Is it ok for a person to have people they've been in previous relationships with in their wedding or participate in other family functions around their current spouse? If the former couple are not involved anymore, is there any harm in being friends? Would you allow your spouse/partner to have a friendship with someone he/she has been involved with or cheated on you with?
People visit or call a former lover just to say "hi" even though he/she is involved with someone new. What's the harm in that? People cheat on their spouses and bring their lover to family dinners or around their children. Many people have marriages/relationships where its ok to have outside sexual relationships. If these people are ok with these things, doesn't that make it ok?
Is it ok to keep secrets of events that occurred before a relationship or a marriage? What they don't know won't hurt them?
If you cheated on your partner and later found out that they also cheated doesn't that make it even?
2007-12-09 02:23:48 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey, sorry about all the questions. I just like to get as many opinions in one posting as I can. I am always amazed at how much some people differ in their opinions. Thanks for answering.
2007-12-09 02:35:19 · update #1
This is purely opinion based questioning. None of these things refer to my own experiences, just things I've observed and always wondered how people felt about it.
2007-12-09 02:40:42 · update #2
All these things would cause big problems for me in my relationship but it someone elses it may not it just depends on the openess of the relationship
2007-12-09 02:33:21 · answer #1 · answered by ღKrissyღ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's okay to maintain friendships with previous lovers and have them in your life. The key words here are "previous lovers"....not present lovers. If your current partner has an issue, then they need to address why they don't trust you.
If a couple in a relationship is okay with each other having outside lovers/playmates then it's fine. It's their business and no one else's...doing things behind one's partner's back or against their desires is where the issue comes in.
One has a right to privacy, however if secrets are being kept because one feels their current partner would leave them if they knew, then that doesn't show that there is much faith in the relationship and perhaps the 2 people aren't really a good match. It makes both parties lying, betrayers who cannot be trusted and care more about their own feelings than those of people they are supposed to love. Not the type of person many of us would care ot associate with.
No, 2 wrongs don't make a right. If you cheat and your partner cheats that doesn't create a balance where all should be well and forgiven (but if the parties feel it does, it's their biz). Cheating back isn't revenge, it just creates negative karma for the person who thinks they are getting back at a cheating partner...in other words, it's stupid and probably a good start to the end of their relationship.
2007-12-09 02:31:48 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happen before is none on the new partners business. When you start a new relationship the old lovers still to stay in the past. 2 wrongs never make a right. You sound very immature by asking If you cheated on your partner and later found out that they also cheated doesn't that make it even? If you are in a relationship you need to get out of it and GROW up.
2007-12-09 02:34:53 · answer #3 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the last question, two wrongs don't make a right.
I think it's ok to have an ex and their new partner around as friends.
Bringing the person you were cheated on with around is disrespectful.
Keeping secrets about things before the relationship is ok too.
2007-12-09 02:30:53 · answer #4 · answered by just me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am getting married in August and my X and his parents will be there. We all get along so it is not a problem. I speak to my X on the phone and when he comes to get our daughter he stays at our house since he lives out of state. As far as the open relationships where people have lovers I have no idea because I believe in monogamy. And if you truly love someone you should not keep secrets. Secrets come back to haunt you when at least expected.
And I do not believe in cheating so I do not believe that 2 wrongs make things even.
2007-12-09 02:32:44 · answer #5 · answered by Lee S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that just seems messed up, no it's not "even" just because you both cheated on each other at one point. two wrongs don't make a right. that just means that something is wrong with your marriage. and if it's okay for a married couple to have outside sexual relationships, why would they get married. i can tell you i would not want anyone my husband had slept with in the past to be coming around my house and staying for dinner, now if they see them in passing or at a social function, saying hi or being polite is not a problem.
2007-12-09 02:31:28 · answer #6 · answered by MK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think its a good idea to have a ex lover involved in something so special ... and i sure wouldnt want someone that my spouse cheated on around or him to have contact with them ... and definetly not around my children ... two wrongs never made a right ... just because some people think somethings ok ..doesnt mean its morally ok
2007-12-09 02:52:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok first of all..personally no i dont think its ok for a husband to have his ex girlfriends to call just to say 'hi'. I also wouldn't want them in my wedding! Forget that...and if you cheated on your partner and later found out they cheated on you..i guess it would make it 'even'..you really wouldn't be able to say much because you did the same. (not YOU..just anyone in general)...anyways..good luck with all this..and i like your avatar ;)
2007-12-09 02:29:23 · answer #8 · answered by keep it simple 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your going to screw around with ex lovers b/f's g/f's then it is STUPID to even CONSIDER marriage.
Either the person getting married needs to commit or stay single.Getting married the committing adultery is only committing TO adultery and not the person OR the marriage hon.
One of the marriage vows is "do you forsake all others for him/her til death do you part?"
Dragging ex lovers into your marriage bed or your marriage period is breaking that vow.
2007-12-09 02:29:48 · answer #9 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too many questions! The bottom line is that cheating and the ex around is never good. I wouldn't recommend either.
2007-12-09 02:26:53 · answer #10 · answered by primalclaws1974 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋