Why is my grown daughter's rejection of me having such a huge emotional turmoil on me ??

Question

Please be kind with your answers, I am near rock bottom already :) I am 56. My 28 yr old married daughter and with 2 babes, she doesn't want me in her life. In complete shock to me, this started when she got engaged at age 24, I had no idea of her dis-like for me. Much longer story, but for here :) What I need to know is why is it "shutting me down"? It haunts my every moment ?? If you can suggest some things for me to start looking at or email me so we can talk, I know I can overcome this, but I can't seem to shake it. I know God well, incase you were going to suggest I "get God" :) I am a 1/2 sick, retired elem teacher with no other family.

Answer 1

I think that you're depressed and might want to consider finding a therapist to talk to. AS for being rejected by your daughter OF Course it's going to hurt. I have three children 32,28 and 15 all girls and I would be devastated if one of them wanted to cut me out of her life. I'm not sure what the issues are but IF she and the children are the only family that you have it's scary thinking that you won't have them if you need them. You might see if you can talk to someone and find a way of healing the rift between you. I'm not sure that it could be done, but it might help you to know that you did all that you could to make things better. Talk to someone it' will give you some place to vent. This time of the year particularly it's hard to be with out family. I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck!!

Answer 2

This hit particularly close to home. At the age of 29 I no longer communicate w/ my dad and I know it hurts him. I could really go on all day. But if I could boil it down to one thing both my sister and I were brought into this world for the wrong reasons. Both my parents thought that we would make THEIR lives better, or be THEIR children, or be THEIR companions, or be THEIR surrogate lovers.

This is all pretty deep stuff for any body to digest. But please understand that she is not YOUR child. YOU do not own her, and she was not brought into this world to be YOUR companion. It is up to you and you alone to look for areas to take responsibility for where you went wrong.

A good start would be to stop expecting that she owes you something. If a co-worker or friend can reject you so can a child. In my experience 99.9% of the time the blame lies squarely on the shoulders of the parent.

Second, invite her to a therapy session w/ you. AND BE PREPARED TO START APOLOGIZING!!! I can guarantee that you have done a lot of bad things (all parents do) and just like a friend or co-worker you would be quick to offer an apology.

Remember, she is not YOUR daughter any more. She is a peer. You wouldn't talk down to a peer (and yes offering unsolicited advice to people is condescending) so why do you talk down to her?

Are you here to make HER life better???

Good Luck!!!

PS
And just as a side note, Are you a Jesus freak? Maybe she isn't and pushing your values isn't going to help either.

Answer 3

This is a difficult question because from what you said we really do not know why she doesnt want you in her life. If i had to guess, i would assume that before she got engaged, you and she spent alot of time together and you wanted to make alot of decisions for her (as parents like to do) Now she is older and has her own life and sometimes parents dont "get" that and still try to force there way in.

I suggest you approach the situation differently. Understand that she is a grown woman and doesnt need to be parented anymore. She has a husband who will take care of her now and be her support. I know its hard to not be needed by your children, but trying to force yourself in her life will only make things worse. Next time you talk to her, just listen to her and try to understand her. Dont try to give advice, or tell her what she should be doing(because i suspect you might be doing this)

But basically all you have to do is do what you should've done 10 years ago when she turned 18. You need to let go. Let her live. Once she knows you respect her space, she might even come to you for advice later. I wish there was something more i could say to make you feel better, but this is your journey of growth and if you are not growing you are dying so please try to grow from this.

Answer 4

Try talking to her. 1st apologize for whatever you did to her and let her know that you are not/were not aware of the wrong that you did. Let her know that you are open & willing to work on whatever it is that you did to her. That will usually open up a channel to heal. Your daughter needs to know that you are repentant & willing to make things right with her.