Could you please read & tell me if I should say this or not?

Question

My friend w/benefits that I've known about a month & a half has told me from the beginning that he knows that we have to be careful b/c of the situation I just got out of...I just got divorced several months ago(before I met him) About a week or so ago he told me he has feelings for me but that he has alot going on right now & not looking for a serious relationship. I've been thinking & I thought about telling him that since he was honest w/me, I'll be honest w/him & then tell him: that I don't like casual, but I like HIM...so this works for now...until I find a man that wants to be w/me & that wants to be serious w/me....& that it would be nice if it could of been him...but I know that it's not what he wants. Is that bad, or does it sound ok to word it like that? What do you think his reaction might be? Should I even tell him that or just keep it to myself that that's my plan & see how it plays out w/out saying anything?

Answer 1

Don't say anything,
a) in case you change your mind
b) someone else comes into your life
c) There's no point in say anything right now

Answer 2

Looking objectively at the situation;
So when are you going to be finding this man who wants to be with you and be serious with you....while you are being "friends with benefits" with this guy?
I think you need to face reality and realize that you don't want someone else and that you definitely want this "friend w/benefits" as a serious, longterm, and permanent relationship; that casual, with him, does not emotionally "work for now".
Won't you be waiting by the phone for him to call to say he wants to see you (a bootie call)?
What does he have going on right now that he can't be serious? How valid is this statement? Isn't he just trying to preserve his "benefit" package/
His "feelings for you" are not located in his head and as to his reaction to what you want to tell him.....hm, good, I get sex until either she, or I, find someone else.
Guys are all about sex. How, when, where they can get sex.

I think a better thing to say might be:
I think that I am getting too serious about this relationship and I really need to back off. I would like to JUST be friends--WITHOUT benefits.
I am realizing that you were a rebound after my divorce, and that is not a healthy choice.
I value our friendship and, of course, want to remain friends.
Just stand back and see what he has to say.
I think he really only wants the "benefits" part and he wants it all on his terms (no commitments).

Sorry, this is rough but it's the way I see it.

Answer 3

hi, i really would not say anything right now as even though you may think your fine you may be on the rebound and thats why you want something serious to replace what you have lost. The fact he likes you enough to tell you that from the start is a good thing and can only work in your favour. If he feels he is the one doing the chasing, then he will start wanting you more than ever. Good luck.... Happy Christmas!!!

Answer 4

Well if u feel that your affections for him are going to continue to grow you may want to go ahead and address the situation now, as you may end up hurt if u let it progress too far. So perhaps its best you talk to him and let him know that casual isnt really what your looking for and that you do care for him and would like to let things progress further. If you feel that you can handle the rejection later down the line, even if you have grown to care for him more and more then i guess you could just let it play out. If u do talk to him, what you wrote sounds fine.

Answer 5

The voice of experience says: A lot going on right now means Susan, Cindy, JoAnn, Carla and Mindy. Find someone who chases after you. This usually happens with "friends with benefits" situations. The guy always gets into it for "free" sex and the girl always gets hooked. Use this as a lesson and follow the "friends with benefits" rules.

Answer 6

You need to be honest with him, but if you are really looking for a serious or long term relationship, you need to stop having friends with benefits. This is going to turn off any man who would possibly want to be serious with you, in my opinion.

Answer 7

Go , Girl! There should be more women out there that will take a stand and say what they want and mean it! Casual works for friends, but it has no place in relationships that have gone past friend and into sexual encounters. In fact, in my book, sexual encounters don't happen without committment papers -- better known as marriage.

Answer 8

In any relationship, there has to be truth. Truth builds on trust. Without trust there is no relationship. Life taught me that. And I hear folks out there on the road everyday say things like, "I am out here and she is out there, and I don't know if she is in bed with someone else"..things like that, attitudes like that is no way to build on any relationship. So be truthful from the 1st and as that old saying goes: If it was meant to be, he will come back to you!...(Am I making any sense?)...1st be cautious, but at the same time be truthful, for if you don't it will end up hurting you or both of you in the process.

Answer 9

Tell him what you said, that you like him and want to be with him, but if he doesn't feel the same way, to tell you now, because you're not gonna sit around waiting.
Give him a chance by giving him a choice, but then that's it. You have to put yourself first.

Answer 10

That sounds good! like u said he was honest with u and u should probobly be honest with him 2! You'll fell much better when u say what u feel! Let it out... Good Luck

Answer 11

Yes, say it! Be honest with him and tell him what you want instead of holding it inside and hoping something will happen. Worst case scenario: he leaves and you don't have a man... What a crisis! Maybe you'll learn to live with yourself. (that's a GOOD thing!)