So heres the story, Im a 26 yr old lesbian and have been with my girlfriend whos 47for 2 yrs. We live together and all we do is fight. She is very selfish & verbally abusive. We have almost a love/hate relationship. Last yr we were having some problems & with no notice she tells me shes moving to Bklyn & that I should go home to my Mom's. I was devastated. I wasnt read to end the rel. &said I would move with her to Bklyn. Since Ive been here we still fight so much & I resent her for how &what she did to me. Shes always putting me down saying Im immature, she cant wait to get rid of me, I'm crazy, etc then when she calms down she tels me that Im such an angel & I'm so good & that she knows she gets crazy. I cant take it anymore. I am so depressed-I feel dead inside. I go to work &come home &go to sleep. Friends keep telling me to leave but I feel so weak. She even tells me to leave if Im so unhappy. I guess im waiting for her to change. What should I do? How do I get strong?
2007-12-09 02:58:38 · 14 answers · asked by DreamGrl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to leave ASAP. Your emotional state is breaking down, and she is doing that to you, and you are allowing her too by staying there. For your own sanity and health, please get out of there right now. Abuse from anyone is just wrong... be it verbal or physical. The crap she feeds you when she "calms down" is just bullsh*t to keep you there.. you are her torture toy.... Please, as I said, it's imperative that you leave. You deserve happiness, and you will never attain that with her.
2007-12-09 03:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by Racer 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well-said, Racer.
Your girlfriend is 47 and you expect her to change? Don't hold your breath.
It seems you're afraid of change, afraid that what happens to you after you leave might be worse than what you've got now. So you sit and sulk and stew in your toxic environment. You need to embrace the idea that change is good. Take it step by step so the breakup is not so traumatic, and work through each hiccup:
1)"I tell her I'm leaving, and she'll flip out. Nothing new, she does that all the time. I've handled it before, and I can handle it again. (see, you're strong!) "Or, I can sit her down, and tell her right away I want to be civil about this. No big nasty confrontation. Just a simple 'Neither of us are happy, and it's time for us to go our separate ways.' "
2)"I need a place to go. I could look for my own place, but if she finds out, she'll probably flip out... again, no big deal. So if she throws me out, I can just stay with Mom or some friends for a while until I get my own place."
It will never happen if you keep wondering how to make it happen. Sometimes it's just a cold lake... just jump in!
2007-12-09 11:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by Cunning Linguist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Consider first that she has been verbally abusive. that leads to disrespect. If you take this consistantly it shows you are weak. the next step is physical abuse and then.... Serious consequences
Get out. When a person has so little respect for you as a pserson that they can be abusive in any form, there is no emotional relationship (Love, caring, kindness). The reformation after the mood is a result of guilt but not of real penitance. Why - because it happens again.
You said it. You are weak and you are letting yourself be abused. If you like it, stay. If you do not like it, take all sensible advice and get out before you get hurt physically as well as emotionally.
If she can't wait to get rid of you, why do you stay? Do you like the abuse?
She told you to go home yet you followed her like a whipped puppy. Do you like the humiliation?
She tell you to get out but you stay? What for, mental anguish?
You can't take it any more yet you come here to ask people to tell you to get out. She is correct. you are either crazy or a masochist waiting for the inevitable physical abuse that is coming as surely as you write this message.
Get out, Use your common sense. How can you let yourself be so abused and even want to be around such a person. Have you no self respect?
There are other people who would very much find you attractive, caring, mature and responsible. They would give anything to meet someone like you. Get out of that hell hole and take advantage of someone who would appreciate, love, respect and welcome such as you.
Don't wait - ton't tell her what you are going to do. Just do it. There is a possibility that she may fly into a rage and seriously injure you. She has no love, respect and feelings for you. Her bad temper can make he do almost anything. Leave without notice of any kind while you are still able to do so on your own feet.
2007-12-09 11:24:06 · answer #3 · answered by organbuilder272 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is the one who is immature and never stops to think about what she is going to say before she says it. You said you come home and go to sleep, feel dead inside/depressed. Well, if you left her, you honestly would probably feel the same way for a while because its always tough ending a relationship. But the longer you wait, the harder and worse it will get. If you get out now, you WILL be depressed for a while but its no different than how you feel now BUT you have the chance to be happy again in the future with another women who treats you with respect and who makes you feel alive! You will be showing tremendous respect for yourself if you get out of this dead-end relationship and after some grieving time, you know that what you did was right and you will be proud of yourself. Good luck!
2007-12-09 11:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Youve crossed the first hurdle here. You realize you cant make a major decision and stick with it, but unfortunately the time has come to grow up and make that major decision and move on otherwise youre going to be stuck in that place forever or until she makes it for you which never is pretty or comes at the right time. Move out and on and find someone more your age as youve now experienced the older woman. If you cant face her then just leave the good bye letter as you lave with your stuff and dont look back. Good luck and Happy Holidays
2007-12-09 11:22:27 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change or love someone enough to make them change, been there, done that, don't work. Go on and leave.. If she is verbally abusive to you, you deserve better. There are so many more women out there wanting someone to love, go for it! Never stay in an abusive relationship, it won't get better, trust me!!! LEAVE!
2007-12-09 11:06:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bad news...It never gets better, only worst. Even when you start over and anew, you still hold on to those old feelings and when the damn burst all the past problems comes rushing out make it and even bigger problem. Leave now get over her and get on with your life. She'll never change, you have set a precedence.
2007-12-09 11:09:36 · answer #7 · answered by wind champ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE!! I have told b/fs in the past if they are that unhappy to just leave and I meant it. I meant it because internally I was through with the relationship and could care less whether they were there or not. This is what she is telling you-trust me from personal experience!!!!!!!
2007-12-09 11:09:53 · answer #8 · answered by Sappy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a terrible relationship. Get out of it. Live alone and learn to take care of yourself. Get into things you enjoy. If you have trouble doing this, see a therapist to help you in exploring this. God luck. She is not going to change.
2007-12-10 13:41:49 · answer #9 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby, u're young, u have a lot to offer, don't allow her to abuse u this way, her or anyone else...be strong and get out form this relationship. there is no reason to suffer, u will find someone else, young like u and with a good heart and give her all ur love. leave her now, go to ur mom, stay with people who love u, not with an abusive old b***ch. please hun, love urself a lil more
2007-12-09 11:23:25 · answer #10 · answered by Savanna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋