I have been in a relationship for 2 years. We have a daughter & I am currently 8mths pregnant. When we met he had someone else pregnant and this woman put us through term oil; filing false retraining orders, stalking us and making threats. He has not had any contact with her or the child for the past 2 years & just a few months ago it started bothering him because the daughter he has with her was not apart of his life & that was only because of this womans physocatic ways. I recently went over our cell phone bill; & what do you know her # is on there begining Oct 18, 2007 the day I went to court against her for a new restraining order. I confronted him with it & he states he was afraid to tell me that he has had contact w/her because of my reactions. I am hurt because we agreed that the 1st step of dealing w/her would be a decision made together. He even went as far as having his restraining order against her dismissed & her vice versa w/out telling me. What do I do?
2007-12-08 14:53:07 · 30 answers · asked by blknricanma25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well...ask him what they were talking about during their phone convos.....if you really know him..you'll know when he's lying & telling the truth!
I would say stay & see what happens because you have 1 kid & another one on the way...& you'll probably need all the support you can get when it comes to raising 2 kids(money alone isn't enough for raising kids). You tell him "that if I EVER have any evidence that you made contact with your EX...then you'll lose me & possilbliy the kids..you have NO REASON to call your EX when you're with me."
Then ask him how it would make him feel if you called your own EX....
P.S: What's up with all the THUMBS DOWN? Who's rating these answers? People that probably don't even have answers themselves....*smh*
2007-12-08 15:03:32 · answer #1 · answered by Jay B 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋
He has now decided to step up to the plate and be in his daughters life. This should be commended, because I'm sure you would want the same if the two of you were to split - that he be in the life of your two kids. He can not initiate any sort of relationship with this little girl if he has restraining orders against the mother. I don't think it was right that he didn't tell you but I don't think he was doing it for any other hidden agenda (such as "being" with the ex). Tell him it isn't fair for him to have not told you - he has taken away your opportunity to respond instead of trust that you will (eventually) understand that he wants his daughter in his life - no matter how much you don't want the ex, she comes along with it. Perhaps he just has so much crap to deal with he didn't want to add to it having to deal with your reaction as well. If you do love him and know he didn't tell you for any other reason than being presumptuous about your reaction, it's not worth walking away over, especially if everything else in the relationship is sitting pretty and you have 2 kids.
2007-12-08 17:06:15 · answer #2 · answered by pammypob 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop thinking about the other woman. If he was interested in her, he would be with her. Right now the main point is the child.
You must protect this child. Not just because it is the right thing to do, but because it is a child who needs help.
As hard as it may be, you should welcome this child into your home, welcome her as a part of him, something you can bring a good and wonderful feeling of comfort, peace and acceptance to. If her mom is a crazy person, the more stability, the more kindness, the more acceptance you can give her will help tremendously.
It will be hard. No doubt about it. But if you love him, look only to the good parts. She needs you more than you need her. Now is the time to show what kind of person you really are.
Yes, you can reject her. But look for the future. Look at this innocent person, this child. How would you want someone to treat your child if it was yours? Be nice to the mom, but remember, it will say more about you, about the kind of person you are, about the morals and ethics you have, in the way you treat this child. She didn't ask for the life she has, she has to live it. Be the person you know you can be. You can make that difference in that child's life.
2007-12-08 15:38:45 · answer #3 · answered by Wendy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would first find out the reason why there is contact, there is another innocent child involved who also deserves 2 parents together or not. Also, can you handle a step child. Some people cant. If you 2 really want a healthy relationship you should consider couples counseling too because a couple should be able to tell each other anything, otherwise the trust disintegrates. You have a challenge in front of you but most of all their are innocent children involved and if its going to be alot of fighting because of all this then you have to consider do you want your children seeing the ones they love most yelling at each other all the time? good luck
2007-12-08 15:12:08 · answer #4 · answered by sweetnee 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You now realize how many mistakes you made. It should bother him about his daughter. It is not her fault how her father is. He did not tell you what he did for 2 reasons. !. He knew he would have hell to pay for it, 2. He has a lot of guilt. You play a part in this also. You knew his past yet you stepped into this without being married. Here you are with a second child on the way. Now you want to walk? He will now have 3 children that do not have a intact family. I feel sorry for the kids. They are helpless in this. I do not feel sorry for you..Time for you to re-evaluate everything.
2007-12-08 15:08:04 · answer #5 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
mmmm.......ok, he wants to see his child and is willing to put up with the trauma to do it. So let him handle the whole situation (his ex, his mess!) while you go get your hair and/or nails done.
Since she was pregnant when you met, she probably sees you as her homewrecker - that usually makes a woman psycho. Tell him to keep her away from you.
Honestly, you may want to just give him back to her because you will be in for years of hell with him having to deal with her and their child. Just think of it: discipline problems, money problems, school meetings, music lessons, recitals, graduations, weddings, family funerals, etc. It's endless. And you say she's psycho on top of that?
Options:
1 stay with it
2 kick him out and get the house, spousal & child support
3 leave him with the kids (tempting isn't it? but, as a mother, I couldn't do it)
I never recommend a woman marry a divorced man with children for this very reason. However, now you have two children who need their Dad.
Wishing you joy...
2007-12-08 16:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have been in relationship for two years and have a daughter and are now pregnant again when you met him he had another lady pregnant and you got with him. okay to make a long story short you and him along with her became enemies right and they both had order of protection against one another right. you claim this woman is physocatic perhaps he is the reason why she is this way, now he has been call ling her you found out when you went to court against her, he dropped his restraining order against her and she did the same. You put your self in to this situation with him and you have to protect you and your children. Do what ever you think is right for you and your children. This is your choice not mines.
2007-12-08 15:14:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, he's living a lie, I would guess. The woman was probably being told stories by him and he was telling you something else and making you think she was just crazy or something.
I know it sounds weird but it happens all the time
and ask yourself this why would he dismiss the
restraining order against her?
2007-12-08 15:17:05 · answer #8 · answered by frustrated 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you met him he had someone else pregnant?!?!? What did you think was going to happen with a man like this!!?!? What should you do now? Cut your losses and RUN!!! Here are the facts of life you obviously have not learned yet:
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage ruins relationships(moving in is the same)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth if not just
keep believing the lies you hear from
everyone around you.
2007-12-08 15:06:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Well, like it or not, this man has a child with another woman. I'm guessing he wants to do right by the child and make it a part of his life. It's up to you if you can live with this or not. However, if you do agree to stay, you will need some honesty and communication between the both of you so everyone understands what the 'rules of engagement' are. Unless everything is out on the table, you will just end up getting hurt over and over. Seek some counselling and I'm sure you can get through this.
2007-12-08 14:58:05 · answer #10 · answered by Billy Shat 7 · 3⤊ 4⤋
You are 8 months pregnant - and very emotional.
This is not a time for you to do anything except get you and your daughter ready for the baby.
Focus on that.
Then, later...you need to decide what to do.
The other child really should be able to know her father.
So I do think you all need to work out a visitation sharing and child support payment for the other daughter - even though the mother is a whack.
Good luck with all that.
You are in a bad situation - but you kind of put yourself in it by dating a guy who had a pregnant girlfriend sp you really can;t blame 100% of this mess on him.
Try to be friends and put the kids first.
2007-12-08 15:00:03 · answer #11 · answered by Stan W 5 · 4⤊ 3⤋