Okay. So. A few weeks ago, I found out my husband of 4 years has what is know as a "cuckhold festish", where he enjoys seeing me with other men (he told me). I want to know what gives men this strange fetish and what they get out of it. Before anyone answers, please note that a) my husband isn't gay, b) I absolutely WON'T have sexual contact with any other men, c) I won't leave him no matter what, and d) I know he loves me. Any opinion is appreciated! Thanks!
2007-12-08 14:22:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think this sort of thing might a) be a porno-type fetish... if he were looking at porn, wouldn't you like to be the lady in the porn? and b) make him feel the rush of watching you be sexual in combination with the adrenalin rush of jealousy. It isn't particularly normal... in fact I would say most men would rather punch the guy than get his rocks off to it, but different people have different fantasies, and you should be happy that he shared it with you. I would hazard a guess that most people don't share their most-private-of-private sexual fantasies with anyone at all.
Tell him that he can imagine it, he can fantasize about it, but you're not going to do it. And be okay with that.
2007-12-08 14:31:46 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all. I do think you should question him a little more about this. I do not believe that it has anything to do with seeing you with other men, I
think there's more to the story. If you are perfectly fine with his "fetish" and you don't think he's gay and you know he loves you, still I must ask, if he has this fetish but you've never done this before as someone said in their answer then how does he know? Did you maybe wonder if maybe he's seen another woman with other men?
I don't mean on the internet or porn, I don't understand how you are so sure of him, I wouldn't be.
2007-12-08 22:35:30 · answer #2 · answered by frustrated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds a bit submissive and he may enjoy the thought or the very act of being degraded and possibly humiliated by you and another man or men (real or in a fantasy situation you create for him) having their way with you. It is a power game he is playing in his mind...Is he a powerful man or a man that directs people or some other job that requires him to be in control? Some men in these positions want to give away this power under controlled conditions such as this scenario you have described...it is nothing but fun for him nothing more...have fun with it....
2007-12-08 22:34:24 · answer #3 · answered by DWInSTL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How does he know he enjoys seeing you with other men if he has not seen you with other men? Maybe he has been watching porn movies online and imagines it might be nice to see live porn for a change. Just a thought, but see if you can find out if he actually has been watching porn; perhaps this is what is giving him the idea.
Or maybe he wants a threesome and figures getting you with some other guy is a good way to set it up.
2007-12-08 22:27:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you won't do it his mistress will. Good luck and here are the facts of life before you decide anything else:
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage ruins relationships(moving in is the same)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth if not just
keep believing the lies you hear from
everyone around you.
2007-12-08 23:21:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This could be the counselor and I have had clients in my office with a similar issue. It usually comes out to be low self esteem. For some reason, they are so convinced that they don't deserve their wife, it is as if they need to see her with someone else to prove to themselves. Seeing or even thinking about their wife with someone else "proves" to them that they aren't worth that much to her. Most of the time, the clients that I saw with this problem, would get over this once they got a higher self-esteem.
2007-12-08 22:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by snowflake14 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, so he has "something of the week".
Right, you don't have to act on it.
He doesn't have to push you about acting on it.
The best thing would be 4 you two to work out a satisfying sexual relationship together.
Perhaps you need to discuss what permissible things you'd like to do.
Be firm in saying " " is off the table.
Sometimes folks just don't get what they want.
: )
2007-12-08 22:28:09 · answer #7 · answered by ceviche queen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
was he abused in some way as a child? Seems like he likes to be humiliated. Tell him to use it as a fantasy, like when he's doing you, to imagine that he's another man enjoying you while the hubby watches (role-playing).
Often when you bring another man in, big problems down the road.
2007-12-08 23:17:47 · answer #8 · answered by Lil Blousou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I think the issue is; does he want to act on this? I know my B/f went through the same thing, But as time went by, it passed. As long as you keep it a fantasy I think you'll be ok. Your hubby is just so impressed with your skills, he wants to share you. The way I handled it. Now when I say something close to that. He tells me, HE wants me for himself, and does not want to "share"
(smile)
2007-12-08 22:32:31 · answer #9 · answered by lynnn30 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In alternate lifestyles,this is a common desire.At least he can and did talk to you about it. I have helped several couples with the same desires but could not talk to each other about it.Its not what causes it ,its very real to him,its what y'all decide to do with it,and how you decide.In the alternate lifestyle,there are predators waiting ,and real people too,so go slowly,find someone you can both talk to and see where you want it to go.....George
2007-12-08 22:29:36 · answer #10 · answered by tgeorge12000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋