My life since the age of 18 has been my children. This will be the first Christmas I have spent without them (and grandchildren). Last night, I put up the Christmas Tree and I cried. I know they have their own lives and I respect that, but I felt so lonely. I will see them on Christmas morning, then they will be gone to do their own thing. I certainly do not envy that and do not begrudge it. I wish them all that I did not have, but I feel so alone.I am 52rys 'young'.
2007-12-09 09:50:12 · 13 answers · asked by Somer 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just wanted to add, that it is the first Christmas without my children and grandchildren. I will be celebrating it with my parent, siblings and in-laws as I have done every year.It is my children and grandchildren that will be missed, by me, this year.
2007-12-09 11:01:28 · update #1
To late to change your plans this year, but can you rotate among your children for future holidays?
Look at it this way, you've sent them off to have their lives, which is what good parents do.
It's not as though they aren't in your life at all.
Distract yourself. Over time you'll get used to it, unless you can persuade them all to come over for future Christmasses.
2007-12-09 13:53:25 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do sympathise with you. It is very hard to be away from your children and grandchildren at Christmas. Perhaps you could have a 'special' dinner with them after Christmas, say Boxing Day or the following day. My grandchildren live a couple of hours away and we have a Christmas together sometimes but not always. The other years we spend with family or friends. We see them after Christmas instead and it can be fun because the grandchildren have two Christmases.
You will get used to it and are only feeling it more because it's the first time you won't see them. A telephone call on the day will help to get you through and you may find you enjoy your day with no-one else to worry about. They need to be on their own sometimes and will appreciate you all the more when they do see you. They might be feeling a bit guilty about not being with you so it's important not to make them feel bad about it. I wish you all the best.
2007-12-10 02:15:38 · answer #2 · answered by dingbat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Know exactly where your coming from, I'm 53 and felt just like you do now. I was 17 when I had my kids, so we're about equal when it comes to length of time.
Have you any friends, neighbours, (and I mean women) that you can share this with, maybe someone of your own age.
Many women feel and are feeling just like you do now, when your family leaves home, and Christmas and New Year times are the worst.
It's only for one week of the year ! you'd think we'd cope wouldn't you for one week ?, but no, we relate back to our baby memories and Christmas mornings, and drag out all the photos we can, and go through so many boxes of hankies, that come 2nd January, you'd think we'd lost everything... when in fact, putting it in prospective, all we've done is what we set out to do, and that is give our kids their own independence. ! as we should do, being great mums.
What you need to do is set yourself your own plans.. now.. have you a relative you've been meaning to visit but haven't ?, well ring them, and see if you can visit, even if it's only Christmas week, it'll give you something to look forward too.
Or go for a drink with your kids just prior to them leaving you for the day, even if it's only an orange juice, then settle down to watch some TV, read a book, or watch a movie (no sad ones either, books or films for obvious reasons), get yourself plenty of snacks to nibble at..and indulge. Keep off the alcohol, cause this will make you more depressed, just have a few drinks, especially if you've been to the pub.
You'll soon find that the day will come and go quick, and your kids will be there for you, they won't leave you alone entirely, just 'keep your chin up' and I promise each year it will get easier.. one year it'll be you that will be saying.." what your coming to me ", with possibly all the grand-children..in tow... and thinking by 7.30 pm... oh! I wish they'd all just go home..Corries on TV !!
all the best... you'll be fine honest...
a friend x
Oh.. and try and have a Happy Christmas x
2007-12-09 10:22:26 · answer #3 · answered by CARAMAC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough transition - I have been there too. It was hard for me to get up and get out, but that is what I needed and it worked. The magic for me was to try to give away what it was that I needed most. Look for others who might be lonely and need company, and be there for them. This could be a friend or neighbor, or you could "use the system" to connect, such as a church or social service organization. I have found real joy in becoming a mentor to foster children living in group homes.
If you can't get yourself up and out - ask for help. Please don't fall into a hole - you are young and clearly have much to give.
2007-12-09 10:43:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are suffering from empty nest syndrome. You need to get out and about. If you don't work get yourself a part-time job. Join a club. Do a night class. You have your freedom now. Enjoy it. Don't look back look forwards. Another chapter in your life has begun. Make the most of it.
2007-12-09 09:55:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know, this is such a hard time of year. We all just have to get through it. Before you know it, the holidays will be over and we can get back to normal. I know how you feel but you know what you need to do to feel better. You're going to get through this. We're all in this together. Maybe you can go volunteer somewhere. That might help.
2007-12-09 09:56:11 · answer #6 · answered by toochp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mmm i am so sorry to hear that ,,,, really life can be harsh. try to think positivly , that your children and grandchildren are happy and they love you ,,, plus they will visit you, try to go some where else after they are gone ,, visit ur friend or try to invite ur family some where ,,,,, get a pet , try to do some charity ,,,,, there are many children that are homeless and poor and they will feel happy if u visit them ....
2007-12-09 10:04:45 · answer #7 · answered by jo n jo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can you not go and see them at there house,or invite them to your more often. it sounds as if you are lonely and need to build relationships with Friends,or join a club or group to make your life more interesting i know easier said than done but you need to fill your life with good things to stop yourself pity,gud luck hun
2007-12-09 09:58:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you dont already get a man to keep you company or befriend some neighbours, they can come round when you feel lonely as they are just around the corner
2007-12-09 09:56:58 · answer #9 · answered by ☆♥..Kt South☆ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to start doing "you" things,things you couldn,t do before .read books you now have time for .join a class at your library .go swimming ,take lei surly walks, you will get to meet others in a similar position .
2007-12-09 10:06:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋