I've only been married about 6 months and already problems!?

Question

Now question, how do you all deal with major differences in a marriage...I.e Cultural, religious, personal preferences?

My husband and I have been married for 6 months (dated for 4 only before that) and are already having problems. We have a lot of differences that didn't seem to make a difference until after we got married even though we discussed everything before hand. I am religious and he makes me feel stupid when he says things like "christians are mindless" when I know I'm not...I like things that he doesn't like and so on but religious has to be the most difficult to work around especially when we have kids! Just looking for some advice..we talk but he gets mad easily so our talks don't go far usually end in me in bed or sad

I dont even care what religion he is he just isn't respectful, like ill say "God answered my prayer" and he'll say "No thats stupid" something like that I dont even talk about it much

he has no religion, and before we got married he was very thoughtful and sweet and kind and caring and compassionate

Answer 1

You have been together 10 months and 6 of that is married together, I agree you and HE are mindless. Your going to have kids? lol lol lol. he doesnt care about you, are you going to give him kids to do the same kind of mental mind fluck on?

Answer 2

I think you have recevied some good advice from the religious community. The non-religious will not understand; their world is totally different, from a faith perspective, so seek counsel from those who know your faith, first.

I am not surprised that you are in the situation you are in; many times people let one thing or another lead them into marriage, without really putting their faith first. If that was first, you would have understood each other before marrying, but you did not. Someone was not truthful about how much their faith mattered or did not matter.

Seek advice of a pastor or a pastor's wife, assuming you attend church. Seek first the kingdom, yes? In the meantime, I would lay low about your spiritual experiences, such as a prayer being answered.

If he comes around, there will be time to share those moments, past, present, and future. Be a good wife/partner as much as you can for now and share your faith w/ those willing to receive it. You are not responsible for his individual actions right now, but you cannot force your faith. If he continues to be antagonistic, naturally and spiritually this will wear you down and you can deal with that at that time.

Don't give up hope.

Answer 3

Girl, from the things you say, I think you are still pretty young. When you are older and in a serious relationship, you'll realise that love isn't declared with a necklace or gifts or flowers. If the man stays up late to help you with the laundry, bothers to take out the trash, sacrifices all his 'boys night out', massages your feet when you are pregnant with his child, calls home to check on your progress, blows off his hard earned salary on the family and baby's insurance policies, quits smoking for your sake, forgets anniversaries but remembers your birthday, eats your horrible cooking every night and not complain, puts up with all the PMS tantrums.....that is love. You've got a LOOONG way to go, gal!

Answer 4

Alot of men change after marriage and for the worst I think. I have heard so many stories of that happening and it's sad. I wouldn't want to be a female and go through that and I don't think that I would stand for such a thing. I would have to get a divorce or an anullment. It's no way to live a life. You have to ask yourself if it is worth it. You know he will not change but only get worse. It will be alot easier to end it now than say a year from now. I would get while the getting was good if I were you.(smile)

Answer 5

Did he ever make these comments before you were married? Is he a different religion or no religion? I think that you need to go to counseling, but the first few months of marriage can be hard and there have to be compromises in order for things to work out

Answer 6

it appears to me that you may have jumped into this one too fast !!
its funny how people change after the vows are said and done....but it does happen.
calling you names and telling you your stupid is abuse..
I would say not to talk about religion around him,but thats a part of your life and you shouldnt have to change your ways just to please him.
communication is the key here,but you said he gets all mad and what not so talks dont go far.
I would have a serious talk with him though,and tell him how your feeling
maybe he has something going on that your not aware of..
ask him how he is feeling about things and ask him if he feels getting married was a mistake - you will never know until you ask and try.
while your talking with him, I would ask him if he would agree to go to counceling with you,so that maybe some of these differences can be worked out..
if all else fails and you get no wheres, then I would definatly think twice and consider seperating...
you shouldnt have to put up with being told that your thoughts and ideas are stupid or that your stupid - thats abuse
and you shouldnt have to put up with being in bed and feeling mad or sad
you have a life and you deserve to be happy - set your foot down and stand up for yourself

Answer 7

My first marriage was just like yours. Sorry to say we lasted one year. But hey everyone is different and you may be able to work it out with the hubby. The best advise given to me when I remarried was for both myself and my husband give to the marriage 70/30, and we could not go wrong. We agreed to give and take for each other, and it has worked. Ex: I go to the church he grew up in, and resind from mine(because thats what he really wanted). In return for me, I work instead of being a stay home mom.( because thats what I really wanted) You just have to figure out ways to compromise with one another. Importantly be able to communicate without the argueing, and resulting in you upset, after awhile of that you'll probably get to the place where you just want to give up on all of it.

Answer 8

You only knew him for 4 months before you got married? And now you're surprised that you're learning "new things" about him?

Consider marriage counselling. It's probably the only thing that will help you two discover how to actually talk to each other and communicate.

Answer 9

I couldnt even stand being in the room with my husband for the first year. Eventhough we had already been living together a year before. I was ready to give up but now I am so happy that I didnt.

Answer 10

Hi, I am sorry that things are as they are for you. The thing that really came to mind when I read your question is this: In the Bible we are told in 1 Peter 3 that if we are married to an unbeliever we can through the way we live win them over for Christ.

So I urge you to be quiet and submissive to your husband. This means acknowledging him as head of your household and obeying him. God knows that he is not saved and still this is His command that we should submit to our husbands.
This does not mean that you should murder someone if your husband tells you. You know that it means if he says you are going out you are and if he forbids you to go to church even then so be it. You should still read the Word of God and pray as often as you can each day but do it quietly and privately.

Give it time but through your Godly conduct he will come to know our Lord. It is worth it but very hard Honey. Ask God daily to equip you and to strengthen you. Many churches do not preach on submission but it is God's word and we need to obey His word because it is God breathed and there is no error in it. Jesus said why do you call me Lord but do not obey my commands. May you know of the peace of God as you work hard to be obedient and demonstrate the Love of God to your husband.