to do with it
2007-12-09 10:41:25 · 16 answers · asked by William M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Relax my friend. This happenned to me sometime ago. I came home, she was gone. No notice. When she finally called me she told me the same thing yours told you. What did I do? I viewed the opportunitty as a break of our 7 yr marriage. I focus on myself. I started visiting all friends that I have been away from. I started to read, and read, and read. I meditated. Went back to my faith. I focused. I read a very good book, "The Divorce Remedy" by Michele Weiner Davis. This book changed my life. I didn't preassure her. In fact, when I started to ignore some of her calls, she began to call more frequently. I change the way I spoke to her on the phone. No resentment, pain or anger in my voice. She was back in three weeks,,,,,,If there's love, there's hope. Focus on you,,,,help your self...identify your faults and work on fixing them,,,the rest is in God's hands...chin up!
2007-12-09 10:57:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
What you think you should be doing now is probably exactly what you should have been doing all along. Chances are what youre not telling us is that this has been coming for a long time and now her threats have become reality. The first couple of years are always a challenge forany couple and this is what usually happens. One good point is that she hasnt filed for divorce yet. Let her have her space and let her know that youre there if and when she wants to talk but dont push the issue. Use the time to figure out what you did wrong and how to correct it.Chances are you can begin with supporting her career no matter what and forget that she makes more money than you or youll end up being single again. Remember the littlest things have the biggest impact on any marriage, so resort back to the basics and start wooing her all over again and hopefully in time barring that you havent done too much irreversible damage, she will return to you. Good luck and Happy Holidays
2007-12-09 11:05:33 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-06 00:41:11 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to what she says, give her some space. If you push she might just run faster away. I think most people that are married come to a point where they think the honeymoon is over. Have you asked her what she is feeling? Has something else happened that is blocking your communication with her? Life brings about all sort of feelings that are confusing to us. It may have nothing to do with you persay, maybe just something she is dealing with inside her. Right her little notes and leave them on her car or door telling her how much you love & miss her. Tell her how much you appreciate her. I have been married for 20 yrs, there have been many times that we both have wanted to be single again. But marraige is not always about how we feel. the commitment of marraige says I am going to be here for you no matter what, even when I don't feel like it. It's about giving of yourself to that other person, meeting their needs before your own. When you both are doing that for each other then you have a better chance of lasting through the tough times.
Too many poeple think that marraige is meeting thier own needs and when they don't feel good about it any more they run out and get a divorce. Move to the next relationship still looking for the same thing. A couple needs to learn each others "Love Language" There are certain things she does for you that tell you she loves you & there are certain things you do for her that tell her you love her. Learning what those things are will make a huge difference in your relationship with her
2007-12-09 11:06:14 · answer #4 · answered by commoncents 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a little late for this isn't it?
Usually guys like you will patch it up for a little while to go back to this behavior again.
The only thing you can hope for, is if there were enough strong points, you can try and wine and dine her...offer to go to marriage counseling, LISTEN TO HER, tell her to kindly help you learn how to love her the way she wants because you love her that much!
Dude, there must have been warning signs?! Her saying she doesn't feel appreciated, being pushed away, ignored, while you were on the net or watching news/sports, with friends, who knows what?
BUT...if she found someone else and just got bored because the honeymoon part of the relationship is over...then it is best to just move on.
Try to find out which it is.
Send her flowers, asker her on a date and make it romantic as heaven. Grab a Tantra/Kama Sutra book/DVD (even a massage DVD and some oils) and serve her. Bow down to her feet. Give her gift certificate to the spa/mall. Not just now, but throughout, if she takes you back.
*Learn from romantic friends/movies, book, net ideas, etc.
2007-12-09 11:16:22 · answer #5 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is just a bit bored? Everybody needs change constantly in their life, even you! Perhaps things are/were just too boring for her and you both need to to make a few changes to get your relationship back on track. Having a argument every now and again is good for you both and good for your relationship, it lets each other know how passionate you are about something!
I don't think her nite shift job has too much to do with it, its just that she is back in the workforce and has realised that people are much more open and friendly than they used to be. Give her a few more weeks before demanding a yes or no answer, and when you do, you stick with your decision.
Good Luck!
2007-12-09 11:03:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The night shift job may have messes her up emotionally but she probably doesn't feel like you pay her enough attention. Men and women are very different and it is hard for you guys to figure us out but we just want to be listened to and to have romance. We want you to put aside time to give to just us and we want to be taken out now and then. She may want help around the house or gifts now and then. You could try to get in contact and sit her down and ask her to really talk to you about how she feels and why. You need to listen and not speak. Then process what she says without taking offence. You are not deliberately trying to make her feel unloved you just are communicating you love in a way that she doesn't receive. You need to communicate it to her in a way that she does receive it. The way she needs it. Read the five love languages by Gary Chapman. That will help.
2007-12-09 10:56:31 · answer #7 · answered by JAM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her. Professional help maybe needed. She still want to feel sexy, but there is still 'under the weather'-depressed. She is still thinking about it and whatever caused her to take such drastic steps. Do not stray! She is your wife, for better or worse. Still speak to her and hold her as if she is the most beautiful and precious woman in the world. Do something real special for her. Flowers petals on the floor....make it real special, make her feel like the heavens are bowing at her feet. Just keeping loving her for now. You aint gonna die from lack of sex (well thats at least what i think- smile) best wishes
2016-04-08 04:19:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
o.k now more than ever is the time you realy need to show her how special she is to you first send her an amazing amount of roses or her favorite flower to the hospital where she works with a note saying something like....her name right here i realy love you and i know latly i have not shown it like i should have and it kills me that i have let our magic die even just a little bit but i want to make it right i love you and i would walk the disstance of the earth for you i would give me life for just one more chance to prove to you that i love you and i want to make you happy ! Please forgive my your loving husband, your name here now if this works you are gonna have to keep the magic there take her ice skating or dancing or some place silly like the fair and spend 20 bucks tring to win her a bear or an amussment park and pick one day out of every month that you will call her day and on that day you do any thing she wants to do ! i realy have faith in my heart that this will work Good Luck to you and your wife ! God Bless and i hope you and her have a very wonderful and Merry Christmas ! and a happy new year !,Heather
2007-12-09 10:59:06 · answer #9 · answered by must_love_dogs_and_me 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She's full of crap. She's found someone to have an affair with and doesn't have the ovaries to come right out and say it, so she's playing your feelings against you, and those "excuses" she's giving you are a dead giveaway. You give her time away, and that's all she will be: away. She'll leave and take your heart with her, throwing it out the window like a piece of Bobbit in favor on the next one she finds. Start closing out the accounts now and put your money in a new account only under your name, and do it fast before she bleeds you dry.
2007-12-09 10:53:20 · answer #10 · answered by zelgadiss 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to her. figure out what is truly bothering her. First off, good for you for trying to save your marriage, too many people want to figure out how to get out of a marriage, it is nice to see someone ask how to save theirs. If she tolds you she needs space and that she doesn't feel special anymore, chances are that she is trying to test you to see if you will try to make her feel special and important...to see how important the two of you are to you. Did you get into an argument when she left? I would do the best I could to show her why you two got married in the first place. remind her how special she really is to you and tell her that you love her and want to work things out with her. plan a romantic night just the two of you and make her feel like a queen. talk to her about what is bothering her and try to compromise to make her feel special again. sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own lives, we forget how much it affects the ones we care about the most. if it has to do with the job you just recently took, ask her why it bothers her. maybe she isnt happy with you being gone all night and would prefer you to take a job working a different shift. good luck, I hope it all works out with you two. just remind her how much you love her, and when you talk to her, flattery and compliments do a lot. maybe she just needs to hear how much you still care, maybe she thinks you dont anymore.
2007-12-09 11:02:42 · answer #11 · answered by piercing_beauty96 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋