help me! i hate my mom?

Question

my mom is really overprotective. i told her that my freinds drink and then she used it against me. i told her that in confidence so that she would trust me more. i don't understand her . I am 15 and she wont let me go to anyones house when their parents arent home she bothers me so much and she doesnt understand me. she pushes me too hard. she like tries to live her life over again through me. she makes me run for my grades president. i won , but she pushes me so hard. she tried to make me perfect and says i can do better in my Adavanced class (that im not supposed to be in) but i really cant. my dad understands but my mom is CRAZY and she doesn't even listen to what he has to say. she yells like a mad women and it pisses me off. she thinks shes always right and never wrong. i wish my parents would divorce so i could live with my dad and not have all this added stress from my mom. i already have enough at school becuase she pushes too much on me

i did try and talk to her and she just blahed me and said i do trust you, but obviously not if she wont let me over my freinds house.
and my dad does care he tries to talk to my mom and to tell her to loosen up on me but she doesnt listen to him. im telling you she drives me nuts. and shes so lazy and cheap. she makes me clean the bathroom and says she wants to keep the house nice when meanwile shes the one leaving crap on the counters. also she thinks i steal from her and i never would do that but she doesnt believe me . she thinks my brother is an angel and lets him do whatever he wants i do understand.. and i wish for a divorce bcus my dad told me he wanted one but he didnt want to do that to us. my parents hate eachother

i meant i dont** understand

also my parents sent my older brother to boarding school because he couldn't deal with my mom, i would love to go , but i love my freinds and i couldn;t leave them. i told my mom i was responsible and she needed to loosen up and she said i know i know , but she never listened and she probably didn;t even rememeber a word i said after our conversation was over. she just thinks shes better than everyone else. she makes me hate myself so much!

Answer 1

Wow, did you write this while you were angry? I will tell you that throughout my life I have had this love/hate relationship with my mom. Now that I am older I understand it is because we are very similar. However, until you have children of your own, you will never understand the heart of your parents. Once you drew your first breath, there has never been a moment when you are out of their thoughts and prayers. The hours of worry are endless because as you get older you understand how quickly something can happen. Take the mall shooting the other day. Even schools are not safe havens anymore. She loves you and worries about you. Unfortunately, she is a very emotional person and something tells me you are too.
Try to sit down with her and have a calm conversation about what is eating at you. I'm betting you two will be able to find some common ground. Good Luck!

Answer 2

my mother was/is exactly like that. If you understand her reasoning it will be easier on you. My mother gave me a curfew of 6pm, knowing that I got out of school around 5 since I took seven classes and i had meetings to attend. I was also in advanced placement classes, and i was forced to do my best. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere with anyone she didnt approve of, and she was also trying to live through me...I agree with you that it is very unfair. That you have your own life to live and you want to make your OWN mistakes. That you don't need anyone else telling you to not be an idiot. I too confided in my mother of what my friends did, i reasoned that at least I wasn't doing those things. I reasoned that I wasn't the pregnant girl down the street, but none of that really matters in her eyes because she is just striving to protect you and make sure you be the best you can be. It's very hard to live with, I never had the luxury of having a father to run to, so atleast be grateful for that. My advice to you is to try the best you can in school to prove to her that you can do it and you aren't an idiot, sooner or later she will loosen up and perhaps give you more liberty. Don't try to drink the full glass right now you are still young. Things will get better, my mother is still trying to control my life and I am in the university. But she is having a hard time because I moved out! I moved out while I was still 17 (i'm 18 now) ....so have a little patience and dont let your mother take you on this emotional rollercoaster that you probably dont deserve. Dont wish for a divorce either, that isn't very nice. It's actually a bit selfish. I know its tough but just bare with it a little longer you'll get your chances to do what you want. Think about the future...maybe college away from home? you would be happy and so would she if she knows you are succeeding somewhere. Well I hope I put things a bit in perspective for you. You can always message me and talk about it if you want, since my mum seems to be similar to yours. either way be patient. good luck. :)

Answer 3

Perfectly normal. You are both flawed human beings so it's quite natural that you aren't going to get on with each other ALL the time. This happens especially when you are a teen and want more freedom to express yourself because you are going to be difficult to deal with from her point of view as she's still responsible for your wellbeing and has to decide all the time whether you are old enough to handle it. From your point of view you feel you are mature and can't understand why she's not going to let you do things just because you want to. It all spells HUGE friction. Best thing to do is lie low if you can and keep out of each other's way so you don't clash too much. You are both going through a big change in your lives. She's got to learn that you are no longer a kid anymore - while you have to learn that you cannot take total responsibility for yourself immediately. There has to be give and take on both sides - and clashing head on all the time just doesn't solve the problem. She has to relax a bit and you have to show that you are becoming a responsible adult. It's all called part of growing up....for both of you.

Answer 4

I kinda get what you mean. If your mom doesn't listen to you sometimes you should prove to her that she was wrong but sometimes they will piss her off even more. Your mom is only trying to help you, you need to tell her that you are a responsible person and that you are perfectly capable of making your own decisions and if you need help or are in need of an opinion you will ask. You really shouldn't wish your parents get divorced my parents divorced when I was 7 . I had to move from all my friends that I'd known all my life because of it. Also if you get good grades and study and keep your room neat and tidy she might change a little. Also have you considered boarding school you can still visit your dad and holiday vacations are longer. Good luck with your mom!

Answer 5

You're only 15, you are too young to be around peers who drink. You are also too immature to be at a friend's home without adult supervision. Until you leave home your parents are responsible for you and if you get into any trouble with the law at your age your parents are liable and could wind up in jail because of you. But you wouldn't care because you are a selifish, self centered spoiled brat. Actually that might be good for you, the state could then place you into a foster home where you would be put on "house arrest" more than likely because of your attitude. I'm sure both your parents would get a great chuckle out of that...I know I would.

Answer 6

Okay so let me get this straight...

You told your mom you hang out with kids that drink, thinking that would make you responsible for being honest? Heck no! It makes you even more irresponsible for hanging out with them in the first place. Your mom shouldn't let you go somewhere unsupervised...you are a child. She should push you to do good in school, so you can get into a good college and have a nice life. That way you don't end up 17 years old, with a kid already, knocked up with another one, and a career in fast food and no hopes for a better job.

Why don't you try pushing yourself harder, appreciating that you have a mom that cares, tell your dad you don't appreciate that he doesn't care, drop your loser friends and be the best person you can be?

Answer 7

Mother/daughter relationships during the teen years are very difficult. Your mom wants to protect you from making mistakes that would impact your future. Maybe mistakes she made when she was your age.

If you can have a conversation with her without it turning into a screaming match, I'd say try that. Explain how you feel...that you love her, but you're feeling overwhelmed by her protective behavior.

My daughter came to me and told me she was smoking weed and I was devestated. But I kept calm. I told her why I thought she was making a mistake. But I can't stop her from doing that behavior. For me, the most important thing is that we can talk about anything...even if we disagree. I wish she'd stop smoking; but at least we talk about it.

Just keep in mind your mom loves you dearly and she wants to protect you. You see her protection as controlling. Remember you love her even if you can't talk right now.

I promise, you'll both come back together as friends in a few years. For right now, you need to be mature and make your decisions thoughtfully.

Answer 8

She is just concerned about you hanging out with friends who drink when their parents are not around...that is understandable. I can see your point about confiding in her and having it used against you though; however, in this case your mom is right to not want you hanging out with them knowing what they are up to if their parents are not home. As for pushing you too hard you do still do what she wants since you ran for grades president because she wanted you to. So, you are saying she pushes too hard yet you still do what she wants. Time to try and talk to her about this...she honestly just wants you to be the best person you can be and try and keep you away from bad influences like any good mother would. Your dad is not saying anything so he seems like the good guy...if you lived with him he would have to enforce rules too because your mom wouldn't be around to do it. Just be glad you have a mom who cares.

Answer 9

Wow that's tough...I feel bad for you. I don't know if there's very much you can do other than just do the best you can and don't take it personally when she yells at you. You don't have to do anything you don't want to and if she yells then so what? It's your life.
Maybe you should sit down with her and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you're not happy being pushed this hard, that she's not helping you, and ask if she can just accept you for who you are.

Answer 10

i know exactly what you are goin through! my dad is like that & i wished that my parents would get a divorce & i told my dad that i hated him & then they did get a divorce & my mom got full custody of me & now i really miss my dad even though we didn't get along at all & i thought i hated him but then when he was gone i realized he was just trying to do what he thought was best for me. all i can say is just try to talk to your mom about it & don't wish for them to get a divorce. (trust me if they do you will feel really guilty & then you will end up missing her)