I got married 2 weeks ago and married life is great. My problem is my Husband and i have not had sex since Feb 2006!! I posted a questin on here about it a few months ago and with the help of that i manged to get him to see a dr and ha has now been reffered to a phyciatrist (we are just waitng for the appointment to come through). But i dont know who i can talk to about how its affecting me. I cant help thinking it me even though he has told me its nothing to do with me. I caught him looking at porn the other night which really doesnt help my feelings. Some days im ok and think that at least if he is looking at porn its not a physical problem but other days i spent the entire day at work trying not to burst into tears!
I love him so much and just want him to get better. we both want children, and he has said he would like me to be pregnant by this time next year!
Sorry its so long. And thanks in advance
2007-12-08 21:59:35 · 21 answers · asked by lucy m 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He does appriciate my body and he is so affectionate in any other way you could possibly think of. I dont want sex all the time-all i want at the mo is an improvment.
2007-12-08 22:36:27 · update #1
LOL ive been married for 8 years ..and wow its been since feb 2006 for me too ..i dont know what is wrong with my husband but i know it drives me nuts. I love my husband and other than this issue we have a happy marriage and are best friends ..if you wanna talk sometime let me know. (ive dealt with the porn issue as well)
2007-12-08 22:05:21 · answer #1 · answered by phantasygirlhfc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have faith! My heart breaks for you and your husband. It might be a good idea if you also see a psychiatrist. This is obviously very difficult for you. You will need to give your husband all the support you can and you won't be able to do this if you are not feeling well. Your husband might have performance anxiety and thus is still interested in sex but is unable to perform. Do things together like intimate massage (foreplay) but not sex just to build the intimacy. This will make you feel loved and will re-connect on an spiritual level. Just remember it is NOT YOU and there is nothing wrong with hubby either. Your husband is having a temporary problem which the psychiatrist will help him with.
2007-12-08 22:38:43 · answer #2 · answered by Aceirill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You start off by saying married life is great ( A LIE) yet you and your husband of 2 weeks have not had sex in almost a year and you are in tears at your job.
Honey, you are on your way to divorce university. Your husband has some serious sexual issues but you have your share of issues as well beginning with your self-denial issues. And why in the hell are you guys even thinking about getting pregnant!!
I would put the sex issue on hold for right now if I were you and I would go see a psychologist to get my problems fixed first.
2007-12-08 22:30:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This must be a very strange position to be in. But perhaps the desire to perform in that area of your marriage is getting to him. NOt in a bad way or anything, but just because he might want to step his game up a little and he is not sure how to. I have been married to my wife for around a month and a half and had a problem with wanting to make sure that everything was tip top, but through simple reassurance, and love she showed me that there is no need to push it because at the end of the day, love conquers all. I know its a cliche, but its true.
2007-12-09 01:18:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
geez omg! that is the same problem that i had before, and what happened to me we got separated...you know i was greatly affected of that though we have a kid already but since i was 3 months pregnant till the time we got separated nothing happened between the two of us, i was thinking so negatively that i even consulted a doctor about this feeling that i have but he didnt know that, to make the long story short our marriage failed and crumbled just because of that, i am not saying that sex should be the main focus whenever you get married but it is part of it, your man should appreciate your body and love it too, and looking at bold movies? i always caught him doing that and the worst he was even masterbating while i am asleep and he was even texting somebody else great anyway i hope you find the answer as soon as possible and pray hard
2007-12-08 22:27:28 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy_drinker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a thought... Just because he is looking at porn doesnt mean its not a medical issue. It still could be. Yeah, he was looking at porn, yeah, he was probably masturbating. But was he succesful or how long did it take him to make it successful? If he is not being successful, he may not want to have sex out of self esteem issues or inferiority complex, or nervousness.
Is he clinically depressed? Being depressed and the meds often dampen the sex drive. Is he on blood pressure meds? Those can often cause erections issues.
2007-12-08 22:23:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage life is great and you haven't had sex since Feb. 6?!?!? Are you insane? Do you really think he isn't having sex?!?!? Here are the facts of life you obviously have not learned yet:
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage ruins relationships(moving in is the same)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth if not just
keep believing the lies you hear from
everyone around you.
2007-12-09 01:37:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am no expert of course, but when things like this go on for a certain amount of time, it becomes very difficult to restart it again because your relationship will feel like sex is not part of it.
You have to talk to him, you need to start finding a way to get intimate with him again, tell him you miss it and that you want to do nice things for him (you know what I mean), once things start up again then things should start taking off.
It sounds a really unfortunate situation, I hope you manage to change things.
2007-12-08 22:18:30 · answer #8 · answered by Carlton J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should be seeing what he is looking at on your computer. Take it to a forensics person. I'm sorry but red flags are going up in my mind. No sex with a real person. Looking at porn...wants children...
I once dated a guy who immediately "fell in love" with me and after a few weeks started talking about kids. He seemed too good to be true I was suspicious and found out he was a closeted gay guy...He just wanted someone to knock up!
I'm sorry you are going through this it must be a very painful experience. I think getting a hacker to get into your hard drive might get you some answers....because whatever this fetish is he has hes not coming out with it.
2007-12-08 22:08:38 · answer #9 · answered by ☺☻☺☻☺☻ 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi Lucy
Of course this problem will get you down, it is rather unusual for newlyweds.
You can only take stock of the fine relationship you have and the love you share must be great because alot of people wouldn't even contemplate taking this problem on.
He must get help for himself, because he is being very unfair to you, a physical love reinforces emotional love and it is nature's way of providing us with children.
Make him get help to find out what will unlock his inhibitions, because he must have them. If he truly wants to be a husband in every sense of the word to you, then he will want to do this for you both and thereby secure your future happiness.
2007-12-09 03:25:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋