How do you know whats right?

Question

My ex has offered to take me in with the children as I am battling cancer. I am still in love with him and I know that it would be painful for me as I have told him and he says it could never be again. In knowing that I dont want to do that to my babies as I think it will only confuse them. HE keeps telling me that I am not well I need some help and I am telling him that there is nothing I would ever do that would make things hard on my 3 and 5 year old. am I wrong

Answer 1

In case you don't make it (god forbid) it would be much better for the kids if they were already in the home with their dad. They would be used to living with him by then, and there wouldn't be such a big jump from being wherever they would be, to their dad's house.

If you don't make it, you're going to be very sick towards the end for some time and won't be able to care for your children properly, and who will do it? Wouldn't it be better to get them in with their dad now, don't you think.

You really need to put your kid's needs first above your own emotional relationship things right now, and do whatever is necessary to make their life as smooth as possible, as stable as possible both now and in the future.

By not taking him up on his offer, you are making things hard on your kids, yes. They are going to need the stability of already being in the home where they will stay and they need to get used to being there before anything happens to you. God forbid you don't make it, but if you don't, this is very important for them.

I understand that it's going to be difficult for you being there, since he has told you that there won't ever be anything again between you, but obviously he DOES care about you very much or he wouldn't be offering to take you in. It might not be the type of love you are looking for, but believe me, his offer is more precious than gold at a time like this.

You've got too much going on right now to even think about being in a relationship anyway, your top priority should be your health, and it really wouldn't be fair to him (or any other man) for you to even attempt to begin a relationship. You don't know right now whether you will live or die, and that's just not fair for the other person.

Take him up on his offer, you really can't ask for anything better than someone making an offer like that at a time like this, this is a golden opportunity to have some help so that you can concentrate on fighting your illness. And the kids will already be where they are going to be, with their dad and used to him, if you don't make it.

I wish you the best. Don't give up fighting, and please put your kid's needs first about the living situation, ok?

Answer 2

You need the help, you still love him...he doesn't mind helping you, so move in.

Miracles can happen. I'm sure he is fully aware of this.

For him to invite you back, there must be some love there...you just got to get him "in love" again.

*Let go of trying win him back, focus on getting better.
Check out this website thoroughly:
http://www.alkalizeforhealth.net/

Meditate/chant mantras for your soul each day, adapt a wholefood vegetarian diet and exercise for your body, make children and hubby's world as magical as you can...do you have any passion like art, music, or dance? Nurture it, bring it alive.

**Enjoy a monthly massage and/or great haircut, etc. Dress like a beautiful ornament.

I recommend the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra. It is miraculous for health. You can hear and read some about it here:
http://www.deeptrancenow.com/mahamrityunjaya.htm

Remember worry, anger, fear and sugar feed ill health.
Mantras are vibrational medicine that can heal on a deep level. Watch movies that make you laugh and be happy vs. dramas. This includes refraining from bad news on TV as well.
Put water purifiers in sink and shower.
Consider good antioxidant like C and B17 (look online for this)
Real Essiac tea has helped those in Canada with cancer.

Look into the power of visualizing (like Shakti Gawain) or Manifesting like "The Secret" DVD.

You'll survive this, in fact, you can come out a beautiful reflection of the Divine. So decide now to reclaim your life, no matter what, get back up, and walk your talk now, always now!

I love you girl!

Answer 3

No, I do not know what's right for you. Cancer can be a short of very long battle, AND I hope you win.

It seems that your ex has alot of love.. for not only you but for the children, .
Are you able to work and live, while you battle cancer and care for yourself and your children?
Is your ex still a part of their lives? Are you unable to work/care for yourself and your children?
It's tough for me to say, since I don't know all the facts, but seriously, if you are battling cancer, maybe the kids would be better off with the father for a while.
Maybe it's painful for you to accept your ex, and you might not even want to have him in your life while your are battling this horrible disease, do you think it would be good for your children to stay with him while you make your vailiant fight? Are you able to care for your babies? and if worst comes to worst, and you lose the horrible fight with cancer, who will love and care for your babies?

I'm hoping you willl FIGHT this fight with cancer and WIN. With a 3 and 5 yo, that love and need you, I'm hoping you make the best possible decisionl
I also hope you take steps to get the best possible care for yourself so you CAN and WILL be able to the the mother for your kids.
Please accept my prayers ahd hope and love for you and your family

Answer 4

only you know how sick you are, are you terminal [hate to be so blunt] or i'm hoping you have a good chance and are fighting this, he could be a good guy with a good heart or he could see an opening to get custody, like i said you know your situation and him the best, if you are fighting this and you should if you can, i would reserve moving in with him as a last resort, as it will confuse them and may make it harder to get them back, courts never change a child living situation unless they have to and once you are in his home u could have a problem, i know this sounds kind of hateful but i want you to go into this with your eyes open, like i said reserve it for last, it is a whole lot easier to move in with him later if things make it necessary, but honey moving out could be a nightmare even if he promises he won't do these things, make your own decision, any other family that can help you or move in with you, you can always change your mind if you have no family or things change, and now sometimes now they are getting good enough that it can me managed for many years. good luck and god bless

Answer 5

Your children are old enough to understand that you are sick and that you need help. They will also understand when you tell them that you are staying there during your illness because you need help. They know him and the three of you are going to be together there. They will feel secure being there with him. I can understand your doubt but I would stay there if it were me. Talk to the kids and see how they feel. They are young but they do understand things. Be upfront with them about what is going on and make them feel safe. Good luck with treatment.

Answer 6

i may be misunderstanding this, but the children are his as well? If so, they should be with their dad as well ~ don't see a problem with it. If you love him, he knows it, and he's decent enough to ask you and the children into his home while you are going thru tough times, he must still love you in some sense! He wouldn't offer it otherwise! I pray you get better!

Answer 7

You're right, that would confuse the children. They would realize soon that something is wrong in the relationship of their parents, the way they treat each other.

Answer 8

no . i think he thinks you are weak and that you loving him again is the cemo talking but i think deep inside he does love you but he probly does not want to let his self fall for you again becuse he's afriad of what could happen to you being the fact you have cancer.but i don't think he will be able to hold it in for much longer. just keep trying is all i can say Good Luck to you and your Kids ! God Bless ! and Merry Christmas,Heather

Answer 9

So don't move in. If you have someone else that can help you during the cancer treatment, then s tay where you are.

Answer 10

no i don't think so you just need a little help until you get better