I've been with my man for 15 years and we've no children. However I've met someone that's awoken me from what I can only describe as a living coma. He's perfect and last week I told my partner I was leaving (I've not been happy for a while and we live two very different lives). I made no mention of my new love for fear that it would destroy him however I'm now riddled in guilt. The guilt lies with the fact that leaving will destroy him. He's a sensative guy and I know leaving him would finish him off (even though the house is rented he could'nt cope with the bills, rent, etc) and on top on that he runs his own small business which in turn would suffer. In sumary I think leaving would cause some kind of emotional breakdown that might lead to god knows what.
Is it selfish to be happy just once in my life for me?
2007-12-08 21:31:43 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Shoulda left him a long time ago. Why did you stay so long? My brother broke up with his 7 year girlfriend to get married to this girl. Your even worst. Don't expect comfort. You know you should have left long ago. You wasted 15 years of someones life.
2007-12-08 21:35:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I believed what you do once upon a time. Heres the real deal though. Ofourse he will be crushed. Destroyed is probably going too far. If he is well, he will repair himself. Or he wont. If he likes having his own business, then he will continue to run his business. If he likes having a roof over his head and electricity then he will pay his bills. We take care of whats important to us right? It doesnt sound like he was taking care of you or the relationship. So Im guessing he mustve been putting his biz first. Your leaving him shouldnt make him do a complete turn around and neglect whats really important to him. If it does then its his problem. Not yours. If he left you tommorrow would you lose your job and home? So there you have it. Its no wonder youre over it. Its hard to stay romantically interested in a man we feel we need to guide through life. Which is why youre probably giving yourself so much credit. Are you really his backbone? His reason for waking up every day? His reason for doing what many people do every single day. Go to work and pay thier bills whether or not we have a broken heart. You should give up your own life so he doesnt lose his? Thats a little codependent. Just keep the new love far away from him for atleast a few months. Thats what a decent person would do. Finally ask yourself this. Would you really want a man staying with you out of guilt? Or want a man who would use guilt as a means to keep you? He'll be fine. He might even fall in love before you know it. Where you could end up dumped by the new guy. One never knows what the future holds. Youre not responsible for anyone elses but your own.
2007-12-08 22:15:50 · answer #2 · answered by aperfectpeach 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People do not grow up over night.If you were married at a young age,take into consideration,he is probably treating you the same way he saw his dad treat his mother.From what you say about him,you have a good man he just needs a little adjustment.When thinking of leaving,you have to consider the fact,it's not just your feelings.If you leave now,your children may have the idea that this is how men treat women,Then the cycle continues on to another generation!And worse of all the children won't have their dad at home every night.And another thing to think about,You say you want someone to love and respect you?You may get lucky and find a good man to love and respect you.But remember the children,most men do not want to take care of another man's children!I'm not saying all men are like that,but a large number are.You will constantly be worrying whether or not the new guy is going to abuse or molest your children.The grass usually is never greener on the other side.At least you know what you have at home and with a little adjusting from both of you may save your marriage........... I'm not trying to tell you what you should do,My x was a lot like you describe your husband.I left! That was 15 years ago.I have regretted it every day!I discovered over the years,I also needed to grow up!And here I sit today,alone!Answering questions on Yahoo! But! If you feel in your heart that there's no way he will change,then leaving is your only chance to be happy.Follow your heart!
2016-04-08 03:17:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say is it selfish to be happy once in your life just for you, were you not happy when you married 15 years ago? I think that you are being pulled in different directions by your emotions - one is your unhappiness at home, another is your enjoyment with your new friend and so on. What the real truth and issues are behind those feelings I dont think anyone knows. That is why I think you and your husband should speak to a marraige counsellor who could help you get things out on the table. Why is your husband (a 'sensitive guy') apparently preoccupied and no fun? Possibly there is a reason you are not aware of. I think in all fairness to your husband and yourself you need to make a real effort to get to the heart of your problems to see if they are really as insoluble as your feelings tell you are. At the end of it you may see things differently and stay together.
2007-12-08 21:44:08 · answer #4 · answered by pete the pirate 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's no point staying in a relationship if you're not happy. I'm not sure whether you leaving will destroy your current partner. It may, but it may not. Break ups after such a long time together are never easy and you'll feel guilty for a long time and he will hurt, but life goes on. He may very well find someone who will be happy with him and he deserves that and you deserve to be with someone that makes you happy.
Thing is, in life, you only get to go around once and you have to make the best of it. You did right not to tell about your new friend there. No need to add fuel to the fire. Just leave and be as amicable about the separation as possible. Hopefully you and your soon to be ex can manage to remain friends in the future or remain on amicable terms.
2007-12-08 21:44:26 · answer #5 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No i disagree you are not selfish....where does it say that if you are unhappy in a relationship you have to stay because someone else cant afford to pay the bills...
Life is way too short...but maybe he has friends that you could get involved to keep an eye on him and to pull him through the dark times.
Pay your share of the rent for an extra month just to be kind...same with the bills...
If i was your partner i would much prefer you to stay because you loved me rather that staying cos you felt obligated...
Just be gentle and try and explain to you ex partner that you love him but not in the way you should....call his parents and friends and explain you have parted and that he needs someone to be there.
Good luck and NO YOU ARE NOT SELFISH...
2007-12-08 21:38:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
NO! You have emotionals to handle too...you have to deal with those as well... My advice to you is just be real with your guy just sit him down at dinner in a new place (not at the home)..just be honest tell him that you haven't been happy for however long and tell him EVERY reason that is behind the unhappiness..and then be honest and tell him that you have met someone new..because in a sense he has the right to now..and once you do have this discussion dont stay another night..leave get on with your life and wish him luck!
2007-12-08 21:36:49 · answer #7 · answered by stskdr07 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
oh man, i ant going to lie your in a pickle. In one hand you think you found the guy that's right for you but on the other you still care for the one your with. If you still have any love for the man your with then talk to him. both of you should try to work out the problems with your relationship but if the love is all gone then you need to do what is best for you B/C you only live once and you should be happy. but sometimes to be happy you need to hurt the people you still care for. If you decide to leave him hopefully he will be strong and find a way to coup with it and still keep his business.
2007-12-08 21:47:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. It's not selfish. It's not fair to him or you if you stay out of guilt, because you will never truly be happy, and if you aren't, he won't be either. Explain things to him the best you can...tell him that you care about him, and don't want to hurt him, but that you want to be honest with him and not decieve him any longer. It will hurt both of you for a long time, but it's the right thing to do.
2007-12-08 21:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by mazey1967 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you married? If you're married, you should stay with him and try to work things out. Relationships have to be nurtured and take hard work, patience, and time to be successful. Sounds to me like you're wanting the easy way out. What are you going to do if your new Mr. Right turns out be Mr. Wrong or leaves your butt behind because he found something better? Gonna run back to what's familiar?
If you aren't married, then the world is your oyster, but remember, don't go running back to the guy who loves you because things didn't work out with the one you left him for.
2007-12-08 21:55:32 · answer #10 · answered by flyinghighfreebird 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋