I cant forgive myself?

Question

Ive been trying to figure out why ive been pushing people away when they tend to get close. to me. I realized that this is happening since the end of grade 8. what happen was that, alot of stuff happened to me, like my best friend dated a girl I really liked, which broke me in half and I was also serverlly bullied. i kept all my emtions inside until the week after I found out they were dating, I broke down and threw a broke a classmate cheekbone with a baseball. I apoligzed and he moved on. ever since, I have pushed everyone away cause I fear i or they will hurt me. I have been very crucial of myself since, I cant forgive myself easily. i have let potential relationships past, I avoid things that make me happy. I subconsciously avoid things that make me happy. what can I do to make myself happy

I dont do drugs or alchol or smoke. im 16. ever since the end of grade 8, ive completly changed. I used to be a asshole, now, im a very nice person who cares about others and i now go on a annual humantarian trip down to mexico

also today, I was really hard on myself today cause I should have won my soccer team todays game instead we ahd a draw. when I was thinking about that game when i was peeling potatoes. I subconsciously cut myself. I bleed but im ok.

Answer 1

Not to be all forcing my beliefs on you or anything, but I honestly think you would benefit from having God in your life. He helps you accept yourself and become more free, because he becomes the one being who will love you no matter what and show you your worth. So, I'm just saying, if you have ever had any interest whatsoever in pursuing spirituality, now would be a good time to dive in and search for that until you find the truth. If you already have God, know that he loves you and that when you need strength, just talk to him and tell him your problems. You won't be able to let people love you until you love yourself, and I believe that you will never be able to love yourself until you know what you were born for and how important you are. You are 16. You have just begun messing up. You are going to make mistakes so bad and get hurt so big that it will make this seem like a bee sting. Just a heads up, you're probably going to want some help from the Big Guy sooner or later, might as well get the backup early.

That aside (because I'm aware some people aren't ready for that), here's some regular advice. You need to understand that everybody messes up and throws a foul baseball from time-to-time. I could tell you so many stories of stupid things I've done that would make you cringe. I get annoyed by people who say "I don't have any regrets". Well whoopdie frickin do. Because there is not a day that goes by where I don't wish I hadn't done something back in the day. It's how you deal with the screw-ups after the fact that defines your character. Will you let them cripple you or strengthen you? Will you own up to it or lie?
Think of two or three people who have hurt you less than others, that you like and know mean well, and reach out to them. They WILL let you down at some point, but it is good for you to go out on a limb like that. When you have these people in mind, think of things that you can do to make them feel more loved or listened to. Make it about them. Be interested in others. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Don't compare yourself to other people. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Give yourself a break. This is a hard stage. I would rather eat a basket of dung than be 16 again. BLECK! Believe me, as someone who was bullied and has been a bully, it gets much better. You are just now figuring out who you are and what you want. It is natural for people to be disappointed when they realize that they can't be perfect or good, no matter how hard they try. Love people, but don't rely on them. Find another source of strength. No human being can understand us fully, no human being can give us unconditional love, no human being can offer constant affection, no human being can enter into the core of our being and heal our hearts. I'm going to recommend that you make a list of all the things you like about yourself, and read that over a few times. If you need ideas, ask your mom. Moms tend to be your biggest fan :)

Answer 2

Ok darl, first things first. You are 16, it is now a medical fact, that the hormones and chemicals racing through a teenagers body is equivalent to brain damage, what that means is that everything gets all topsy turvy from puberty until adulthood, and it is a time when you also have to go through the most traumatic experiences of one's short life, including high school, love and loss.

Sometimes we find it easier to shut down and hope everything goes away and things will get easier. Well they will, but everything takes time and everything takes experience. It can appear easier for some rather than others. But we all usually get there in the end.

If you really are having a tough time, then take some time out and speak to a professional. This is not a failing, but just perhaps a way of putting thoughts and emotions in a better more coherant order.

Teenage years are tough, for me it was the worst time of my life, until I got it all sorted out, with help!

Remember you are loved, people do like you, and it all works out in the end, though it may not seem like it right now.

Talk to someone, and make it through.

Answer 3

You're the same age as one of my sons, so I'll treat you the same way. First of all, all teenagers tend to blow things out of proportion. I know you don't think so now, but after youv'e been around as long as I have, you'll agree. However, that doesn't change the way you feel and I understand that. Son, women and friends come and they also go. Just wait until someone you've loved for 20 years leaves you for someone else and then you'll realize the friend-girl business of yours isn't such a big deal after all. But take my word for it, stewing or being angry about it doesn't change how others feel but will only make you miserable.

I also know about the severe bullying, I stuttered badly as a kid. I put up with all kinds of ridicule from both kids and adults and yes it hurts. I can tell that your self confidence is shot all to hell and only you can fix that. I did that by studying and becoming better educated. That helps in two ways; when someone is calling you names or giving you a hard time, you can use big words to call them anything you want and they'll stand there bewildered having no idea what you just called them. One kid that bullied me couldn't figure out business math, so I showed him simple shortcuts. He passed math class and was my friend after that. Don't try to impress others but instead impress yourself with what you can do.

You still have a lot of living to do, so try to realize that the past is like having missed a blue light special at K-Mart. It's over and done with and there isn't a thing you can do to change that. So instead wait around for the next one to come along. All kids do stupid things and you and I are no exception. Don't beat yourself up over it.

It sounds like you're definately trying to improve yourself, but if all you're doing is burying some personal anger deep inside you, some day you'll explode and shoot up a shopping mall or have police gun you down. Don't wait for that to happen, go talk to the school counselor, minister, parents or someone who can talk sensibaly. Don't go talk to other troubled or depressed teenagers, they're the last one you want to take advice from. You sound like you could at the minimum use someone to talk to and at the most, prescribe anti depressants. Derpession often first shows up at your age, it did my older son. Sometimes kids outgrow it and never need pills again while others need them the rest of their days. Don't let the stigma of being "crazy" stop you from getting help. If you had diabetes or some other illness you wouldn't have any qualms about taking medication, so don't worry about it.

Just remember this, the more intelligent a person is, the more likely they will suffer with depression. Fact. So if you are, at least you know you're not an idoit. Besides, when was the last time you saw a retarded person depressed? Never. Good luck.

Answer 4

Um, stop drinking. One day you are going to get so pissed off that you drink to much and end up killing yourself. And yes, that is kind of a bad thing to say to your "ex's", but you shouldn't be spending every single day of your life being sad. What you said to them is said, and it is time to move on. You are not the worst person in the world. Maybe you need to write a sincere letter to your ex explaining that you are sorry for what you said. Maybe this is could be to much and you should let it go with a prayer. Forgiving god what you said could help your ex's to forgive you in a way. Move on with your life, and if needed go to a support group Good luck! Cameron Page.

Answer 5

I think a lot of teens go through a phase in their lives when they doubt everything about themselves. You are on the right path with recognizing that you have a problem. - I used to be really hard on myself, like you, when I was your age. - I sort of felt like people were just going to hurt me and disappoint me so I did it them first. - It took me a very long time to feel better about myself. I just learned that people are what they are and you can't do anything about that, but you can change yourself by knowing that you aren't perfect, you never will be. As long as you are a good person, take good care of yourself, respect yourself and others, the rest WILL fall into place. You don't need a lot of friends, just a small circle who accept you for who you are. As for dating...well, that sucks at 16 and it sucks at 26. Just learn and grow from the people who cross your path. I am 35 now and still have my "days" when I think I'm not getting it right, but I just push forward. I have to, YOU have to. - Good luck!!!!

Answer 6

I believe that you are pushing people away because you're afraid of getting hurt again like you did by your so called best friend. When I was your age, I had the same thing happen to me and many of my friends, and it really really hurt, but I got up and continued to walk forward. Life is not always perfect, but you got to learn to get up after you fall. Don't be so hard on yourself because everyone goes through stuff like this, but never talks about it. You have to be happy with yourself by loving who you are and what you're all about. I wish I was your age again, It was the best time of my life, even though I went through life experiences like yours. Remember, NOBODY is perfect. Life is to short not to be happy.