About 5 weeks ago my husband of 3 years (we've been together 9), told me he didn't love me and didn't want to be married any more. My best friend, or so I thought, was trying to comfort me and him. To make a long story short, my husband has decided to leave me for her. We have a 2 year old son together. He keeps telling me that he doesn't love me or want to be married any more, but then will say that he wants to try, but I have to make changes. I had asked them both to stop talking/texting each other and they both refused. He tells me that regardless the outcome, he is still going to be friends with her. He doesn't understand why I am not friends with her any more and thinks that I'm a bad person for that. I am so angry, sad, jealous, every emotion all at once! I kicked him out of our house and he is living w/his parents, but we are still married and he is having her over @ his parents house! Does anyone have any words of encouragement or advice. I have talked to an attorney.
2007-12-08 18:31:43 · 7 answers · asked by cwilcoxrn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try a divorce recovery program such as beginningexperience.org. You are not alone and it is normal to be depressed/angry/shocked. You are going through the grief process. A traumatic divorce is very similar to the death of a spouse, in fact, one woman I met at my divorce recovery class had experienced both and said her divorce grief was far worse. In the end you will come out stronger and happier than you were during the last part of your marriage. Hang in there. And don't change a thing for him. The way you describe his actions are very comman for a spouse having an affair and experiencing guilt over it. This does not mean anything, he is just trying to justify his bad acting, in his own mind. It's not your fault, and don't you believe it!
2007-12-08 19:00:01 · answer #1 · answered by fantagirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a somewhat similiar situation to mine, No best friend but only 2 months later and already a new gf. Its crazy. All that time invested in you, you were good enough to marry but not stay married to. He acts like you are not good enough and like he would be losing something so wonderful to drop the whore and come back. Although you should not take him back, you heart feels different.
You have every right to be angry with her. She betrayed you. That was never a real friend.
He is confused and lost and wants to play now. Well you have a son that you need to stay strong for ( as I do, he is 4 ) and try to take care of things the best way you know how. Stay strong for the baby. But do something now because you will hate to go back and forth and your little get to an age where he starts to understand things and asks questions. I am sure he is already old enough to wipe the tears from your eyes. It only gets harder with questions like, ' why does daddy not love you anymore?'. I wish i could have made some decisions myself in the past that would not hurt my son so much more now.
Good luck.
2007-12-08 20:33:37 · answer #2 · answered by MeMe52 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh God, this guy is horrible! He did a terrible thing and is acting like it's your fault and you should let him go on and eat his cake too.
How could your so-called best friend do that and not mend her wicked ways???
Wow, you must be balancing/burning up so major karma girl!
I would pray to the Higher Power/meditate/chant mantras/joining a group meditation because the world you live in, the type of people you're attracting SUCK!
You need to tell this man, whatever problems in the marriage, cheating on his wife who carried his child is 100% no wrong, no excuses! Tell him don't bother to turn this around on you and fight for his right to stay involved with the homewrecker!
If he can't understand this or be sensitive to right his wrongs, he's just too selfish, immature, and ignorant to fight for!
In time, he'll do the same to this girl. When the honeymoon is over and reality sets in, she'll get her own! Sometimes it takes longer but my neighbors hubby left with her best friend. It took over a decade but he ditched the homewrecker BAD!!! She came crying to my neighbor, who was the first wife.
People today just suck and have no morals!
2007-12-08 19:07:36 · answer #3 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can feel your pain. My ex fiance left and moved in with someone a week later that he just met. WOW I was over the edge. Now I am lonely, sad, hurt and ANGRY. Your husband cannot see why it should bother you that he said he would still be friends with her because he has no compassion or regard for your feelings. You can bet your sweet azz that if it were you that did the same thing, his guy friend would be six feet under. It adds salt to the wound I bet that his parents allow him to have her over and condone such an effed up situation. (clearly where he learned it from). The main thing I can tell you is that happiness will be yours eventually but for now you MUST handle this with dignity. Have no contact with him that is not absolutely necessary and do not beat yourself up about his bad behavior. This is not your fault as much as he will try to turn it on you. His values and morals are way out of whack! He may hook up with this girl but it will not last. She clearly has no morals either and that relationship is going to soooo crash and burn. Please email me or instant message me anytime of the day or night. I would be GLAD to sit and talk with you. We have shared the same sort of crappy life circumstances and I am sure I could offer help.
2007-12-08 18:44:00 · answer #4 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you file for divorce, you have a 2 year old son and you can't properly care for him when your emotions are up and down, he shouldn't even be talking to her, he's not worth the trouble or time, as soon as he gets done using her, he'll be right back in your face, get rid of him, he's trouble. You can do better. Promise. Keep your head up, mommy.
2007-12-08 18:56:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a support group for separated and divorced people and attend meetings regularly. Try local Churches for such groups.
Once there, listen to other people and their stories and share your story. In time, you will be around to help the next new person with their struggle and a miracle of healing will be your reward.
Good luck. I will pray for you.
2007-12-08 18:56:31 · answer #6 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom went through a similar yet VERY different situation
she only stayed with my dad for as long as she did because of me and my brother. thats the worst thing she couldve done. it made her unhappy and shes still trying to recover from it. dont make the same mistake.you deserve better and if he cant love you for who you are then hes not the one for you. the right man is out there waiting to be found and willing to take in your son as a part of you.
2007-12-08 19:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by Sabrina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋