why am i so helpless?

Question

i still want to be with him even though he is running away from me, i have two kids we both love them,and even after so many years i still love him. he wants to have a single life,re live the years he has lost being with me.i m clueless why i want to hang on,can someone help me

Answer 1

don't get depress.......try your best to live happily with your kids.
some day he will come back.........if you want to wait ...........wait till that day...........otherwise find a nice guy who wants to live with you along with your kids..........better for long run.....

Answer 2

I don't want to be harsh but you answered your own question..

Stop chasing him. Go out and fond a man who deserves the effort you are willing to put forth in a relationship. You might be amazed at how happy the new guy makes you. "Years he lost being with you..." how about the time YOU have lost?? He is a careless, inconsiderate ******* and I wouldn't doubt it if he is slipping around behind your back. Men like that are pigs.

You didn't mention your own mental well being too much. I bet your self esteem is in the toilet. I bet you OVER DO every thing trying to get this guy to realize how much you care. STOP IT BEFORE I HUNT YOU DOWN AND SHAKE YOU!!!

Put that time and energy into making you happy. In turn the person who truly deserves you will see that you are a well put together chic with two awesome kids that needs someone to focus on what she needs/wants/desires for a little bit.

You aren't helpless. Somewhere along the way you have probably been conditioned into believing you don't deserve better. YOU DO!! Now go get it. Pack his crap and set it on the porch. You have tried and he isn't ever going to come around...

And ask yourself this- do you want him to be there because YOU want him there or do you want him to be there because HE wants to be? If it's because you want him to be and he don't wanna be there neither of you will ever be happy and that negativity will soak into your kids and before you know it you'll have 2 adult codependents on your hands- just like mama!

Good luck, girl... Go get your hair done. Put on some make up and look absolutely SMASHING when you throw his worthless *** out!

Answer 3

Yeah. You have given power over whether or not you feel loved, wanted, sexy, attractive, a good person etc... to your b/f. It's like without him you won't feel these things. (You have the double emotional hit of sharing kids together.)

It's okay, just about everyone does it. But it doesn't work, because no one else can truely do that stuff for us. We can only do it for ourselves. (It's called sef-validation) Let him go mate, he's the one who is clueless. Calm yourself down, and build yourself up. You will get to the stage where you enjoy yourself (simply because you know you are a good person, sexy, attractive, loving etc.. and belive it!!). and your new power to make yourself feel good. You'll start attracting all kinds of delicious guys, well decent guys anyway looking for the same things you are (family, passion, marriage values - whatever). Very best luck. PS, don't bother taking your man back when he comes crawling home - you have outgrown him already, you just don't know it yet. He can continue his commitment with the children.

Answer 4

Let him Go! I don't care how much you love him.. you can't make him stay with you... He has a choice and his choice is to venture out. It seems as if he is your security and losing that is very hard.. Love doesn't die sometimes and if you two have been together for many years he will always have a place in your heart and you just need to accept that.. My advice ... Heal your heart .. then start dating.. you just have to get over him and move on.. I know thats a very hurtful thing to go through but sometimes you have to do what you don't want to.

Answer 5

Obviously you love him. Let him go. It will be hard after all that you had together, but he isn't thinking about you or the kids right now. He is selfish! Take this time to regroup your feelings and your life. It will take some time, but you will move past him, maybe even finding someone else who won't ever desert you for some selfish, childish desire.

Answer 6

It sounds like you need a Backbone. I hear Women complain all the time about their Spouse Cheating on them, yet they do Nothing but Complain about it. A Person will do, what they are allowed to do and if you have such Low self esteem for yourself that you would allow his behavior, then you deserve what you get. Cut the ties and Move on and be a Grown Adult.

Answer 7

If you are feeling helpless then you are not confident, one possible reason i think is you are very down to earth and easy going, believing in let go policy, you will have to make up your mind, i know men or women who ever cheats will almost keep on cheating their whole life very few. people change. but 99.99% nature does not change. it's your call. i know people who break relationship if the spouse cheats once and some people will accept it.

Answer 8

Because u feel so. Life is urs , in spite of hanging on try to be happy within ur own domain. U seem to have no control over ur own self.

Answer 9

No. Nobody can help you.

You need to help yourself. Only you are responsible for your happiness.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that you are a beautiful, worth while person. You deserve better than he can ever give you.

Once you accept this fact, you begin to heal.

Good luck. i will pray for you.

Answer 10

Aren't your self-esteem and love for children more important than this man?

Answer 11

ready your makeups and find a new man. let this one go. he wants to screw around and throw away the best things in his life. if he's stupid, that's his problem.