My husband wants to separate but tells me he loves me and he'll be here for me. He says that he'll help me financially. I'm 4 months pregnant and he says he'll be here for the baby. He tells me he loves me. He says he doesn't want a divorce, he just needs time to think about what he wants. I want to be married to him, live with him etc. I want to trust and believe him and I want to be patient. Is he confused? OR is he trying to play me? He seems genuine in our conversation, but then I can't understand if he loves me etc. why won't he just stay?
2007-12-09 07:34:10 · 18 answers · asked by *~Cam's Mommy ~* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If i question his motives, he gets angry and we argue and he says I dont' respect the fact that he needs space. We've gone to counseling once..but his schedule doesn't permit for him to go again. :(
2007-12-09 07:35:16 · update #1
It could be that he is under a lot of stress and, really dose need time. It could be cause the baby is on the way and maybe he isn't ready for it. He has to figure out what he wants and yes, that means allowing him to have his space and, time. Yes it will be hard but, looks like you have no other chose here....
2007-12-09 07:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don' t listen to what his words are telling you. Look at his actions. His actions speak louder than words.
It seems that he has some other agenda. And .. he probably knows that you love him a lot .. and that you want all the right things with you .. and he can play you - while he does this other stuff on his agenda.
Don't let his assumed genuiness confuse you. This might be an easy-way-out for him, too. Meaning - when you separate - then it will be easy for him to keep on going. He may not want to look like a jerk since you are pregnant.
The feelings are not right with him .. somehow. Could he be having an affair - and he wants to be free for awhile ? Something is amiss with him. He is not being truthful with you.
If he really loved you - then he would not have to think about it.
And .. if he had feelings to sort out - he would not have to leave you & his baby to do it. He could do it while living with you .. and while taking care of his unborn child. He has a reason for the separation -- other than to separate to just think.
Time will tell.
You can't make him stay .. but don't be his door mat, either. It sure sounds like he thinks he can put on on a shelf for awhile - then come back and get you when he is ready. It also sounds like he has other plans to do - and needs to separate from you to do them.
He is not being honest .. and seems untrustworthy.
Don't do what I would do - because you know your own situation and how you can handle things ... but if it were me - and I could finance myself ... I would leave him, and he would not be talking with me - or anything else. He would have all the separation he wanted - and more.
Don't tell him if you suspect anything. Catch him. That is, if you really want to know. Some people cannot handle the truth - so make sure you want to know ... plus - you are in a delicate situation with being pregnant.
Just know - a husband that could separate from his wife while she is 4 months pregnant .. and still declares his love .. is capable of doing lots other things to his wife, and to his child.
I know you are so hurt, and so confused ... but he is doing you wrong. He could have at the least - put off the separation until after the baby is here .. and you & the baby are doing well and on your feet again.
I wish you the best.
2007-12-09 15:56:55 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once is not enough.
It seems that in this day and age, men could get used to the idea that they don't always get to call the shots in a relationship, and maybe it wouldn't happen if women were firm in what they want.
He may be confused, but this is not the time to take a leave of absence to "find himself". You have just as much right to assert yourself and tell him you need him to be there during the pregnancy and birth of the baby as you try to work out what is bothering him.
There could be many reasons for his behavior, but it is still irresponsible. He may be frightened about the extra responsiblity, or feel he is missing out on a single life etc. There is no way to know unless he opens up and discusses things, and that is why a counselor is helpful.
What you accept you teach, so if he does this now and you wait for him, it may be just the first of many such episodes.
2007-12-09 15:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't know if this is true in your case, but when a man says the things he is saying to you, there is usually an ulterior motive; mainly in a female form. You do need to find out why he is confused and let him know he can tell you anything without you blaming or judging him. He needs to open up and be truthful to you about his feelings; just saying he is confused means nothing. He knows why he is confused but is afraid to say it; be it another woman or the fact he is thinking he may not wish to be married and committed to one person. Approach him in a way he will not be defensive; get to the truth and then you'll know how to deal with it all.
2007-12-09 15:50:23 · answer #4 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is just as confused as you are. Men do need personal space, and he might be frightened at the prospect of being a father. If he gives you no choice but to separate, have him agree to attend marriage counseling with you first.
I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this on top of being pregnant. My gut reaction to what you wrote is that he is serious about loving you and your child, he just doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. Taking counseling together will help you both to sort through your feelings. If you are financially unable to pay for counseling, many pastors are trained to counsel married couples and would be willing to provide that service for free.
2007-12-09 15:44:37 · answer #5 · answered by livewithoutfear 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds fishy to me, but then again I don't really have reason to trust men!
Just give him his space, it's no use keeping him tied down if he doesn't want to be there.
The harsh reality of it is that if he gets kept there against his will, he'll rebel and make things worse.
Let him go, and if he's meant to be with you, he'l come back, but if it wasn't meant to be, he won't then you're better off knowing that from the beginning.
Good luck, I know what you're going through is horrible!
2007-12-09 16:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by Ethan-Mikyle's Mommy! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. Our daughter was 4 months old at the time. He said all the exact things and I trusted that but felt it wasn't the whole truth. Then found out he was living with another woman. I'm not saying that is your situation but believe me, when your gut tells you something, it is usually the right thing. What is yours telling you?
2007-12-09 15:53:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lets look at this w/o emotions
your husband want to live in a home w/o you or his baby,
YOUR HUSBAND WANTS TO LIVE IN A HOME WITHOUT
YOU OR HIS BABY ( translation: having some" me" time with the new girlfriend)
he loves you ( translation:don't date anyone else in case i need a booty call )
he'll pay for you ( translation: whore)
he'll be there for the child ( translation: visiting his donated sperm periodically , how gracious of him)
DO whats right for your child. do not let this type of man/boy be an influence on it's life.
2007-12-09 16:09:34 · answer #8 · answered by Morgan Lefaye 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
seems that your husband is very selfish and thinks of only himself - fine time for him to want to roll out and there is a baby on the way - let him go - but as for you to secure your situation, i would go to court to get spousal support as long as he is gone - you may not like my answer, but you have to keep a roof over your head more so now, since there is a baby on the way. from here on out you will have to put the baby first, because he apparently is not - good luck to you
2007-12-09 15:46:15 · answer #9 · answered by lynnette 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give him his space. forcing it to be any different is just going to make things harder for everyone.
yes men can be really confused, just as much as a woman can be. there's different times in life where things just get piled up and it's sink or swim. he's probably feeling like he's sinking and doesn't want to put added stress onto you due to you being pregnant. but who knows, only time and space will sort it out at this point.
2007-12-09 15:45:07 · answer #10 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋