I've fallen out of love with my husband, what should I do?

Question

I've been on yahoo answers too much now asking about my marital problems. I know my husband loves me, but the thing is I have fallen out of love with him. It happened a long time ago when he told me I had an "ugly face" and he knew of my low self esteem. I've since forgiven him, but my heart has been unfaithful to him ever since. I have allowed myself to look for my first love and since that didn't work out, I since fell for another man at work.

I'm afraid of divorce because what if I divorce only to find what I truly had with my husband? We don't have a lot of things in common and he's not the worse husband, but I just don't love him anymore. I care about him, just not love. I'm confused and don't know what I should do. We've been trying to have kids for a while now, but now I don't even think I want to have kids with him. I no longer see us together like that. I don't know how to approach divorce with him since it was hard enough breaking up with him when we were dating.

Answer 1

You need to do this now other wise it will just get harder day by day. I am married and have 2 kids with my husband. We stopped loving each other some 9 years back, but are together just because we don't know what and how to do the right thing. Let alone that I don't even know what is right.

By telling that, I am trying to tell you is if it is not good now it will never get better. If by mistake if you get pregnant you will never be able to leave as for the kids there is no other dad. Do it now and do it quick otherwise you will start living like a dead person and stop feeling for yourself. If you are able to have affair that means you still know how to feel good. Go with it before that feeling also goes away.

Good luck!!!

Answer 2

People say mean things sometimes and I'm wondering why your husband would say such a thing to you? Has he always been that way, or just recently, what might have affected his feelings towards you?

If this man isn't loving, caring and respectful to you, then no amount of counseling will help change him or his feelings towards you. But you also need to be honest about your feelings towards him and how he makes you feel...

I suggest having a heart to heart talk with him to find out what you mean to him and if that doesn't get things on the right track, I'd suggest getting a legal separation to show you are serious, as a wake up call to see if he's willing to change, then you might be able to salvage what's left of your relationship through counseling, if that's what you both want, since it's tough trying to save a marriage all by yourself.

Try this site…

Answer 3

Get yourself to a psychologist right away. You need to explore who you are and what you want in life before you change your marital status. You may find out you have a great husband and you can find the love you once had with him again. OR, you may find out you need a divorce and how to get one. But, first, you need a professional to help you sort out your feelings. Tell your husband you are feeling depressed and need some counseling, and go. In the meantime, use birth control. Cheating on your husband is a bad move, by the way. It only confuses the issues. Stop seeing other guys and be faithful UNTIL you get a divorce, if that is what you finally decide.

Answer 4

If your husband told you you had an ugly face, knowing you have low self esteem, then he's a bully. He's putting you down to beef himself up. That's just so wrong. Does he know how much this hurt you? You said you're afraid of divorce because you might find out what you truly had with him. What did you have? You don't deserve to be treated this way. Having low self esteem doesn't help you because you're always going to be afraid to take that step to move on. Yes it's hard, but if you truly don't love him anymore, no counseling is going to help you. You need to start living your life for yourself to find some happiness. And you know what? It doesn't necessarily mean you have to have a man in your life to find that happiness. You might want to get some counseling just for yourself to help you with your self esteem. The counselor can help you overcome your fears and hopefully one day you will realize that you deserve way more than the treatment your husband has given you. You can do it. It just takes that first step.

Answer 5

First of all, I think the two of you should not even consider having kids together anymore. If you have kids now that will only add to your problems. Besides I don't think it is fair to bring in kids into a marriage that has these kinds of problems. I honestly think that you should tell your husband how you feel and when you do that the only think left to do will be to get a divorce. It is not good to stay with someone that you no longer feel anything for. But be cautious not to leave him just because of another man. If you want to leave him it should be because of what you no longer feel for him and that you can no longer rebuild together.

Answer 6

If a divorce is the only thing to make you realise what you have , then go for it.
why not try a trial separation so you can sort your feelings out, but don't use it just to put yourself around to see if your missing something, there's usually no way back then.

as for telling you you had an ugly face, not a nice thing to say but you should get over it, we all say things that we don't mean now and again and for the wrong reasons.

1 last thing , forget about kids for now ,unless your in love then kids always make things worse.

Answer 7

I think your best course of action would be to try some counseling. You could try marriage counseling with your husband to see if the rift can be mended. If he loves you and wants to stay with you, he should be willing. Or you could try individual counseling.
That was a particularly unkind thing for him to have said to you, but I do not think many marriages fail because of one remark. You need to figure out what's going on in this relationship.
Whatever else you decide to do, stop trying to have a baby immediately. Having a baby with an unstable marriage is a disaster.
Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Only you can know what you want. If you truly have fallen out of love then there is no point in living a lie. On the other hand the grass is always greener on the other side. Why not suggest a trial separation and see how that goes.

Hope all goes well for you.

Answer 9

Try marriage counselling, it will help you find out whether you really want to make the marriage work. Some people are just afraid of being alone or of change, don't let life pass you by.
We all say things in arguments we don't mean, but only you know in your heart whether you truly want this for the rest of your life. Do you?

Answer 10

A man that calls you ugly is a man that doesn't deserve his wife.

I don't even know you, but I know you deserve better than that.

A husband, boyfriend, or whatever is someone who's supposed to make you feel good. Compliment you...even when it's not true. Have you ever heard Shania Twain's "Any Man Of Mine"? Play it over and over again until it sinks in. Then find an attorney.