ok, so I'm 16 and I have been dating my boyfriend for over two months now, but she doesnt trust me when I say that I'm going to a friends house. She insists that he's going to be there and that I'm lying to her. I really haven't given her any reason not to trust me. There was this one time when my boyfriend was going to visit his dad, and he ended up not going, so now she doesn't beleive me when I say hes at his dads. I try to explain to her that plans CAN change, but she doesn't get it. Sometimes I think that she doesn't trust me because my older brother lies to her all the time, but I'm not him!
This is a lot more detailed than I wanted it to be but if you read it all, thank you SO MUCH. I really need help here...I feel suffocated
2007-12-09 07:50:49 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
wow thanks guys! but i should have mentioned that shes already met him...
2007-12-09 07:58:34 · update #1
It's hard being a Mom honey. And it's hard being 16 too, I remember it well...and it sucked. Your Mom is dealing with a lot. On top of what you say your brother does, she is also dealing with the fact that her lil girl is not so little anymore. I have three grown step-children. I was devestated when they didn't run to me anymore every time a toy broke or when they wanted a cookie from the top shelf. I felt so useless.
You're growing up...nothing is going to stop that, and Mom is probably not feeling too terribly important to you anymore. She is probably very worried about you because she isn't around all the time to protect you like she used to. You're her baby girl..and you always will be. She can't help that. She's going to worry about you your whole life. You'll be glad she does one day.
Talk to your Mom. It's the smartest thing you could EVER do. Be honest with her and let her be included in your life and what you do. Don't leave her feeling she's been left out in the cold, a stranger in your life. It'll kill her inside. She needs to be close to you and she needs to know you're okay. She will be the best friend you ever have if you let her and you'll find that the more you trust in her and value her opinion, the more she will trust you and value yours.
She just wants what's best for you and for you to be safe and happy. Parents are scared to death when their kids get to be teenagers because so much horrible stuff happens out there these days. Just try to imagine it from her point of view. Being 16 is tough..and the only thing I can think of that's equally as tough..is being a Mom to a 16 year old girl.
Maybe start by asking Mom to spend some alone time with you. I guarantee you she'd be so happy her head would d*mn near explode.
2007-12-09 08:12:56 · answer #1 · answered by Tammy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same situation with my parents and I'm 3 years older than you! lol, but having been through the same situation as yours, the first thing I did was I talked to my parents about how it wasn't fair for them not to trust me. Let your mom know that she's done a good job raising you and that you know right from wrong.
In addition to sitting her down and talking to her, do stuff around the house that lets her see that you're not a little girl anymore. Take responsibilities. Maybe get a job? (if you don't already have one) and show her that you are responsible and capable of being trusted.
Trust is a privilege and parents always have a problem with being a little bit overprotective but don't give up hope. She'll come around eventually but in the meantime, don't sneak around to hang out with your bf, it just makes matters worse. Believe me I've been down that road.
2007-12-09 07:57:30 · answer #2 · answered by Kiwikahuna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do for parents who are having trust issues, is not take it personally.
Give her reasons to trust you. Go the extra mile. If you have a cell phone, or theres going to be a phone where you are, give her the number to where u will be. Invite her to call it. Or even call her once you get there, just to let her know you got there safe.
Be PETTY! We parents look at everything you do and the smallest things really add up. Do the dishes, Give her a foot rub. Why would you do those things if you didnt love her or care about her? Just be clear in your msgs that you do love her and want u to trust you. And you will do whatever it takes to earn that trust.
Make excuses to help her out or prove where you are!! Its all the small things!! Good luck!
2007-12-09 07:57:49 · answer #3 · answered by tajniks 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't force her to trust you, and I definately WOULD NOT recommend doing something that you would later regret in life such as running away.
It's just something about being a teenager. Your mom realizes that you are growing up and she doesn't want you to. It's something that she is going to have to accept.
I have discovered it has always helped to talk. Not while she's busy or in a hurry. Maybe over mealtime. Or simply say "Whenever you can get a chance, we need to talk", then calmly tell her how you feel. If you yell or are disrespectful, it gives her reason to distrust you. I never found it easy to tell my mother things. She had a hard time trusting me because I made some big mistakes, but over time, I had to learn how to gain her trust.
It varies with each person, and it also depends on what your mother is like. You know your mother. Ask her what you need to do to gain her trust. But like I said earlier. Just sitting down and talking is a good thing.
I hope I helped, and good luck.
2007-12-09 08:02:50 · answer #4 · answered by Kajol 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im a father of two wonderful daughters. When they were 16 all I heard from other parents is "Ya better watch 'em. Sixteen is the age that everything happens. They'll lie to you and etc." It caused me to be suspicious but I decided not to give them a hard time until I KNEW something. Long story short? They never lied to me, they didn't do drugs, they didn't sneak off with guys, they didn't get pregnant, and they're both married w/children and happy. AND they've both told us that there is no one they'd rather go on vacation with than me and their mom. But, the truth is that parents do begin to no trust GIRL children as soon as they reach puberty. Tekk your mom that you understand why she's concerned but it's not happening. Tell her she can trust you. Tell her she can check on you if she wants. Be trustworthy! Don't lie! Don't argue with her or lose your cool. That makes parents even more suspicious. It's a tough time...but, this too will pass.
2007-12-09 08:01:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't lie to her, it's hard for her brain to be not stressed out
and pinpoint at an instant which one you are compared to your lying brother, she has alot on her mind already with all
she has to do with dinner, the house and how she's going to
do this and that, it all takes much planning not to mention your and your brothers future and your dads too, just ask her about this, all this takes alot of brain power and theres a lot she has to weigh when you want to go somewhere now that you have a boyfriend, remember, even you have not been able to control yourself at alot of things, that's what she has to look out for, when I was your age my girlfriend had to do all that just to see me and be with me, like tell her mom she was going to stay late at school to go to the lamplighters club, or going to her friends house and many other lies like that but they were all a cover to be with me, your mom is very hip to all that, shes just trying to help you look out for yourself and preserve your own self, even a very trusted teenager can easily make a big mistake as I believe you very well know, so ease up on your mom she's only trying to raise you to her and your very best, because she loves you very much, she wouldn't be able to handle it, if something were to happen to you, believe me that's the first thing that I see (transparently) as you tell me about your mom. The best thing you can do is bring him around more often, as often as possible and stay in your moms sight, that will ease her greatly, that way she can get to know him at the same pace as you and you can both decide whether he's a keeper or history.
2007-12-09 07:53:49 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In this day and age it is hard being a parent. We worry about
our daughters getting pregnant, raped, assaulted because we see this scenario on the news every night! The truth is, maybe you are honest, but to many daughters and sons lie to their parents and do things, drinking, drugs, sex, etc. and the only time the parent finds out is after their son or daughter is in trouble or worse dead! So, have a sit down talk with your Mom and maybe the two of you can meet each other half way and settle on something that works for the both of you!
2007-12-09 07:58:41 · answer #7 · answered by maur911 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take a deep breath....
ok now if you are being honest with us then yes, she should trust you. But i am sure that she is wary to trust you because of your brother. This is NOT your fault. The best you can do is just make sure to always tell the truth no matter what, call her whenever there is a change of plans, and just be extra compassionate
good luck!
2007-12-09 07:59:06 · answer #8 · answered by Josh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your mom meet him to she if could trust that nothing would happen, also ask if your mom been down the road of trust? Maybe it isn't you she doesn't trust it may be him, try doing things together where it is all three of ya'll maybe after getting to know him better she won't have a problem. Because my gf is 23 and her mother worried a lot about her after I went by there several times her mother did not have a problem with me.
2007-12-09 07:57:28 · answer #9 · answered by Alan W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
fine. Stay in your room and be unobtrusive. It's not going to make her trust you any more. Seriously, she's just being paranoid, but think of it another way too. SHe's worried for YOUR sake. She loves you, and you need to tell her you know that, and that you love her too, but that there's a time when she needs to loosen the leash a little. Sit her down over coffee or tea and write out a pact with her. it worked for my mother when I was your age. Above all else, call her when plans change, let her know ahead of time, and keep plans you make with your family, no matter what.
2007-12-09 07:57:39 · answer #10 · answered by Melissa G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋