after having my baby now always i think whether is this the right decision?

Question

i always think whether is this the right time for a baby. this thought is killing me. i'm going mad and cry on my own over the thought i know that's not good but i can't stop thinking. because i miss my daily life work and i am so tired and lose touch with friends and have fear whether i'am going to be a good mother.

Answer 1

You've had the baby so thinking about whether or not it was the right decision is pointless...the decision was made and unless you give up the child for adoption, your thoughts should be on being a good parent...not whether or not you should've had the child at all (ya can't send it back).

Perhaps you should speak to a counselor to get a change in perspective and help you focus on thoughts that will be more productive and helpful.

Answer 2

Well, it's not time now to think on whether you made the right decision, because it's already done.
The only thing you can do is try and stay strong with what you're doing right now.
Your hormones are freaking out right now, so that's why you're crying so much. It will get better as time goes by.
You can always get back to work at some point, but you can never get back your baby's first few days, weeks, months of life. It is a precious gift to be a part of.
Talk to your friends. Invite them over. Do you have friends and supportive family? Ask them to watch your baby for 2 hours once in a while and go somewhere on your own.

Answer 3

There is no such thing as a right time. Even when everything is "planned"you will discover that always things come up that make you think was this the right desicion? is it the right time? Is it responsible to put a baby in this world right now?

There are a few solutions to the things you wrote:
1. Make plans for work later. Decide to stop working till your child goes to school. I know, that takes another 4 years, but this is going to be the most beautiful time during which you will enjoy the first things your baby is doing.

2. plann one half day a week for yourself. Get someone to do babysitting that time, and do whatever you want to do: shopping, meet friends, watch a movie, sleep whatever. Don't be surprised though that you are going to miss the baby, worry all the time (that prooves that you're indead a good mother. at the same time if you don't feel that way, it can mean that you really need the time for yourself, and that you have a reliable friend/relative with the baby)

3. you don't need to loose touch with your friends.
if anyone among your friends had or has a baby, perfect match.
if anyone is single but you know they really love kids, get them involved with you and your baby
if that doesn't work, look at your church, neighbourhood, club, family or whatever and find yourself another new mother to befriend. it works for sure!

I'm only a dad to 74 foster children, but I hope you understand that my reply is serious!!!

Answer 4

One of my biggest fears was and still is whether or not I am a good mother to my son. You are not the first Mom to have these feelings, and you will get through them. Becoming a parent is a HUGE change, and like any other change that we go through, it takes time to adjust.

When my son was about a month old, I started to freak out. I didn't like him anymore, didn't like my life and the attention that I lost and the baby gained. I told my doctor about my feelings and he put me on an anti-depressant. The medicine allowed me to see my world through "rose colored glasses" until I was able to adjust to the changes. He also suggested that I find an activity that would get me out of the house, and away from the baby for an hour or so a day. I got a membership at the gym and he went to the nursery while I worked out and got my body back to MY body....(which was a big thing too). I also started a bible study with a group of stay at home mom's, and the church provided child care for the 2 hours that we ate lunch and did our study. Being with other mom's that were going through a lot of the same things I was experiencing, helped me realize that I was not alone, and that I could lean on others when I was feeling down.

I want to encourage you to keep your chin up. Stay positive even when it is hard to do. God doesn't give us anything that we can not handle. He gave you a great gift....MOTHERHOOD. Enjoy!

Answer 5

My friend (a very independent person) just had her first baby 2 months ago (she is 37) and has been feeling the same way, and also feeling guilty about feeling that way. I think the first few months are just really overwhelming and such a huge adjustment, but from what I hear and what I've seen with other friends, it definitely gets better once the baby is more responsive to you and becomes more independent (like being able to hold the bottle himself). I am due in March and am anticipating some of these feelings too, but please just hang in there, your daily life will come back, although with modifications! I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Answer 6

first ..

(big hug)

It is difficult going through all of this and you are wondering whether you have done the right thing. You have made your choice and you are finding the journey rough right now.

You will be fine. You will be a great parent. Look after yourself and think about all the fun times ahead as well. Watching your child grow up is one of the greatest blessings known to any human being.

It isn't always easy.

One tip - through the health services or doctor, see if you can be put in touch with a group of mothers in the same situation. They will welcome your friendship, they will understand how you are feeling and all of you can be there to boost each other.

Try and find that. My wife's friends from back then were absolute gold to her and many are her dearest friends. I know that is easy for me to say, but don't try and do everything on your own. Link up.

(hug again)

Peace

Answer 7

Sweetheart I understand and I think it IS the best thing for you to have your baby because this is a precious gift (whether you believe in God or not). I think coming here online is a good way to think through your feelings about it, and another way is by calling your local church (possibly even one you do not attend) and making an appt./or walk in and ask to speak to a lady counselor or pastor....someone you can talk to who will give you advice and/or resources (phone #'s, support groups)
in your area that will assist you in think through your tough time. There are actually people who do this for a living that keep your information private and it's free. Think about it because you need to sort through your feelings with people who DO care.

And of course you'll be a good mother, I can tell because you're really concerned now about this baby and that's a sign that you'll be just as concerned when it's born...crying about it shows just how important this life decision is. Relax and remember how precious life is and how amazing it is to have life inside and how strong you are and will be for the child...make those calls and God Bless.

Answer 8

if you had the baby in the last month or so this is kinda a normal thought. you just have a little baby blues from being tired and hormones. It should pass. if the baby is older this could be a sign of postpartum depression. there are lots of sites you could go to and look at symptoms and things you can do to help. To help you can eat a little dark chocolate which will release endorphines to boost your mood, sunlight to helps with being sad. Tea will relax you, and don't worry your life will calm down and you baby will love you.

Answer 9

How old is your baby? It sounds like you are just adjusting to the changes in hormones and the huge, life changing event of being a mom. Your feelings are normal. Once your baby is a little older and you have a good routine and you are able to get a routine for yourself ( one that involves SLEEP!!) you will feel better too. You did the right thing by becoming a mom and in time, you will feel much better about it.

If you aren't feeling better about things in the next few days, maybe make an appt with your OB. Sometimes just talking to someone about those feelings can help you feel so much better.

Congrats and good luck!

Answer 10

I think you will. You are worried you wont be a good mom so you already care just give it time and everthing will be ok there will be times you can still go out just not as much and just think about it at least you are raisn your pride and joy. And that is all that should matter to you now.