The kid doesnt listen to me and I have to watch him every afternoon when I got hom because my houseband has two jobs, and he cryes ALL day until he goes 2 bed... I dnt like him and I know he dnt like either. So I can imagine the rest of my life with my husband but but cnt imagine one more month with the kid. And he will be with him cause he got full custody...
2007-12-08 14:48:50 · 38 answers · asked by sophieCR 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So you love your husband . So you want to try and love his child after all thats part of your husband. Your both trying to get to know the other. The little child is very young and probably misses his daddy working 2 jobs and thats why he's always crying he misses his father and the only person he probably known for a while. ( not sure where the ex wife is in all this.) Why don't you try playing with him more. Teaching him games that are educational at the same time. Let him know you are reliable and you are always there for him. he'll come to know you better and warm up to you. by the same token when he acts up . show him that you are not pleased he gets a time out or a toy taken away. Till he behaves.
Give him time , and when you do have to watch him as you say that doesn't mean putting him in a place to play alone and your on the phone or watching a soap show. Get involved with him get on the floor and start playing with him show him things keep his mind occupied. You are hopefully going to make this marriage work with your new husband. and this little boy is going to be a happy part of your new life.
Its up to you. I would look at this as a good opportunity to show that little boy love and show him you care. after all he will keep growing up in your house. You do care about what will happen to him right and how he will turn out.
You can do this. Your just frustrated right now. Start fresh and start over.. good luck.
2007-12-08 17:48:17 · answer #1 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you should have thought about that before you got married. They are a pair and you cannot separate the two. You have to give the kid some time to get used to you and used to the idea of having a new mommy. It isn't easy for him either. This will take a few months at least. Just be patient. Read up on some parenting books/magazines. This can give you some insight into children and how to respond and react. It will be hard on both of you, but you are the adult in the situation and you need to grow up. Saying you don't like a child and you cant spend any more time with him because he crys, that isn't cool. You need to be more nurturing and supportive of the child. He is obivously scared and doesn't know fully what is going on. Give him some more time to adjust to everything.
I wish you all the best of luck!
2007-12-08 14:58:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It's a tough to hear that an adult does not like a 3 year old child. The 3 year old child is so young - a baby .. and is probably scared. I would guess that the 3 year old senses that you do not like him .. and he is reacting.
If you do not like this child - then you absolutely should not be keeping him. This is not good for the child.
Think about it .. can you imagine being a little 3 year old child .. and having to stay with someone who does not like you .. and does not want to keep you? You would know .. and it 's a pretty scarey thought.
It would be in the best interest of the child .. and yourself .. if you do not keep the child while your husband is at work. Your husband needs to be aware of your dislike feelings of his child. Put the child in a day-care .. it would be better for the child.
The child could be scared of you .. and that could be why he is crying. He probably senses your dislike for him .. and that is the only defense he has.
2007-12-08 15:10:28 · answer #3 · answered by Tara 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You choose to marry your husband. If you want to stay in the marriage you HAVE to accept and love his son. That is just the way it is. Good thing he is only 3 and can be trained. Ask yourself, how would I handle my own son? And that's exactly how you will treat him. Give him all your love and disciple. He is the kid and has to respect you as the adult and his caretaker. If he sees you care for him and love him he will love you back. Trust me. I got my step son when he was 3. He was something when I got him. Because both parents feel sorry for him, he had no disciple and structure. Well, I did something about that. I took care of him, but I also taught him self-disciple. He is turning 5 now and we have a very close relationship. He wants to be with me all the time. And I love him like my own. Girl if you can't accept his son, you won't be able to keep your husband.
2007-12-08 14:58:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You should have thought about that before you got married and ruined your relationship. You don't the facts of life and if you ever get divorced don't ever get married again:
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage ruins relationships(moving in is the same)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth if not just
keep believing the lies you hear from
everyone around you.
2007-12-08 15:13:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First off I feel sorry for the poor child.he is crying cause he doesn't feel loved.He doesn't have his mommy and probably doesn't get any hugs.Do anyone play with him and make him laugh.Try some love and see how many smiles you can bring out of him.After the first smile you get you might just have one yourself.He needs attention not someone who looks at him with disgust.This poor child will have a hard life is someone doesn't show him they care.If you can't do that then you need to end the marriage as you have no right to make this chid feel unwanted.as he is a part of your husband.
2007-12-08 15:09:33 · answer #6 · answered by mamaw2305 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He probably cries BECAUSE he knows you hate him.
You must have known about the child before you married--what the hell is WRONG with you???
You need to give him love and discipline--that means no screaming at him or hitting him in anger. From what you said, you sound very immature, and I'm guessing you DO hit the boy.
Try being NICE to him--his attitude AND yours will change, and life will get easier. Kids are smarter than you think....and they can sense your feelings...so stop RESENTING him, and try to enjoy the great things that happen when a 3 yr old is around!
2007-12-08 14:57:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
I have two feelings about what you wrote. The first feeling is one of anger and that is how I initially responded -- with anger. I actually got myself out of bed because I really began to think about the courage it took to write what you did so my second response is one of sympathy. So if you dare, read both, but please know that you have a serious situation that needs to be dealt with immediately and I hope you find help in all these answers not just mine. I will be praying for you and the child and his father.
SYMPATHETIC RESPONSE
Wow. It must be a very difficult situation for you and I think it took a lot of courage to write what you did and to read the responses. Obviously you know that this is not working out how you had hoped and maybe in your gut suspected that having a child in your life right now was not for you.
Whatever your reasons for marrying do not use or abuse the child because of a wrong decision. This can be undone and I do not believe that anyone would hold that against you if they had any sense. A child is a gift from God and is such a precious treasure that we have an obligation to love them no matter what.
If you lack support perhaps you can look for a community clinic or a hospital that offers public health nurses who can help you to understand the child and deal with him better. Does the father or you have any family that you can turn to for added support? Is there subsidized daycare where they will take your child for a lesser fee -- maybe you can negotiate and offer to help in the daycare in exchange for time?
Do not leave the child with just anybody as he is already going through enough changes in his life. They should be qualified professionals or people who are parents and who you know love children.
If you are young and feel that you cannot cope with this committment be honest with yourself and sit your husband down within the next 48 hours and tell him exactly how you feel (that you love him but are not ready to be a parent) If he cares he will 1 look for ways to bring you and his son together or 2 recognize that this union was done in haste (perhaps he needed someone to look after his child when you came along and it was convenient) and do what he has to to annul the marriage.
A three year old is at a stage where he needs to be attached to a positive figure. For whatever reason his mother is not in his life and if the father is working two jobs I imagine he is not in the kids life that much either. YOU ARE IT and you need to find a way to love the child as much as you love his dad.
If you want to stay and try harder Do the following STARTING TODAY (and keep doing it for the next however many weeks you and your husband agree to work on being a family -- they say it takes at least 21 days for something to start becoming a habit)
When he cries make sure he is FED, CLEAN, RESTED, HEALTHY
Just hold him and hug him
Play with him, take him to the park or a McDonalds with a play place, talk to other mothers who have healthy bonds with their children and ask for tips
Call him by his name and say positive things to him like "you are a gift, you are beautiful, I love you"
Sing to him, Read to him
Take a brief time out when you feel overwhelmed -- have a plan in place to call a friend, family member or your husband. As long as the child is not in danger of harm, put him in his playpen in another room and close the door and do something quiet for 15 minutes *don't blast music or the tv or leave him alone for long periods.
In the end you and youor husband have to do what is in the best interest of this child. I am praying for you.
PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING!
ANGRY RESPONSE
Do you hear how you sound? What the hell were you thinking when you decided to marry this man -- that you were going to send the child back to the store for a refund? You are unbelievably ignorant and I think you need to get real honest with yourself as to why you got married than sit this guy down and tell him exactly how you feel so he can make a decision about whether he should stay married to you (hopefully he will not) This child cries because he knows he is with someone who hates him and that is what children do when they cannot speak for themselves!
Wake Up!! You have the potential to do terrible harm to this child and this man who has entrusted you to care for his son. Do something right and tell this guy you are not up to being a mother or an adult (because adults have these conversations before they make this kind of committment!) This child did not ask for you to be his mother so you should not take out your hatred on him and to stay just for the sake of a meal ticket is incredibly selfish of you!
And when you end this relationship you need to seek some counselling and figure out why you put yourself in this situation. I am not usually so harsh and judgemental but when there is a helpless dependent child involved it pisses me right off!! I have children of my own and I deal with other peoples children as if they were my own and I would want anyone to love my children the way I do!
2007-12-08 15:32:06 · answer #8 · answered by Soccermom 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How can you not like a 3 year old?? If your husband had a teenager that was openly defiant toward you, it would be a little different. But still...people with kids are a package deal...you gotta take the sour with the sweet, I'm afraid.
2007-12-08 15:12:04 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. GTO 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sign the child up for daycare. Head Start doesn't charge and at 3 he can go to 'school' for 2-3 hours in the afternoon.
Actually, you should have discussed this with your husband before you got married. The little one probably knows you don't like him. Him 'not liking' you is not true. He cries because he needs affection. Go to the public health department and sign up for parenting classes. Like it or not, the little guy is your responsibility, you are a married woman now, step up.
2007-12-08 14:58:04 · answer #10 · answered by woodennickel2007 2 · 5⤊ 2⤋