Why doesn't my husband fart?

Question

I do it all the time in front of him, he swears that he just isn't that gassy. He says he very rarely farts. To this day, I've never heard so much as a peep from his behind. It has become a joke, to the point I've told him to call me on the cell phone if he ever gets the urge and I'm not around (gross, I know). I just can't figure out why he doesn't, fart that is??? I've talked with his sister's husband who said his wife (my husband's sister) never farted either. I theorized that perhaps their family processes food differently and therefore the whole family is practically fart-free. Have you ever heard of a person who only farts, like, once a week? Is that even possible?

Answer 1

Since your sister in law as well as your husband does not fart I suspect that the whole family belongs to a secret cult that forbids farting in any form whether it be uzz outs or spontanious burst. One non farting cult that I know of requires that new borns have a fart attenuater installed in their bowel system during the first ten days of their life. This remains with them for the duration of their life. The fart attenuater is installed in such a way that it can not be detected by non cult members so you will not be able to locate it in your husband. Generations ago in some parts of the world farting got completly out of hand and non farting cults sprang up to combat this farting epedemic. Chances are your husband`s family belongs to one of these non farting cults which would account for his inability to crack one now and then with you. I hope this enables you to better understand this very annoying problem your husband has so that it doesn`t affect your sex life. Don`t ever expect him to have the attenuater removed because cult members take an oath as soon as they become of age not to ever allow the attenuater to be removed. Don`t press him to do so because it would probably cause him to develope a complex and all kinds of emotional problems. I have never shared this knowledge with any one before but because your husband`s problem can be so devastating I thought it was only befitting that I share it with you. Don`t tell any one I told you about all this please.

Answer 2

My dad claims to be fart-free...and no one's ever heard him do it either. I'm glad to see that your husband has a sister because my dad does not! Otherwise I'd worry that my mother was on here :)

Anyway. Everyone farts. That's just how the body works. Some people are just better at hiding it. Holding it in till they have some privacy, say, in the bathroom. Or some people, for instance, are silent. Hence the term "silent but deadly". And then also, some people's "air" doesn't smell as bad as others. That's got a lot to do with diet.

Answer 3

It is a known fact that every human passes gas every day, mostly without us knowing it. Look it up on the internet. Ofcourse your husband probably has an extremely good digestive system, eats foods that does not cause gas and is just plain clever at passing 'silent' farts.

Answer 4

Yyyyyyeah! well first of all everyone has to discharge gas if not your husband probably wouldn't be alive today, have you ever considered that he just choose not to do it around you for a sense of respect or just he thinks it is gross indeed but we all have to pass gas our bodies require us to. If not their would be a lot of seriously ill people on this planet, and as far as fart free food! that's cute but not true. He just don't do it around you out of respect, I'm sure you have more better question[s] than this one right?!

Answer 5

He may have come from a very uptight family that considers it crude or vulgur (like THEY don't fart?). My ex-husband's family tried to teach our 2 year old that it wasn't funny to "pass gas" and referred to it as that, something to be embarrassed about. I taught him how to drop the "f-bomb" and sneak-pass. My feeling has always been, "Better out than in" while my son has taken it to the 10th degree (as in waking me up sweetly saying, "mommy, I've got something for you" I also regret teaching him about the "dutch oven" particularly at story time, ) we also all fart freely in our house, sometimes it's funny, sometimes it just happens, no big deal and no attention, it just happens and saves a tummy ache. I don't think I can recall my ex farting, ever, but that also is attributed to his upbringing. Chances are, he's either afraid of being laughed at or "in trouble" subconsientiously. My advice: You need to feed him a lot of beans and broccoli and sit down and make a game out of it. The first one who farts gets the "favor" of their request, no restrictions. He needs to know you aren't going to think less of him or make fun of him for farting (unless you're both in on the game).

Answer 6

My mom almost never farts, but she burps a lot. I'm the opposite. I don't burp unless I eat an orange or drink a soda. But my farting is legendary. I guess as long as it comes out in one way or another, it's all good.

Answer 7

Hmm it could be that they come from a really polite family and just don't feel comfortable doing it, but he doesn't want you to think you doing it is bad. So he just says he doesn't have to. But I bet you one thing, when you're not around, he's got a can full of Glade and he's going to town tooting out show tunes or something!! :)

Answer 8

He's probably just polite... it IS very possible to hold it. I let it go when I'm alone.

Hey! Why am I discussing farts in a public forum online??

Answer 9

maybe his family does the silent but deadly, without the deadly, or they put their underwear in their cracks (let me elaborate, putting some form of fabric over the "opening" will muffle and virtually eliminate all form of sound)..... whatever it is he's lucky, i fart like the world is going to die because of it, practicaly ever half hour (on a good day)

Answer 10

my friend said that you normaly fart 15 times a day. i only do it like 2 times a day. ask around his other family members if they do it. if all of them have passe away then just live with it. don't you like haveing a husban who doesn't fart???