My fiance died last year. I am with someone new, he loves me a lot, i like him too, but I always end up thinking about my ex. I took a few months off from dating scene. But now that i'm dating again, i just start crying sometimes because i miss my ex so much. It's not fair, i just want to move on! I don't want to love him anymore! Is there any way to just stop it?
2007-12-09 07:12:05 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
y..would you love someone who is already "X"...
2007-12-09 07:15:49 · answer #1 · answered by zzedezz zzu 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I mean your ex was your fiance. You guys had plans for the future. You guys were going to get married, but unfortunately he passed. It has only been a year. If you loved someone enough to marry them, you had major feelings that just don't go away with a switch. It takes "time" get over things like that, but you will.
You have some feelings that you need to iron out from the loss of your ex. You will never stop loving your ex, realistically. You must realize that what you two once shared was good, but you know that if could he would want you to be free and love again. The only thing you can do is give yourself time. New relationships are good, but if you are still having old feelings resurface that means that you are not completely at peace with some things, and to start moving on you really have to allow yourself to be real with how you felt about your ex.
You can't say that you will stop loving him. You have to tell yourself that you loved him, but now he is gone, and if he were alive he wouldn't want you to be sad, he would want you to fall in love again. Once you are at peace with this notion you will be able to let go, and love once more!
2007-12-09 07:23:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The same thing happened to me five years ago, and from experience I think you may have started dating too quickly. It is different for everyone, but you may be so close to the loss that you are feeling guilt for dating someone. I thought about my fiance for a long time, felt him everywhere, and just couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Eventually the pain lessened and when I thought of him it was not pain but fond memories that I felt. At that point I knew I could date again. So far it hasn't worked out, and I still miss him, but I feel I have moved to a point where I am ready to be in a relationship. You will too, just give it some more time.
2007-12-09 07:21:00 · answer #3 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My fiance left and moved in with someone he met a week later. Be glad for the times you had with someone you loved and cherish those moments. He is with you all the time and would not want to see you unhappy. Take your time to grieve and don't move on until you are ready. Maybe you are looking for a replacement when you should really just be dating casually and keeping people at arms length until you meet someone you can open your heart to. In any case, make your fiance proud of you by seeking the happiness you deserve.
2007-12-09 07:16:57 · answer #4 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dealing with death can be trying on us sometimes especially when it someone we love very much. Sweetie you need to give yourself time to grieve for him. Loving someone isn't like turning on or off a faucet. You will find yourself crying and that's okay, that is part of your healing process. Start attending a grieving support group. That way you can start talking about whats going on with you, and be with people that understand what you are going through. In time you will see that the pain never goes away but you learn to live with your loss. If you believe in a high power ask them to help you cope with you loss. Remember he is in a safe place watching over you until you meet again. You will always love him and that's okay, try not to make yourself not love him, love and remember him as much as possible. If you try to not love him you will hurt even more. Eventually God will send you another to love just as much. Be patient in your healing process and take your time. Also try finding comfort in friends and family. Good luck and God Bless
2007-12-09 07:24:05 · answer #5 · answered by Just a friend! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ive been through a pretty tough relationship this past few months.. a lot of ups ands downs. sometimes i kno it would be easier if he wasnt around like if he moved, actually he was supposed to and even though i knew it would hurt to be away from him but i knew it was best for me not to see him. so with this said look at it and think about everything know that yal loved each other and ended with both of you knowing that. i would rather us have ended ina way that could not be prevented rather than a heart and gut wrenching fight for our love. you can move on and stilll have a strong love for him as well as someone new
2007-12-09 07:22:50 · answer #6 · answered by Jo 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You probably didn't give yourself enough time to grieve. For widowed people, the rule of thumb is at least a year before starting to date again. Perhaps you need to cool things off with this new guy and give yourself time to grieve. Let him have a relationship with someone who's ready for it.
2007-12-09 07:23:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe its too soon for new love. You need time to grieve the loss of one loved so much and get a chance to get your head together. You can't stop automatically loving someone just because they are no longer part of your life. I would suggest you see your gp who can refer you to a bereavement counsellor who will help you move on.
2007-12-09 07:20:26 · answer #8 · answered by Ellie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Have you looked into counseling for grievance? It's really hard to get over someone you love. When my mom died, I sought counseling and it really helped me a lot. I still miss her a lot, but I am able to move on now with my life. I hope this helps!! Good luck!
2007-12-09 07:16:21 · answer #9 · answered by *~Cam's Mommy ~* 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't try to forget about loving your fiance, you will always have those feelings. In finding a new man you are not replacing him, you are getting on with your life as your fiance would want you to do.
2007-12-09 07:29:10 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you cant stop the feeling of love maybe you shouldnt date until your fully ready or you will not be happy with the relationship...why didnt you go to a therapist because seeing that your fiance died you may be suffering from heartache
2007-12-09 07:22:54 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋