Is It Always "The Other Woman's" Fault?

Question

My sister is having an affair with a married man. When we expressed our disapproval, she said that technically it's not her fault. She says "I'm not the one who made the contract. I'm not forcing him to do anything he doesn't want to do. If his wife was satisfying him then he wouldn't be coming to me. So I don't feel any guilt." It sparked an interesting debate between the family, so i wanted to ask you guys. Can anyone break up a marriage if it's truly a happy union? Should a wife always be worried that her husband will stray if theirs not enough intimacy in the relationship? And who's really more at fault if a married man has an affair, the wife, the husband, or the other woman?

Answer 1

There is NEVER any justification for cheating on someone.
NEVER.

If you aren't happy with the person you've chosen, leave them. Then you can sleep with whomever you want to.

Chances are that this guy is feeding youur sister a line of BS so she won't be as likely to think he's a cad.

But a cad he definitely is.

So is your sister. True, if he wasn't cheating with her, he'd just be boning some other girl, but even if what he says about his wife is true, she isn't helping things. She is just as much of a moral worm as he is.

If that guy is unhappy with his wife, he should either try to fix things or leave. It is just as wrong to sleep with someone who is married as it is to sleep around when you are the one who is married.

I'm an atheist, so I don't think anyone will go to hell for it, but it is a good way to leave this life. Lots of people have been killed over things like this. My ex-wife was a tramp, and cheated on me every chance she got. She also badmouthed me behind my back, saying things that were totally untrue. Who is going to tell me what she's been up to if they believe her fabrications about me and think I deserve it? She lied about me to keep other people from telling on her. My ex-wife has had more hands up her dress than the Muppets. I know how it feels to be the one cheated on. Why would I do that to someone else?

It's also a good way to wind up being shot or stabbed.

El Chistoso

Answer 2

You've asked several questions here--I'll try to answer them all:

1. Is it always "the other woman's" fault? No--there's no "always" here or anywhere else in life.

2. Can anyone break up a marriage if it's truly a happy union? If it's truly happy, then while it is possible, it is extremely unlikely.

3. Should a wife always be worried that her husband will stray if there is not enough intimacy in the relationship? No, a wife should not "always be worried" about anything, that's unhealthy, although certainly there is cause for concern if there isn't enough intimacy...to me though the concern is that the marriage isn't satisfying to either party rather than the simple notion that the man might stray.

4. Who's really more at fault if a married man has an affair, the wife, the husband, or both? Man, if there was ever a question that cannot be answered definitively, it's this one! It totally depends upon the situation. Some husbands are cheats and will cheat no matter what--then it's his fault. Some wives are dreadful nasty jerks who drive everyone away--then it's her fault. Some "other women" don't even know the man is married--then no fault there, but if she deliberately chases a man she knows is married--then she's got a big part of the fault even if she isn't married. (So your sister...she's full of it, IMHO)

Answer 3

It's a common assumption that a man would not stray if he was getting 'enough' at home. But, affairs DO happen in happy marriages. Many of those men can and do get all they want at home. They don't want to leave the wife, or they would have already.

Many affairs are more about external validation for the man. A self indulgent ego boost. It's something within HIM that is lacking. Yes, he is the one who took the vows, he is the one betraying his wife. So, the majority of 'blame' is on him. Is he enjoying having his cake and eating it to? A boost to a poor self esteem, the rush of a new relationship, the fantasy of a secret life. So, he has proved himself to be a lier, so your sister is getting a great guy right now. He lies to his wife and family, he lies to her about his wife to justify his behavior. It's easier to rationalize your behavior if you vilianize the innocent spouse. Having an affair is HIS choice. He is asking your sister to live in the shadows of his marriage. I'm sure he has loads of excuses as to why he hasn't left yet. There are many classic ones, such as he stays for the children, his wife is unstable, he is just waiting for the right time......the list goes on.

Statistically, the majorities of affairs fall apart when exposed and the wayward spouse has to face the consequences. Of those that do result in marriage, there is a much higher divorce rate. That's not my opinion, it's just the way it is. A relationship that starts out with a foundation of lies, deception and hurting others has a weak start.

Your sister is aware he is married. She is part of this deception. She can rationalize it all she wants, but she is a part of this ugly game of her own free will. She assumes that he will leave his wife, but the time may come when she finds out that he may choose his wife. Or, when exposed, he will end up dumping her and then starting over with another woman all together that wasn't a part of this destruction. He cheats on his wife, he is a high risk man to cheat on her.

So, I would say the 'fault' is with the wayward spouse. But, she is an enabler, so that makes her a part of his behavior also. The wife had no choice in this, so she is a victim, If her husband has problems or they share some real life issues, then her husband had all kinds of choices. He could have found other ways to work on improving things, he could get out of the marriage, file for divorce before he drug other people into this mess.

Answer 4

The other woman in a relationship is always at fault the minute she finds out there is another woman. The man is always to fault because he strings along two woman. Don't ever want to be the "other woman" then find another man who is unattached. Guilt only becomes evident when the facts begin to come to light.

Answer 5

Has anyone ever heard of GOD he says a man and woman come together in marriage and no one should come between them. Now that being said no marriage is perfect but how dare your sister make it this woman's fault. Does your sister have any morals? Where does she draw the line? A married man is just that A married man. I don't care how much he says he is missing something in his marriage adding another woman is only adding fuel to the fire. Do you know how many people are killed because of this kind of thinking. If he is still with his wife but sleeping with you how is that a relationship you are just considered public plumbing, he has his fun maybe a orgasm and goes home to the wife. You have wait for the opportunity to see him without her finding out. Those women are usually considered whores. The thing is once you have stepped on another woman's toes screwing her husband, YOU MAY JUST FIND YOURSELF IN HER SHOES ONE DAY......

Answer 6

If the marriage has a strong bond-hell, high water, or homewrecking whore cannot break it up.

If the husband is a MAN, he will try to solve the intimacy problem within his marriage and not look for sex somewhere else.

If a married man has an affair, the blame should rest on his shoulders...he is the one who made the commitment, and he is the one who chose not to honor it.
Not to say the wife and the other woman do not play a part in the situation, but it's not their fault.

Answer 7

I guess technically she is not holding a gun to his head..... but she is part of the problem. And she really does not know what is going on between him and his wife. His wife may be the sweetest and most intimate gal in the world...but the guy just cannot be satisfied with one woman. Which if he cares about anyone but himself...should leave and be with the one he wants. And who knows...maybe your sis is not the only "other woman" either. Then what would she say? She can't satisfy him either? The most to blame is the one cheating.... but the other person...also knows what they are doing is wrong.

Answer 8

I think both people are at fault, and both are responsible enough to know better. But when blame comes into play? I'd say the man is MORE at fault I suppose. I mean, I doubt it's possible for a woman to break up a completely perfect, happy marriage if the man was not first looking or at least willing to cheat. But that doesn't mean your sister doesn't know better still, you know?

Answer 9

When a person cheats on their spouse, it's not "the other woman's" fault -- or "the other man's".. but anyone who has an affair with a married person, has a lot of disrespect for THEMSELVES..

Your sister may not want someone who can make a committment, as well.. so he's "safe"...

People cheat for thousands of reasons, so why blame someone? If a marriage isn't working, and if the couple wants to fix it, they need to take steps for improvement.... no one else can fix their mess.

take care.

Answer 10

I say both are at fault. It's the husband's fault for wanting to go outside of the marriage instead of trying to fix what's broken between he and his wife. It's the other woman's fault because "if" she knows he's married and continues a relationship with him that's a definite no no and she should have more about herself than to want to be in 2nd place.