My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. We have a 20 month old son together. We met in Church and got married...the whole kit and kaboodal. Then 6 months ago I found out that he has this deep dark secret and devistated me. He left. I have been trying to pick up the pieces of my life and trying to provide a somewhat normal life for my son and myself. What would you do? Would you divorce? Does the pain ever go away?
2007-12-09 09:33:01 · 19 answers · asked by Kathern 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well it depends if he was doing something against the law. Then this obviously is against your beliefs. I would have to agree with your split. Then yes I would want a divorce unless he was willing to quit his double life completely. do you trust him enough to think he would really quit ? Did you want you + your son's lives at risk ?
If it had to do with his job + it was legal (somehow I think not) then ask if he can do it somehow differently.
I suspect it was something illegal or bad. In time you will be less hurt, but what you are really feeling quite strongly right now is Betrayal. And rightly so. He pretended to be something he wasn't + this type of person makes it hard for you to live with. Eventually you will get over him, as to visitation rights, see if he will give them up, for the better of your son, you don't want him to be exposed to this type of lifestyle. As much as I believe both parents have a right to be a part of their lives, this is one case I would say no. Not unless under supervised visits. How you would handle this when your son gets older it may be more difficult.
Yes the pain does eventually go away, spend lots of time doing what you love, working, spending lots of time with family + friends who love + support you. Eventually it won't take so much of your time thinking about it. I am so sorry + can feel for you. Betrayal is a big thing in relationships.
If he has more than one wife, well there are steps you can take for that. Find out who the other wife is, then take it to a lawyer, maybe the courts will decide whether or not he should see his son.
2007-12-09 09:52:48 · answer #1 · answered by toobingaddict 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is horrible for you I am sure. Is he still doing what you found out about or is it from the past. If it is something from the past, we all have stuff that is not very nice in our pasts unless we were raised as a Christian. I am Christian but grew up in a non Christian home.
If he is still doing it then I recommend counseling for you both if he is willing. We are called to forgive. We are forgiven and we do not deserve it. So we must also forgive. Infidelity is the only reason that we should ever divorce and then we should not remarry or we are committing adultery. It is all in the Bible. Matt 5.
If you forgive your pain will go away more quickly because unforgiveness keeps us bound up.
I am so sorry and I hope you make the choices that Jesus would have you make. God bless you.
2007-12-09 10:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by JAM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume that the double life he had been living is (He had a girlfriend on the side and probably had her the whole time?) There is not much else you can do, obviously going to church did not help him be honest with you during the courtship or the two of you wouldn't be faced with this problem. Whatever his deep dark secret that made him leave is, you have to decide what kind of life you want for your son and yourself. The pain will go away time heals most wounds......
2007-12-09 09:49:21 · answer #3 · answered by blackpearl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go see a therapist and talk about what happened. Through the process of talking about it and taking control of your life you will start to feel better. Get divorced and make sure you have an attorney. You need at least child support. Good luck.
2007-12-10 05:28:11 · answer #4 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go for a divorce and then get an annulment to your union - it will be good healing for you. Sorry that you got burned but you need to move on now for the sake of your precious son - keep on going to Church and gets lots of prayer and support.
2007-12-09 09:40:04 · answer #5 · answered by curiouscanadian 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would divorce him. Why let him have any control of YOUR life? His lies have cost him alot with you and there is no reason to expect that he will FACE anything, choosing rather to lie/run from the truth. YOU and your son deserve better.
2007-12-09 09:38:56 · answer #6 · answered by that judi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends what type of double life..............
There are all kinds of possibilities that could fit that statement. From A christian to a drugy on Saturday night..........
adultery..........
a fibber..........
a person who has personally and then changes for there benefit while not around
etc
You really have to give me more detail before I tell ya to cut him LOOSE
2007-12-09 09:41:02 · answer #7 · answered by puppypal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in case you desire to maintain then you definately've have been given to be sure what that's he felt he replaced into as quickly as lacking with you that triggered him to stray. If he says exhilaration, commerce, relaxing, then meaning you ought to attempt new issues mutually now no longer purely going aspects yet in addition in mattress room. you ought to fulfill the will he has or he's going to stray lower back. It does not mean you ought to be perfect for him yet you ought to fulfill the will he has. in case you desire to circulate away then via all innovations-set the effective way I advise is to take all his stuff and throw it out the front door, then commerce the locks and then circulate on approximately your day. Make him circulate away, you ought to no longer ought to. Regardless if he maximum suitable works or now no longer. He cheated so he ought to ought to pay for 4 years of lies. additionally call his mom if he has one and tell her what he did, a reliable thank you to extremely make him indignant. this is not important what selection you're making on your destiny, carry your head severe. you weren't the guy who burned your marriage, it replaced into as quickly as him. no count what issues he ought to assert even while he's aggravated, it does now no longer make what he did reliable adequate. purely by way of fact he wasn't blissful with you does not mean that he gets the final to locate each physique else. placed your foot down and be the girl you ought to be.
2016-11-15 01:33:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that is a tough one if you still have contact with him check and see if he will join you in marriage counseling if not you may have to consider divorce i know you are religous so this is hard to swallow but i will pray for you to get peice in your mind and heart so that you can make a good decion for your self.
2007-12-09 09:47:43 · answer #9 · answered by jackie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The foundation fo marriage is trust. If you don't have that you have hopes for something that simply is not what you have. Face the truth and move on.
2007-12-09 09:45:15 · answer #10 · answered by Challenge 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋