Dying friend?

Question

I have a few questions to ask about my friend who is dying. My friend has been a cancer patient since age 12 and is now losing his battle at age 17. At his last visit to the doctors they gave him 6 weeks to live. It's been 15 weeks since that visit. Recently his condition has worsened to the point that he's on oxygen.

People at my school keep asking about his condition when they refuse to call, go see him or even send him an e-mail. It gets annoying and makes me very depressed while in school. What's a polite way to tell them to go away?

My next question is about next year. I'm a high school senior and I've got a full scholarship to a tech school in Arizona. I currently live on the east coast should I take the scholarship even though I'll still be mourning my friend's death?

My last question is about my friend's family. Currently they try and include me in everything they do, but when my friend dies I don't think I'll be able to face them. What should I do?

Answer 1

Like most people your age, you have a tendency to try to worry about the whole spectrum instead of seeing things unfold one layer at a time. You do not need to tell the people at school to go away....it's an annoyance,yes, but that's just people being people. Many folks shy away when they think someone is dying; only the truly insightful and courageous people hang in there for all of that anxiety. (Guess what you must be?) As for next year, go ahead and take the scholarship; you've obviously earned it. If in fact you happen to be mourning at that time, so be it. I can think of no better way to honor your friend's memory than to live a full, self-actualized life. You are bonding with your friend's family even now in ways you're too busy to even realize; those bonds will survive the next few months and far into your adult life if you allow them to. Your kindness will be remembered, and you won't have any trouble facing them because you'll know with a certainty that you've done everything that could be done to provide comfort to your friend and to them when it mattered the most.
People will die all throughout your lifetime; sadly there's no way around that fact. But there are cherished moments in between those events that make up the substance of life itself...moments that should not be sacrificed prematurely by attempting to look ahead of them to what comes next. When you do this, you rob yourself of experiences that define you. Learn to appreciate the moment, and treasure life. Death takes care of itself. Good luck to you, and God bless you, your friend and his family.

Answer 2

Let me start off by saying what a great friend you are. Facing these people at school,It's hard, just tell them he's alright and and than just, walk away, I mean You have to face these people everyday, so just be nice about it.

Secondly, Please take up the offer into pursuing your college career in Arizona, Your friend, will be happy knowing you're going far with your life. Whether you're there or not all the time, your friend will know that you were there for him, and when he's looking down upon you, he wants to be happy for you, and don't you want to make him proud?

Always talk to them, at least once a week, they will want to hear from you, no matter how scared you are, apparantly from your story, you've been through a lot, and are close with the family. Keep in touch, go to Arizona, as for the kids at school. just think you have to face them EVERYDAY, until COLLEGE, so do what you think you can (for them)) :]

Answer 3

awww thats so hard, the reason y most people r prob just asking it cos they care bt maybe they dont no him enough they feel they cant go themselves, u should tell them to visit or just tell them the truth

u need support, although yes u have to be strong for ur friend and all, even he will know that this is well hard for you. u are an amazing friend and are being so good about all this, but dont forget to talk about it, and sadly when he passes dont block everyone out, talk to them

do what u think is right, if u want to do this scholarship go for it, its what ur friend would want u 2 do, he wouldnt want u 2 stop ur dreams because of him, take him with u in ur heart

ur friends family, well i can imagine u r very close to them, and u are like family to them now, i think u guys should support each other through it all.

xx

Answer 4

I'm very sorry about your friend. You have to be there for him & stay buy his side. I know it is hard for you, but his friends & family are very important at this time.

The people at school you need to keep them informed of his condition & ask them to please go see him, send a card, or e-mail. They are also the ones that will give you some comfort when he does pass away. Some people are afraid of death & dying. They want to keep their distance & are unsure of how to deal with the situation. You are right there with it because this is your best friend & you are there for him, which is good. Some best freinds can't handle the situation & distance themselves like some of your other friends.

Your friend would not want you to not go on with your life once he does pass. Go on to Arizona & use your scholarship. You will need to go on with your life. Keeping busy with school will help keep you mind off your recent loss.

Keep in touch with your friends family. They don't want you to just go away after their child dies. Basically your like a son to them. If they are including you in everything they want you around. If you just stop coming around after their son dies it will be like a double loss to them. I think this will be the same for you. Each of you will need the other for comfort. Don't be afraid to talk about him, something good, bad, goofy, or stupid he may have done. Don't just put the memories away, keep them alive.

Answer 5

First of all sorry to hear about your friend. Take the scholarship. I don't want to sound mean but your life shouldn't end because your friends is going to he would want you to take it. As for his family don't totally cut them out. Being around you is somehow helping them. After you friend is no longer with us you should call every so often and say hi.

Answer 6

i think u shld cherish every minute u have left with ur friend, becoz they will appreciate that more than anytng, they wont want u to mourn them, theyll want u to be happi, and if i was ur dying friend, i would tell u to take the scholarship make a life for urself, u onli live once. ur friend will want u to live life to the full. dont worri about how ull face ur family, theyl knw ur goin through a hard time. live ur life for u and ur friend.