What can I do to get on with my life and forget what happened eight years ago?

Question

Ok here is the story. I just found out my husband of five years cheated on me eight years ago while we were dating. He was 18 at the time, said it lasted only a month and he told her he had to stop cause he was in love with someone else (me). I know the girl and knows that she hated him and now I know why. It was a year and a half after we has started dating. I know it was eight years ago but I still feel so betrayed. He is a good father and husband and we are very happy and have a three year old and have been trying to have another child. I have already forgiven him but I dont know how to forget. I can't seem to get it out of my mind. What can I do?

Answer 1

Understand at 18 the teenage brain hasn't finished growing and functions around "risk" just isn't fully developed. For example, you are 26 and still not looking at the big long-term picture. Let me help you. If he is a good and faithful husband (post vows) and great father then what is more important after 10, 20 or even 50 years. You can get over it and be a mature person and not an old teenager.

Answer 2

If you just found out that your husband cheated on you... 8 years ago, it's normal to feel so hurt. He was doing something bad, but he could stop, and choose you over that other person. It'll take a while for you to heal, but think that was a long time ago, and he chose you, and he's now a good father, husband, and he's committed to you. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he'd feel if you had cheated on him 8 years ago, and he had found out.
Please, don't let an event so far away in the past hurt your marriage. He married you, lady, and you're the mother of his child, he must have loved you so much to marry you. He made a big mistake, but he must have learned from it. That's what matters now. Don't give old ghosts power to take away happiness from your life in this present time.
Good luck !

Answer 3

I think a lot of the people on here are being harsh to you. It would be a different story if the roles were reversed and it was happening to them. I can definitely understand what you're going through. Maybe talking to him in a deep conversation might help or counseling. You both should really have a heart to heart! I would almost feel as if he lied to me once and it took 8 years for him to come clean was he doing it because it was attacking his conscience (spelling) or because he thought you'd have to forgive him if it was so long ago. Overall, if I were you, I would definitely forgive and forget and move on because he isn't seeing her anymore, hopefully, and you both have a family now! Good luck and let us know how it works out.

Answer 4

You cannot erase it from your memory .. but you can stop yourself from thinking about it.

This is a technique which a pyschologist told to use. When you start thinking of this .. imagine a huge STOP SIGN at the end of your nose .. and then make yourself think of something self .. kinda like changing channels.

Also - when you start to think about this ... make yourself get up and go do something else .. get active. Don't allow yourself to entertain the thoughts of this.

You can control your thinking. It may not be easy because you have got into the habit of dwellng on this ... but you can stop it.

Never dwell on it. Be determined to put it out of your life.

18 is pretty young .. and we all make mistakes ... it sounds like your husband may have learned a valuable lesson, early in life .. and he loves you now.

You can't unring a bell ... meaning that you cannot change the past .. so don't dwell on the past .. just go forward in the future with happiness .. you have your husband & he loves you.

Count your blessings .. consider your glass as 1/2 full instead of 1/2 empty .. and control your thoughts .. just don't allow those thoughts to linger in your mind.

Answer 5

It will probably never leave your mind and that's the hard part, you would have been better off not
knowing ever, especially now. Did he tell you? If he did why now? You say you have a good marriage and you are happy now and I think that you should try your best to put it in the past, but it
will now cause you both some issues with trust,
I hope you can work through this because it's been so long ago and you have a child now to think about. I really hope things work out and good
luck !!!

Answer 6

You should try to grow up and learn the facts of life:

1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage ruins relationships(moving in is the same)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth if not just
keep believing the lies you hear from
everyone around you.

Answer 7

Who has the ring on their finger? Are you that jealous that you are letting someing 8 years ago bother you? Grow up before you destroy your life! The more you think about this the more you can not close the book. FORGET the past, that boat sailed. You need to work on yourself today and plan your future together. Dwelling on the past, deary, you'll not have a future with this wonderful guy.

Answer 8

Why would you even worry about something that happen about eight years ago it didnt work out for him and he is still married to you so what . get over it. First of all you have to forgive him from your heart in order to set your self free.

best of luck

Answer 9

Stop holding onto the crap and let it go. My gosh, you just need something to hold onto don't you? LET IT GO.

It was 8 years ago, before you were married, and he was still very young. Get over it and be thankful for now... the past is the past. He regrets it and quite honestly, he never should have told you in the first place...

Answer 10

for the sake of your marriage, get over it fast. Live in the present. If you are happy now, that is all that matters. You might ruin your happiness and his, if you dwell on it.