My husband and I have custody of his two children. Their mother has been in and out of their lives- one time she didn't see or speak to them at all for two years. She has been coming to get them for her court-appointed visitations for the last two years. She gets them Tuesdays from 3-7pm and Saturdays 9-7. She started dating a guy about a year ago and they have recently moved in together. We know for a fact that he physically abuses her as she has had to have stitches in her face which she admits that he did.
My question is this: she had them today for their normal visit and called me around 3:30 to tell me that she had to work at 4pm and gave the kids a choice whether they wanted to go ahead home or stay with the boyfriend until 7 when the visit was up. My oldest (boy) wanted to come home the 7yr old girl wanted to stay with the bf, I told her no--she screams that I have no legal right that they are hers till 7 and its up to her where they are. She says she is taking us to court.Help!
2007-12-08 13:37:03 · 10 answers · asked by mel_adramatic1981 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm basically wondering if she has any legal ground to stand on? Is it ok for her 23 yr old bf that we know very little about (none of it good) to be alone for three hours with our 7yr old daughter when she could just as easily come home instead? She says it's no different than me watching them when my husband is at work but we are married, i have raised them since they were little, and we are the primary custodians. I just think that they are there to visit with her, not with him and if she for some reason can't fill her duty for the day she needs to bring them home. Legally, am I right to insist that she brings them home?
2007-12-08 13:39:21 · update #1
To the person who said that I have no rights as a parent...while this may be legally true I have been their mother--the one raising them for six and a half years (since the youngest was 6mths old) and this was by the mother's choice not because we didn't allow her to see them. If you are dumb enough to believe that a mother has to be the person who biologically gave birth to you and not the person who took care of you your whole life, then I don't need your opinion. Thanks, And to the person who said we should handle it like adults--I in absolutely no way said she could not have the children for HER visitation, just said that when she couldn't be present for it, her right to visitation shouldn't be passed on to whoever she happens to be dating at the time. She was more than welcome to keep them until the visitation was over but since she had to work...I say she brings them home. Everyone else, thanks for the confirmation...I think we will go back to family court and get that settled.
2007-12-08 14:39:11 · update #2
I'm a step mom (we prefer bonus to step in out house :) ) to two girls and my hubby has had custody for 6 of the 10 years I have been in their lives. I may not have legal rights to them but I have heart rights. I have been raising them for 6 years and they love me like a mom and I love them like they aremy kids. That being said, you are completely in the right. The visitation is her visitation, not the boyfriend's and if she's not home then the kids need to come home. It would be different if they were married or if she just had to run into work for a few minutes and was going to be back....but if she's not going to be home for the rest of the vistation, she needs to bring them home. I'm pretty sure that a judge will back you guys up on this. Is there any way you can get documentation of the domestic abuse? Do you think she went to the ER? Was there a police report filed? Also, I know, because I am in the same situation, how difficult the tightrope is that you're walking. When it comes to the ex, your hubby really should be the one that is telling her no, or the way it is going to be with the kids. It really makes things easier on the kids. I have as much say in what happens with my girls as my hubby, he always consults me and we make the decision together...but as far as the ex wife is concerned, it's his decision. This makes things much simpler and creates less animosity. If she calls about something and he's not home, I tell her I'll check with him and call her back. Even if I can't reach him or if it's something that I'm not going to bother him with because I know what his decision would be..I still do that. When I call her back I present it as his decision, and he always backs me up. JMHO
2007-12-09 00:20:53 · answer #1 · answered by aly_des 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only does she have to bring the kids home if she can not be there but you possibly can ask for visitation only at your home or some other place where visitation can be supervised to keep them away from the boyfriend. If she will listen to you tell her to go to a domestic violence site or shelter and lose this guy. If there was a court record made of when he had to have the stiches or a medical record, the court can take that into consideration but the children should never be around him, visitation or not!!
2007-12-08 14:02:39 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry but you don't have any legal right even though you should, I raised my step daughter like my own and had the same situation with her mom in and out. I would discuss it with your husband and go back to court. i see you only want the best for YOUR children because they are yours to. It sounds like you have been the stable 1 in their life. Even though you are not their biological mom, you sound like you do a great job being the mom, it takes more than 1 night to be a true mom good luck
2007-12-08 14:35:17 · answer #3 · answered by sweetnee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I thnk that this should be worked out like adults. I mean to keep a woman away from her kids isn't right. If there is documented abuse from the bf to the kids is one thing. I think that it could be handled a lot better. But denying her her visatation gives her the right to take you all to court. You could have rescheduled it to another day or something. But to flat out refuse is not good at all. Period. Have some decorum about the situation. Be civil and work this out like adults.
2007-12-08 14:05:16 · answer #4 · answered by rashida_16 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Subject: FW: Fwd: FW: Stop leaving your kids with your boyfriend!!!!
Unfortunately, this can occur in the care of anyone who isn't fit to be around human beings. Just be careful in general.
10-month-old girl's death ruled homicide
Monday, November 19, 2007
By Nate Guidry, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
The Allegheny County medical examiner yesterday determined that 10-month-old Daniyah Jackson died from multisystem organ failure precipitated by injuries to her abdomen and from a sexual assault. Her death has been ruled a homicide.
KDKA
Daniyah Jackson
Police are expected to charge Clinton Smith, 30, with homicide. Before the child died, he was charged with rape, involuntary deviate sexual intercourse with a child, endangering the welfare of a child, aggravated assault and recklessly endangering another person in the case.
According to police, the girl's mother, Latoya Jackson, left Daniyah in the care of Mr. Smith on Thursday morning at her Herman Street home in Troy Hill when she left for work. Paramedics were called to the home that evening.
Police said the baby had suffered bruises on her face, arms and legs as well as a bite mark on her chest. Doctors told police she also had been sexually abused.
Mr. Smith told police that he and his 2-year-old son were the only other people in the house that day, but that he didn't know how the baby was injured.
The girl was pronounced dead at 3:34 p.m. Saturday at Children's Hospital, according to the county medical examiner's office.
This precious life, Da'Niyah Marie Jackson, was taken as a result of having been sexually assaulted allegedly by the mother's live-in boyfriend, Clinton Smith. The crime took place in Pennsylvania and Smith has been arrested and is currently behind bars.
Mothers - isn't it past time that we as caretakers and guardians stop leaving our children, particularly young daughters, alone with live in (or out) boyfriends? How many more young children will have to suffer before we begin to start making different choices when it comes to our children's care taking?
Just thought this would help you in your decision, maybe you can share it with the mother.
2007-12-08 14:11:14 · answer #5 · answered by angeljones200 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your right and you did absolutely the right thing. The visitation is for HER not her boyfriend. And Kudos to you for stepping up and being a caring mother to the children.
2007-12-08 15:21:08 · answer #6 · answered by Who Knew? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is not his visitation. Make sure that when you go to court, you have proof of his physical abuses towards her so the boyfriend doesn't end up with your children. Who knows what he would do alone with the children....I am sure they just ran into the door knob.
2007-12-08 14:13:39 · answer #7 · answered by MJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You stated that the children belong to your husband and his ex-wife, not to you. Therefore YOU have absolutely not one single right to either of these children because NEITHER of them are YOURS. YOU are not their MOTHER! Their father has rights and can take her back to court to try and get visitation to end when their MOTHER goes to work, rather than leaving them with the boyfriend, but please, know what your place is. You need to stay out of the childrens' affairs, because you have no right to them and absolutely no standing with the law in any court in any state. If you and your husband were to divorce, you would not see those children, he would not pay you child support, etc.
I work in family law and have for many years. Step-parents often forget their place and cause lots of problems between the paretns of the children. You can be their friend, but never their parent.
2007-12-08 14:00:18 · answer #8 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
you are right the visitation is for the mother and her kids not some bf. but just to be sure you guys should review this in family court
2007-12-08 13:43:29 · answer #9 · answered by jmgnat 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The visitation "Belongs" to the mother if she is not there then the kids go home.
I had 3 different Judges say that so it is solids legally, and one even held her in contempt for not doing it.
If she can't be with the kids they go home... period
2007-12-08 13:58:52 · answer #10 · answered by eric_the_red_101 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋