Is it morally ok to have an abortion in my baby does not have a brain?

Question

I am 19 weeks 5 days pregnant, and I just found out Wednesday that my baby has a birth defect called anencephaly. This means that the baby did not form a brain. It just has the brain stem. They offered me the options of abortion or to go ahead and carry the baby. The thing is, if the baby is born, it does not have a chance to survive. It does not have a brain, and so it will just slowly die. They told me these babies rarely live longer than a few minutes, a couple of days at the most. In most instances, I do not agree with abortion. I just don't know if I can mentally handle giving birth to my baby and watching it die. It also cannot feel pain, and will never experience having emotion, feeling, or a personality of any kind. It is technically born unconciousI can't picture watching that baby take it's last breath and handing it over. I know it is the hardest decision I will ever make. I don't know what to do! Please don't leave any rude comments. This is hard enough.

Answer 1

I'm terribly sorry about that. Unfortunately it would probably be better to go ahead and abort. I see no reason as to why you should have to watch your baby die after 40 wks in the womb. Good luck, and I wish you the best.

Answer 2

i have heard of this diagnosis being given, and then when the baby was born, it turned out to have a brain after all....
are they sure?
if there is any possibility that the doctor is wrong, don't abort.
on the other hand, if they are 100% sure that this is the case and your baby really has no chance, then there is no point to you carrying it to term, just to watch it die right away.
what a heartbreaking situation. this is one of the only instances in which i would be in favor of an abortion. though i do agree with some others here who have mentioned induction of labor instead of abortion. it's almost the same thing, but.....
i am so sorry. they say everythign happens for a reason, and it must be hard to see the reason for this now. i will pray for you and hope you can move through this difficult, horrible time and go on to have a healthy baby when you are ready to try again.
best wishes.

Answer 3

Wow, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I too am against abortion, but this is so hard to answer. I guess if it were me, and not that this is a good thing, but I think I would want to hold out hope that they were wrong in the diagnosis. I had a friend who is pregnant with twins. They told her that one of her babyies had a dwarf syndrom and a bell shaped heart with a hole in it. They said they waned to self select to take one of the babies out as it could die and cause an infection and harm the healthy twin. Well, they went to go get the baby, but couldnt safely do it because of the position where one baby was on top of the other and it was too much risk. Now, just a few months later,. the heart is normally formed and it turns out it was a fractured arm and not dwarf syndrome. She has yet to deliver, but it is looking like she will deliver two healthy baby girls. All that to say that sometimes, they can be wrong. At the same time, it seems that our paster thought that it wasnt the same as abortion to have to take one of the babies out if it was going to die inside of her and possibly harm the healthy baby. So, perhaps their are exceptions?

I have heard of that horrible disease they are saying your baby has and if there is some way they can be 100 percent on this diagnosis, then perhaps having them induce labor early would be the way to go. Maybe I would want to wait until it was possible for a baby to live outside the womb in case they were wrong and then have them induce labor. I know it sounds hard, but I have heard on some other sites that at least having those few minutes with your baby provides some moments of closeness and closure. It is a gift to carry that child and perhaps you want every minute with them as possible? At the same time, it would be very hard to walk around with everyone knowing you are due and asking if it is a boy or girl without feeling upset etc. and wounded. You have a very difficult situation and I reall pray the Lord's blessings and grace upon you during this time. I am so sorry you are going thorugh this.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for you. Obviously, it will have to be a choice that you can live with. One thing to keep in mind is that your far enough along that that the doctors will most likely induce your labor. Which means, you will have a "normal" delivery. So, you can still see your baby when it's born whether it's 19 weeks or 40. Also, if it is to difficult for you, you can request not to see her/him.
I wouldn't even think about what is morally right. I would concentrate on what is going to make you feel better in the long run. Personally, I couldn't carry a baby to term knowing that she wasn't going to survive. But others would want those few precious moments of pregnancy to hold on to.
Honey, it's all your decision. And no one is going to look down on you for making the decision for an abortion now, it's that what you decide to do. How you celebrate his or hers life is more important than how it ended.
My prayers are with you and your family.

Answer 5

This may sound really strange, but I know of a couple that had a baby with this condition. They chose to have the child, and if passed away within a few hours. Although I couldn't imagine the pain that you have inside of you right now, I would imagine it is a great amount. Personally I think that if any of my babies would have had this condition, that I would also carry to term and give birth, and although I would know that the fate of this child would be inevitable, I like to believe that God would want me to let him or her live until he takes him or her to be with him in heaven. You will then have a chance to say goodbye and give your love for as long as you can. If you were to abort, you may not be given a chance to be able to grieve, and it is unhealthy not to be able to grieve a loss. You may also find yourself wondering all of the time about the "What If's"! Hang in there and truly search your heart for the right answer. Sometimes the right thing to do is not always the easiest thing to do!!

Answer 6

I too had to make this decision at 20 weeks in my 4th pregnancy. My son didn't have the same condition, but his condition was also incompatible with life. His heart would not even survive the delivery itself (if he even made it that far).

I am SO so sorry that you have to go through this. I can tell you from personal experience, that if you choose to terminate, it will haunt you forever. And I don't mean this in a mean way. There's not a single day that goes by that I don't wonder........What if.........what if the Dr's were wrong, etc. And I wish SO so much that I could have held my baby boy, kissed him and told him good bye and how much I love him. I deeply regret that.

On the other hand, I don't know how I would have handled holding my son, not living. That too I am sure would still be with me today, but at least I could have told him good bye. My son became an angel on 2/6/03.

IF I had it to do all over again, I would have delivered him. But no matter what you decide you are Not in the wrong. Whatever decision you make, Find a support group, Don't go through this alone. You will need to be around people with love and support.

Thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope that you and your angel find peace.

Answer 7

You shouldn't really listen to anyone on here about anything seriously. I think you should go and have a second opinion and ultrasound to be sure the baby has anencephaly. Than you should sit down with your loved ones and let your heart and brain tell you what to do. Consider the pros and cons of the situation.

If you carry the baby to term you already know what will happen. If you have an abortion you know the process and won't have to go thru watching your child die or deal with the process of naming, burying and grieve and letting go. Well even with an abortion you will have to go thru the same process I think every woman has that process of grieving especially carrying for 20 weeks.

You should sit with your loved ones and your doctor and consider ALL the options for yourself. And think what you would feel and not feel. You have to think what is best for YOU and you only. Will you be able to deal with delivery or abortion. What would be easier physically and emotionally on you.

Answer 8

There are also concerns for your health to concider. Abortion can be dangerous for the mother as well. The question of morality is not relavent here because all us answers have different morals. I agree with what you have said and am personally against abortion. That said, I think I would choose to have the baby regardless and let God handle the rest.

I wouldn't have an abortion because I would feel like I personally killed the baby. It would have been my choice to let the baby live or die, I don't agree with choosing someone else's fate. There are emotional issues you haven't mentioned that all women who chose to abort deal with. They are just as, if not more, serious and painful than the pain you are describing of watching the baby take its last breath.

There is perhaps a slight, very slight, chance that the doctors are wrong. If I had an abortion, I would never give my baby the chance at life.

You never mentioned the father's take on it. What does he say? Does he know? You should also consider what he wants.

It seems that you have two choices: have an abortion or give birth. Both of which you are convinced lead to the death of the baby. I'm not sure of the expenses of having the baby, nor am I certain of the costs of abortion (in terms of dollars). Let's say they're the same. The emotional pain of either choice would be similar in either case (assuming that giving birth also lead's to the baby's death). Society is now accepting of abortion, and in this case, even those very against it shouldn't give you a real hard time.

In conclusion, the choices are 'equal'. If you are concerned about morals, though, then you should consider giving birth, there would be no question of morality there.

Answer 9

First off, I must say that I am so sorry to hear your baby is anecephalic. This is terrible news to hear at what should be an exciting time if your life. My heart hurts for you.

What you have to consider is that you are going to deliver this baby, either now or in a few months. And either way, it will be difficult and heart-wrenching. You will go through many of the same emotions. At 20 weeks, your baby looks like a baby, and in many states is considered a person versus tissue. This means you are responsible for burial and all, which actually might help with closure.

What does your physician suggest/offer? The optimist in me would carry it to term, hoping and praying the sono was wrong, but the realist (and nurse) in me would probably deliver as soon as possible.

No one can tell you what to do, but whatever you decide, I wish you peace as you go though a sorrowful time in your life.

Answer 10

First off, I am so very sorry that you're going through this. I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to be faced with the situation.

I am about 99% pro-life, but it's situations like these where I would probably abort. I have a condition that makes me more suseptiable to eptopic pregnancy, and if that were to happen, I would have no choice but to abort (else I would die along with the baby). You know never know what can happen.

If the doctor is 110% certain that your baby has no brain there isn't much point to carrying to term for it to die. At the same time, if this baby has any chance at all, however slim, you should carry to term and hope for a miracle.

I am really sorry I can't tell you exactly what to do, but please know that you're in my prayers. And if anyone says anything negative to you, try to just ignore it because people are ignorant and many of them, not understanding.

Answer 11

I hate to say this, but I would so to go ahead and get the abortion... I'm not for or against pro-life but I do have some beliefs on when abortion should be okay and when it shouldn't for instance I don't think it's okay to use abortion as a form of birth control, but thats not what you would be doing, like you said, either way you go it is going to be emotionally hard on you, and you have to think about what is going to be best for yourself, even though the baby can't feel if you had him/her watching the baby suffer will be hard on you and you may always feel "what if I had done this or tried this" ... make sure that there is no possible way the baby could survive, and than ask yourself what would be easier on you to do, I know that sounds kind of selfish to think about what would best for you, but (and i'm not saying this to be rude at all) if the baby has no chance than it's only you to think about at this time i am so sorry to hear you are going through this, i know it must be hell on you emotionally