ok so I have been seeing a guy for a few months (ted) and his ex gal still calls him and it kind of bugs me.
so i was thinking of telling him "ohh sorry but I cant go out tuesday cuz I promised jeremy ( someone i used to date but now we are good friends) i would go as friends with him to a Christmas party and I promised him before I met you." ( even though ted and I agreed not to see other people)
do you think its a good idea.. i mean i have no christmas party but I figure if he is still talking to his ex why cant i go out with mine as friends???? is this a good idea?? honestly???
2007-12-09 09:36:55 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No... not at all!! you should definetely go for it!!! If u r sure that you are only seeing him for friendship reasons.... no bf,gf reason!! You dont want to take advantage of that!!!! :)Great luck!! :O
2007-12-09 10:00:14 · answer #1 · answered by PB&J chik!! 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Even though you are in a relationship, you most certainly should still be going out with other people as friends. You don't ignore everyone else just for one person as that limits your potential for continued personal growth.
Making something up and not being truthful also stunts personal growth...SO - just go ahead and let your boyfriend know that it bothers you to feel like he is still at his ex's beckoned call. Just remember though, just because someone is an ex, it doesn't mean all feelings and caring suddenly stop. It takes some people longer to wean themselves away from the dream of what the relationship might have been.
2007-12-09 10:09:43 · answer #2 · answered by Dana C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not mean, but it is kinda indirect. Men usually determine the tone of the relationship. Some men are genuine and treat u like they want to be treated. Others want your divine loyalty without inspiring it in any way. Some like to play games. This seems like him. He's got some growing up to do. What are they so close for after breaking up? did they just decide they are only good in bed and nowhere else? You don't know what it is, but this is baggage that need not be brought into a new relationship. Apparently, he wants you to know that your relationship is new and that "you don't own him". Usually you do not want to disrespect and make uncomfortable a potential mate unless you have some ISSUES. Playing his game may or may not work, but if you are a game player as well you may welcome the joust. If not start running the other way!!!
2007-12-09 09:54:25 · answer #3 · answered by quienbee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uh, no. I would talk to Ted and tell him that it bothers me that he is still in contact with an ex. If he cares he will listen and not talk to her anymore.
But as for this idea to make him jealous, why don't you just save yourself and Ted some time and end the relationship if that's how you plan to handle your relationship conflicts?
2007-12-09 10:37:07 · answer #4 · answered by Donnertagskind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any time you make up something as a manipulative ploy to get your way or make a point, you are asking for trouble. If your evil plan backfires on you, you may be left with nothing, for nothing.
If their only contact is over the phone, you really shouldn't be concerned. If she respects the fact that you two are an itme now, then there is no problem. If she is intentionally causing problems between you two, and/or constantly tries to convince him to take her back, then your worries are justified.
If they do go out once in a while, you should invite yourself along sometime. If she is not pleasant with you, or ignores you, or is outright hostile towards you, then you need to let your boyfriend know that you are not going to stand by and allow him to allow someone else to interfere with your relationship.
I am still friends with all of my ex's, with the only exception being my ex-wife. However, when I have a girlfriend, I don't put myself into compromising positions by going out alone with my exgirlfriends-turned-just-friends. And if any of my friends fail to respect my choice of girlfriend, they become my ex-friends. Any ex gf of mine that can't be civil or tolerate the presence of my present girlfriend when we have coffee at Starbucks together should just stop calling me. If I continued to associate with an ex that was hostile to my gf, I wouldn't blame her for being PO'd about it.
I certainly wouldn't like it if she allowed an exboyfriend to act that way with me, or to spend all of his cell phone minutes telling her to break up with me and get back with him. She would either have to take a stand, or I would take one myself.
El Chistoso
2007-12-09 10:35:16 · answer #5 · answered by elchistoso69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me you want to end the relationship and in truth haven't put your heart and soul into it in the first place. Playing games to get back at or to torture the person you supposedly care about isn't going to gain you any points in the end except in the regret category...
If I were you I would realize my heart isn't in this relationship 100% and leave this guy. Because relationships, partners, and married folks staying together takes work not what you are doing. Games have no place in a true love relationship.
2007-12-09 09:45:58 · answer #6 · answered by puppypal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't play games, just be open and honest with him on this issue. Clearly his ex is still trying, just as your ex is too (and you are keeping him as a reserve, in all honesty). Your whole situation is just so temporary, and so there really is little chance your relationship will make it. There is no sign of committments or even intents to stay together, so there is just the convienence of having a f*ckbuddy. (yeah, it does make me kind of jealous, so don't even go there)
2007-12-09 09:45:00 · answer #7 · answered by lmspencr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your idea is petty and childish, and a bad one.
If you don't trust this guy, and do not like the fact he's still "friendly" with his ex, then move on. It's a sure sign they aren't over each other when they talk all of the time.
grow up.
2007-12-09 09:43:56 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tricks and revenge never seem to work like we hope they will. Why not straight out tell him how he disappointed you are in his actions after he made a promise, and then take a real break from seeing him at all? His response will tell you alot....be prepared for bad news.
2007-12-09 09:41:11 · answer #9 · answered by that judi 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the truth is the best policy. If his talking on the phone with his ex bothers you, you should tell him. make sure just to say that it bothers you...DO NOT order him never to talk to his ex. It may not go over well if you are too forceful
2007-12-09 09:42:13 · answer #10 · answered by M W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's passive aggressive game playing, is that the tone you want to set in this relationship? I think you need to let him know how you feel about his hanging on to his ex. If he doesn't stop, and it continues to bug you, then move on. He's not right for you.
2007-12-09 09:40:45 · answer #11 · answered by ViSaja 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋