My old best friend hurt me when she chose her boyfriend and my ex (who was abusive) over our 7year friendship. She said some pretty hurtful things to me. Since then we havn't really spoken much. She broke up with her boyfriend about 4months ago.
However last night I went to her Christmas Party. Her ex was there and also a friend of theirs who has come from overseas to visit.
About a week ago she told me that she hated her ex so much and that her ex was stopping her from seeing their friend who has come over to visit.
Last night at her party I spent the whole time talking her ex (we've always been good friends) and her friend from overseas. I could tell that she wasn't happy about it.
I've been invited out with her ex and their friend next week. She couldn't come anyway because she's underage. I know if I go and she finds out she'll be furious and hurt, just like the way she hurt me.
Sorry this is confusing but do you think I should go and hang out with them?
2007-12-08 19:09:40 · 19 answers · asked by ★☆✿❀ 7 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Their friend from overseas is a male.
I don't want to regain her friendship. She is the most gutless person I know and I'm moving in 2 and a half months so I wont see her again after than, hopefully.
2007-12-08 19:20:44 · update #1
I don't like any of these people anymore than a friend.
2007-12-08 19:26:35 · update #2
Their overseas friend is staying at her ex's house. Oh i wasn't being friendly with her overseas friend to be a b*tch, we were being friendly because I was born in the same place he's from.
2007-12-08 19:38:56 · update #3
If you honestly think you'll feel better afterwards, then go for it.
However, stooping to another person's level makes you no better than they, and should be pointed out that if she chose all that over your "friendship" then SHE should be the one sorry for losing the better person as a friend...you just lost a future obstacle in your happiness.
My honest opinion? (lol, not that it matters....but since you asked in the Psychology section) Let her be, SHE's the one that made the mistake, and carry on your life as if she never existed....
Now for the twist in my can't-we-all-just-get-along synopsis....
If carrying on your life like she never existed meant that who cares who you talk to and who cares what happens with those people that you're talking to, then let the chips fall where they may. If she just so happens to bear witness to certain things while you're carrying on your everyday life, then sucks to be her, lol.....my point is don't go out of your way to deliberately rub stuff in her face...let things happen naturally.
2007-12-08 19:44:13 · answer #1 · answered by imrt70 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Revenge never solves anything.Taking revenge may give you a good feeling in the short run but over the long term you will probably not find any lasting satisfaction.In order to exact your revenge you must use other people ( or go through other people ) in a deliberate attempt to hurt another. How do you think her friends will feel if they find out that you used them to get your revenge on their friend?Wabby,I think you are made of better tsuff than that.If you still feel hurt or betrayed by this girl's past behaviour either try to talk to her about your feelings or just let it go.When we allow past wrongs to fester it grows like a cancer and it takes away a little bit of you each day.Sometimes in order to heal we need to forgive and forget.We can't change the past but we can take control of our actions today by the choices we make.Ultimately it is up to you but I think you should take a moment a think about what price you will be paying for your revenge. I hope you will take my advice in the spirit it was given.It is the same advice I would have given my own daughters.Take care.
2007-12-09 19:23:40 · answer #2 · answered by gussie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the chance for revenge, unless being the "bigger person" in the situation is important to you. It seems that your friend didn't value your friendship at all, why should you spare her feelings now?
There's always talk of second chances; letting people change. But if you're moving soon and you don't want her friendship, you might as well make it hurt her just like she hurt you. It could be mean, but that's what revenge is.
2007-12-09 03:27:59 · answer #3 · answered by Bridget Chanel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Revenge is never a good thing. If you are friends with her ex and the girl from overseas then go out with them. Don't lie about it or throw it in her face. Yes she hurt you but be the bigger woman by letting it go. Do you want her to know that she hurt you. Most people don't. So keep it to yourself. Enjoy your time with your friends and don't worry about her. If she can't handle it that is her problem not yours. Don't make it yours by being nasty about it. You know your not like that.
2007-12-09 03:18:02 · answer #4 · answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Would you be at ease letting these folk know that, in a roundabout way, you will be using them to get back at someone who you say doesn't matter in your life anymore?
In a few weeks you'll move, and you can always know that your ex-friend will be stuck in the mess she has made for herself, without your support.
If you want to go out for the evening with these folks because you'll enjoy it and have fun ~ go for it.
If you are doing it to get revenge, why bother? You can have more fun chatting online on Yahoo!Answers with people who haven't done wrong by you.
Cheers :-)
2007-12-09 06:30:33 · answer #5 · answered by thing55000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that she has done some pretty hurtful things to you, but why should that make it okay for you to hurt her back? I know it may feel as if it will make you much happier if you hurt her, but chances are it will probably make you unhappy. If you refuse the meeting, she will know that you are a mature human being. You may never get up to 'friend' standard as you were before, but you might be able to move on. In ten years time, you'll look back and feel better if you refuse this meeting.
Remember, if you hurt her, you are just as bad as she was.
Hope I helped.
2007-12-09 03:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by pokecandy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why not? She didn't value you as a friend. Might as well get on with your life but go with the overseas visitor, but only if you really like him and vice versa. Then she can't say anything because she hasn't been with him (hopefully). It's not fair and right to bring innocent bystanders into this and put them in the middle.
2007-12-09 03:20:47 · answer #7 · answered by noodlesmycat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your life! But IL have too say revenge isn't a good thing.
If you want to go out and there really is no malice involved , go out have a good time, if your friend cant handle that too bad.
You sound like a deep thinker?
This is a minor thing in my eyes, go enjoy yourself because its not you with the problem its your friend.
2007-12-09 04:35:48 · answer #8 · answered by Riki3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I got divorced 9 years ago, I had a perfect opportunity to get back at my cheating wife. But I chose to stay above that, trying to make the divorce as easy as possible. She chose to make it as difficult as possible and turned my life into a living frigging hell, temporarily. I estimate I lost $200,000 all in all.
She lost thousands of dollars through lawyers, bad decisions and getting her pound of flesh.
Fast forward to now, I am living my dream, because, as I said, I chose to stay above that. Now she is only starting to come out of her anger and talk to me after all these years. From what little I have found out, she lived her pizzzzz poor existence, getting people to feel sorry for her, till they finally figured her out. I've had people contact me apologizing for believing her.
Really I only want the best for her, even though she chose to do what she did. I told her several times all of that would come back to haunt her. Sometimes it takes years, but it happens sooner or later.
My advice, don't believe that nice guys finish last, believe they finish first. Because, unlike *******, instant gratification maybe instant yet patience is an asset and something to be proud of if you can keep it.
Time does tend to heal all wounds. Even the gaping ones, that is, if we chose to do so.
Peace
Jim
.
2007-12-09 06:51:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you have heard the saying "revenge is sweet"? but you never head the rest of it i bet ... "reveng is sweet, only to the Devil"he is the only one that will enjoy it ... but in your case yes your question is a bit confusing but if you were asked to go out with them then go out and have fun but don't think of it as revenge as you are only hanging out with them and not dating them... go and have fun and keep it as a friends only date and you should be fine... what does it matter if your old best friend finds out. just don't let it be you that tells her as it would sound like you were rubbing it in....why would she let her EX tell her what she can and cant do . she is a person who can make her own choices so if she wants to see her friend from over seas then she should and her EX can go fly a kite...as far as you spending time with her friend from over seas that's OK as long as you really wanted to and didn't do it out of spite to make her mad as it was her Xmas party...
so go and have fun make sure you have a non drinking person with you that can drive you all home or have the money to take a cab home. stay safe and don't worry about what your ex best friend thinks but don't rub it in aether ... OK
cheers
Jo
2007-12-09 03:32:38 · answer #10 · answered by josie d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋