what do i tell her?

Question

i dated a girl for four months. we were together every day. the first two weeks were amazing for both of us. but i got scared after two weeks when i found out her ex (one month away from divorce being official) was bad mouthing her infront of the kids. i completely did a 180 and ran away emotionally. we still hung out, but she was on an emotional island and ended up sleeping with another guy and me for two months. i found out when i called the guy. the moment i found out, i freaked out on her and started threatening her custody - that i would go to her ex and that she would lose all her custody. i never meant any of it. she told me she never wants to speak to me ever again. it's been 3 months. the other guy she ran to, they didn't work out. i'm sure b/c he was just using her for sex from what i've been told. i know she has feelings for me. but her ex found out about my threatening her custody, and is now involded. they're in the middle of a custody battle. how do i win her trust back?

harley gi... you're right. it's the worst thing i've ever said to anyone. i never meant it... it was said out of deep pain. i actually teach k-5 and love kids.

i'm pretty sure she knows i would never hurt her custody. it's been three months since. and when we were together, i was doing all her custody stuff for her. it's just that, i seriously broke her trust. and don't know how to win it back.

i know i was a jerk, but people grow and change. especially when they lose somebody they love.

Answer 1

This is a mess right now and no matter how you look at it it will not be ok. The fact that there are kids involve and a custody battle, should flag you that you need to step away for now. Too many emotions flying all over the place,,Relax,,step back,,all you have is time as an ally. If this is meant to be it will,,,but If I were you, I would take this time to stay away and work on my self,,,,

Answer 2

You've committed a VERY SERIOUS offense, and I'm not sure many women would EVER forgive you. You threatened the well being of her children, by threatening to cost her custody of her children. Even if she likes you, she will probably NEVER trust you again. To be honest, I don't think that she should. You've acted extremely childish throughout the entire relationship, and have shown no commitment to this relationship. I say this based on your statement that you "got scared" and emotionally abandoned her. What women coming through the turmoil of a divorce wants another spineless man back in her life? You emotionally abandoned her, so she sought physical comfort from the other guy...you'd already shown her your worth...or lack thereof. But to threaten her custody arrangement was a low blow, and is now causing her all sorts of untold hell. Maybe you've already done enough and the best that you can do is to leave her alone and let her work through the devastation you helped create.

Answer 3

Well coming from a divorced "single" mom, its like this, she CHEATED on you, do you or does anyone think that is a way to raise kids. SHe needs to grow up, she is a MOTHER, not a teenie bopper, if she is able to have 2 "signifigant others" at one time, whos taking care of the babies? I say move on, she has too many issues, and hey if she had TRUE feelings for you, she would not have "cheated" at all!!!!! If your gonna date a single mom, find one whose kids will not be confused as to who the "step" dad is. I mean if she is "loveing" you, and when your working, away, busy, she is loveing someone else, then does she really need custody of her kids anyway, in my opinion she is a SLUT!!!!!! and well kids don't need that when they are dealing with all this other crap anyway!!!

Answer 4

Let me give you some good advice. It may have been great in the beginning, as most relationships are. She cheated on you. What's gonna happen when she gets back on that emotional island, her ex will always be in her life, they have kids, it will always be something, and her she will use any excuse in the book to get over on you with her cheating. And it was just a poor excuse, Move on, she doesn't deserve you. Go on yahoo personals, or my space. Don't know how old you are, MOVE on. No amount of good sex is worth a crappy future. Keep looking for the love of your life.

Answer 5

I think because of her mothering instincts she will never beable to trust you .After being with her for four months I did not understand why you let her ex scare you enough to run away .I mean no wonder she was an emotional island even her friends would not defend her when she needed you the most. She was the one who had the right to run away

Answer 6

I think you need to just say sorry and let it go.. stay out of the situation.. if she ran to someone once it could happen again.. and with all she is going through at this time she is most likely emotionally a mess... just care for her at a distance and give things time to cool and her to heal.. she will need friends but as for any other kind of relationship it would most likely not last until she is over all the healing that will need to happen due to divorce and all that goes with it.. let her know you are there... and especially sorry for all the added pain you have caused...

Answer 7

It was wrong what you did, but I think you should just stay away for a bit. She is too busy right now with her kids situation and she has other things to worry about right now. You can still mention to her when you have a chance that you are sorry and that if she needs someone to talk to you will always be there for her and that you know what you did was wrong. But thats about it. Thats just my opinion

Answer 8

You probably don't. You got into a volatile situation and freaked out. The situation is obviously no less volatile now...not healthy for an interloper with a history of freaking out. You'll do everyone a favor if you stay away from it and grow from the experience. Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 9

Threatening to have her kids taken away?? Not cool.
Get out of her life. What has she ever done wrong to deserve you?

How did her ex find out about what you said anyway...?

You are a jerk...find some other girl to bother - this one needs to focus on her custody battle.

Answer 10

Don't mean to sound cruel, but you are a cut throat. If she takes you back what will you do next time you she makes you mad and you have a sissy attack. My guess is you'll think of something else to use against her.