I have been married to my wife for 3 years. And the past 4 months we have been having problems. It all started out like this.
We seemed very happy, we had very few problems. But I had to go on an extended business trip and could not take my wife with me. So I had my wife go to her parents house because we were planning on relocating and I had to find a place first.
When I was gone my wife started saying things like "you just shipped me out here because you want to divorce me." etc etc.... my wife for some reason got the idea in her head that I was abandoning her, which was FARTHEST from the truth. Realizing there was problems, I quit my new job opportunity and packed my bags and drove all the way across country to try and fix our marriage.
2007-12-09 08:33:44 · 14 answers · asked by BlaBla 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After moving in with my wife I found out that while i was away she was sending sexually explicit text messages to a workmate as well as nude photos back and forth. When I found out I approached her about it and she was hysterical. She was crying beggin and pleading for me not to leave her because she loves me so much and she was so sorry. Apparently nothing happened other than nude photos and the sex text messages....
Regardless I stuck it out. But because I am young and this is my first marriage i never even thought of marriage counselling. Things seemed to be going good. My wife was still acting the way she did when she was first married.
But then a few weeks later I caught her sending more sexually explicit text messages. This time to a guy that she had been playing video games with for a while. She used to slip outside and call him for hours on the phone. Once again. I put an end to it, she said she was very sorry and felt very bad about what she did.
2007-12-09 08:34:00 · update #1
The next week I had to fly to Arizona for a business trip. I bought my wife a plane ticket to come out 2 weeks later. The first few days I was out there she would always call me telling me that she loves me and misses me and can't wait to see me. But 4 day's later she started calling some new 20 year old alcoholic kid she met over a video game. The next day she told me she didnt love me anymore, and that she is falling in love with a new guy. I asked her to end it immediately because it would not be good for our marriage. She said "its too late, im in too deep Jason. I don't want to break his heart." So now she is worried about the heart of someone she has been talking to for a few days and not the man she's been married to for 3 years? A few days after that she said she never loved me and she is deeply in love with this new kid she just started talking to.
2007-12-09 08:34:14 · update #2
A week later she rerouted the ticket i bought for her to fly to TX to meet this kid. She had sex with him and called me telling me that she had been praying to god to help end our marriage & send her a man to make her happy. And thats when "god showed me danny." She told me that she realizes that our marriage has very few problems and could easily work out, but she doesnt want it to work because she is in love with "danny" now. She was going to move in with this kid & his dad. But his dad found out shes married & that his son is a homewrecker so he banned her from his home.
So she moved in to one of his friends house w/ him. She works a job at starbucks, and says she is divorcing me as soon as she saves up the money because "me and danny are going to be together forever, we are so deeply in love, and he makes me happier than you ever made me."
I just dont undertstand it. I havent heard from my wife in almost 3 months now.
2007-12-09 08:34:28 · update #3
All I know is she is living a new life with someone she met over the internet and moved to be with inside a month.
I am shocked and deeply hurt that she says I never meant anything, and she has no regrets. She cut off all her family (and so has he), she cut off all her friends, and she cut me off too.... After 3 years she just decided to end it all... How can people have no remorse? Will she ever realize her mistake? I tried doing everything, and STILL want to reconcile with my wife... But she says I'm a horrible person that deserves to die. bla bla bla.......
What hurts the most, is she was ALWAYS very affectionate, warm and loving. Even the week before I left we did so much together like going to the park, the beach, the movies. She always held my hand, and acted all giddy in my presence. Always hugging cuddling and telling me how much she loves me.... So I am utterly dumbfounded and don't know what to do.
2007-12-09 08:34:42 · update #4
Also note too that my wife suffers from depression, and very low self esteem. Even if I was gone for just 1 day she would have guy friends over to keep her from being lonely. I tried my hardest to make her feel beautiful and would always try doing little things like making breakfast in bed and writing i love you in syrup, and stuff like that. But I guess the little things like that meant nothing. She said she can never forgive me for anything I ever did wrong in the relationship... which is sad because I always forgave and forgot. And yet she used to also say that she is a horrible wife, and that I could do better than her. I would reassure her I only want to love her. But guess those feelings just continued tell she found someone that will make her "happy".
2007-12-09 08:34:57 · update #5
b4 she left she told her mother that she doesn't regret her mistakes but she has learned from them... I doubt that is true because if it was you wouldnt be "in love" w/ someone after a week... & move half way across country to be with them a few weeks later.
Will this relationship last forever like she thinks? Neither side of the family supports it. Both young & Immature. I'm so lost and hurt =( It's been 3 mos, & I've been cut off cold turkey after being together almost everyday for 3 years. Can someone like this really live this lie forever, or do they come crawling back? but they seem happy... I know one thing though, its killing her inside that her parents have cut her off and want nothing to do with her now... Can this relationship be successful? Good things shouldn't come from such bad beginning...
2007-12-09 08:35:41 · update #6
It was so long I couldn't make it through to the end. If you have that many issues you definitely need counseling.
2007-12-09 08:37:33 · answer #1 · answered by Jen70 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is horrible, first off I am very sorry for the things that have happened and what's been done to you.
I don't think you are in the wrong at all, and it's understandable that you still care about her through all she's done... That's what marriage is supposed to be about, not "finding the next best thing" like she thinks she did. I don't think it's worth it to reconcile with her, she's done so many bad things repeatedly, if you could even get her to come back she'd just hurt you again. You sound like a very nice person and you deserve better. I know it is easier said than done, but I think you should move on... Dwelling on it will only hurt you more. Her decisions were stupid in my opinion and she made many large mistakes. She also sounds like she needs some sort of therapy to fix her low self esteem, especially if it's what drove her to do this to you.
I'm very sorry for what she did :( I wish you the best though, you deserve it.
2007-12-09 09:39:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think both of you need counseling both individual and joint. There are several reasons that I am making this suggestions but I won't get into all of them. The most important reason you and your wife should get into counseling is regardless of the reasons why you are where you are in the marriage you both played some part in getting you to the point you are and you need to first own that and understand why you are where you are in the relationship before you can make a healthy decision about the relationship. Good Luck! Marriage can be challenging but it can also be very rewarding and satisfying.
But, remember there is no way to healthly end your current relationship or go into a new one without doing some work first.
2007-12-09 08:42:12 · answer #3 · answered by Challenge 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One person wanting to stay married isn't enough. You need to let her go, so you can start to forgive and heal so you will be prepared for the next phase of your life. Although it would be satisfying to have her come back, it would only be temporary as she needs more than anyone can give. She is likely doomed to make many mistakes in relationships in her future and your best move is to be out of the way, and out of contact when she does. Your future can be completely rewarding when you find someone that can give you the happiness you are offering her. Good Luck
2007-12-09 09:24:12 · answer #4 · answered by Jenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through something similar a few years ago with my ex-husband. I wanted to try to work things out but he left me for a girl he met online too. The truth is weither it works with this new guy or not, would you want to take her back? I know your hurting, but the truth is if she comes back after it does not work and even if you go to theripy, she will do the same thing again. I know this hurts but you will get through this. I divorced my husband when I came to the realization that he would never come back and if he did, I don't think I would be able to forgive him. I am now engaged to a better man and am glad my ex-husband left. I believe there is someone else out there for you, good luck.
2007-12-09 08:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by linus1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having been in somewhat similar situations, I have to be blunt; You have to either accept your responsibility to be a caregiver to your wife (24/7), meaning no career, space, life, etc. or somehow let her go, so she can find someone who will make her the absolute center of his universe 24/7, which is what being with her means.
I must also include that it sounds like you have codendency issues for you to be with her. You need to assess why you went for someone so extremely needy, and what roles you play in the relationship. Another thing to consider, and it pains me to say this, but here goes; people who are that needy typically love what you do for them, never for who you are as a person. You end up like a servant, and it may very well be that she will leave you aside like nothing should she find someone else willing to be the servant she wants. Sorry, but it is likely....that has happened to me too.
Good luck in these tough times
2007-12-09 08:45:14 · answer #6 · answered by lmspencr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry but it sounds like she's been cheating all along. When you were gone just a day, she had guy friends over because she was "lonely". In three months she had explisit phone texts with two different guys, while doing the same on the internet with a third, who she now declares to "love". It sounds like she may well be a sex addict, and your love isn't going to change that. She can't, and wouldn't choose to, be faithful to you. The thrill for her is in the unattainable, and being married you are no longer it.
Unless she wants to change that (and it doesn't sound like she does) you can't fix this.
It may be time to say goodbye. I'm so sorry for you.
2007-12-09 08:51:19 · answer #7 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, you got caught up in her issues and what ultimatly has destroyed your marriage. I think these issues of insecurity would have come up eventually in one context or another. This may be your chance to make a clean break and start over, slowly. You were coming from a place of love and she could not see it. Do not blame yourself nor try to take responsibility for her choices and mistakes. Stay in counseling for yourself tho...you will need to go thru all the stages to heal. Good luck to you.
2007-12-09 09:36:31 · answer #8 · answered by that judi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may hurt you now, but you best go to a lawyer and file for divorce. Your wife is evidently the type of woman who cant be left unsupervised and you wanted to be a husband, not a babysitter. Thats what you would end up doing. Your wife has made a decision she will regret eventually, deserting a good guy for a loser.
2007-12-09 08:41:14 · answer #9 · answered by petra 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-15 01:24:18 · answer #10 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to your long question is ..NO,,I don't believe it will. It sounds like she have done already a number f mistakes she will have to ay the consequences for sonner or later. You focus on you and on how to pick up the pieces of this bad experience. You are still young and I'm positive you will be healed...chin up,,,don't dwell on these things,,,,Karma will take care of the rest!
2007-12-09 08:43:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋