What is the best way to tell people to "butt out"?

Question

I am going through a hard time in life and several family members feel they have the right to tell me what I should and should not be doing.

Should I send a group letter to ALL of the family telling them to knock it off or just to the offending ones?

Any ideas?

Answer 1

sure if you want to write a letter go for it. just tell them that at this point you would very much appreciate your privacy and to please allow you the time to handle your issues independently.

Answer 2

In some instances, and I think this one fits, a letter is a good idea. It gives you the distance, yet it's personal and it gives you the opportunity to think out what you're going to say very carefully.

I wouldn't send it out to everyone though, nor do you really need to send it out the those who you want to butt out. In every family, there are the "leaders", the ones who everyone else falls into place around. If you tell them, you love them and appreciate their concern, but right now, need your space and time to deal with your problems on your own and find your own path to take, it will be better than a blanket letter to everyone. This way, the ones who have the most influence in your family can say to leave you alone.

On another end, you are lucky to have people who love you and are worried. Not all of us have that. When going through a hard time, some of us don't have many options and end up living in a sailboat 3000 miles away from where our problems originated.

I know what you mean though. Sometimes, even the best advice just isn't what you want to hear.

Good luck my friend.


(((LISA)))

Answer 3

I've had times in my life when I felt that I was being judged by all and sundry. I tried the "tell 'em all off" route and that didn't work so well. When I found myself in that sort of situation again, I utilized the marshalling one's forces, then telling the offending ones to back off method. I talked to people I'd sensed were sympathetic about my problems, confirmed their support, asked if they'd be willing to say that to old so-and-so, and then, once I'd gone through everyone and gotten their consent, gone to old so-and-so and told him that I thought he was behaving atrociously, that my concerns were my own, and that there was an overwhelming amount of support for my position. Then when he asked, I was able to name names. He became so distracted by the support that I became less of an issue.

Answer 4

tough question ...

just a "for what it's worth" idea, but it seems like maybe a statement saying:

"life is a complex thing, and situations have many, many nuances that would take a LONG time to explain in depth and detail, but there are MANY conflicting considerations to deal with, and from the sidelines, it might not always appear to be understnadable, but if I really need advice. I'll ask for it .. and for now to please respect my position where I know more about what's going, more than I can really explain in simple, short sentences ...

please respect my ability to make my own decisions ( and I know more of what's unspoken than you might imagine ...)

If I need advice, let me ask ..
thank you ..."

and send it only to the ones who are really doing the intrusive bit

the other ones already understand mosst likely

:)

good luck{{{Lisa }}}

Answer 5

You could put a note in your Christmas letter and tell them you are having an auction ..... and whoever bids the highest will win the rights to control your life ..... lol ..... ok, in all seriousness, I would just tell them I thank you for all of your concern and love but I have things under control ...... and if I need help, I will definitely ask you ...... that way, they know you acknowledge they are there to help if needed but that you are ok and in control right now ..... hope this helps ..... = )

Answer 6

This is a difficult one, because the minute you even ask nicely to leave you alone, they will be offended. I asked my mom one time to quite sharing about my sisters problems to me and later on when I asked how my sister was she would not say a thing. She was mad at what I said. You could say that you appreciate their help and love, but their input is confusing you.

Answer 7

While I appreciate your concern, and care for my well-being. I must relate to you, that I am A big girl and what ever problems I may encounter in life, I can handle. And on the off chance that I can't, I would more than welcome your advise. Because I love you. With that being said...BACK OFF!.

Answer 8

just say "ummm...no thnx I got it from here"

I wouldn't send a letter lol written words have no personality and something you might mean as a request may come off as a demand! (even if it really is a demand but your just trying to be nice and request)

Answer 9

Just tell them...or be like this is an A and B conversation so C ur way our

Answer 10

Never put it in writing, there is always someone who will keep it forever. Tell the offending relatives, one at a time, just what you said here,and ask nicely that they let you solve your own problems. No threats, please.