I have been married for 5 yrs. now. I find my self not wanting to get out of the house and i have gain 20lbs.My husband is not a romantic guy. In fact he does not even touch me any more and when he does he does it to shut me up.he never kisses me romanticly . I do the cooking and cleaning i pay the bills and i even have to take care of my own car.( flats and all). I was in the hospital once for surgery and he got lost in the hosptol and couldn't get there before they put me to sleep. But he brought me to the hospital. He says he love me more than i know. But he's never there for me . Can anyone give me some advise.I'm not perfact by know meens. I do have my faults.I have tried to talk to him about it but he's the kind uv guy that is very closed. So he just looks at mewhen i ask himabout those things and says nothing. I guess i need someone to talk to. sparkle..
2007-12-08 10:34:42 · 6 answers · asked by sparkle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Was he romantic when you first got married? Try to rekindle the things that you know attracted you to him 5+ years ago. If this doesn't work please seek counseling. GOOD LUCK
2007-12-08 10:55:55 · answer #1 · answered by lisaraye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this sounds rather harsh but when a famous actress in the 1930's was asked by her friend in reference to a less than happy marriage...."My dear, is the f***ing you're getting worth the f***ing you're getting?
Now, to ask in a kinder way...is he such a great lover/catch/husband that he's worth all the work you're doing in the marriage? You cook, clean,pay the bills (accounting service or a job outside the home?) and can even change a flat tire & keep your car in running order. So if he's not doing any of the above, then you don't need a man to take care of yourself, so he's not a provider or helpmate. Therefore,the only reason to be married to this guy is for the lovin'....which may be terrific, but you aint getting any of that either. Therefore, read the above actress quote and answer it for yourself......and perhaps you should ask him that question, paraphrased as well........
....Doing it all...able to do it all...Girl, look at ALL you're doing.......your self-esteem should be thru the roof....thinkaboudit Toots.
2007-12-08 18:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is important for you to learn to express to your husband what makes you feel loved. If that means telling him to be sure to get to your bedside before surgery, then you should tell him that.
I think the expression, "I love you more than you know" is a cop-out. Why should you have to guess, figure out, or assume how much he loves you? Teach him very specific ways of making you feel loved. It sounds like you need an more equitable distribution of the work, you need verbal acknowledgement of your contributions, you need him by your side (and not just in the building, lol, my husband had done the exact same thing) during important events, and you need physical affection.
On the last item, I'd ask simple things of him first. Like tell him you would like him to hug you more often - then work your way up to rubbing your leg while you watch tv, etc.
2007-12-08 19:04:48 · answer #3 · answered by xxxxxxxxx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will give you a site to help you get your self esteem back but you may find that if you do, you will get rid of this guy or demand he go to counseling with you to get the marriage back on track. Perhaps he also suffers from lack of self esteem and the site may help him as well. Good Luck to you!!
2007-12-08 18:47:16 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cook. You clean. AND you fix flat tires!!!
If I were a single guy, I'd want your phone number. Pronto.
2007-12-08 18:42:04 · answer #5 · answered by lynx 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I would try marriage therapy
2007-12-08 18:44:12 · answer #6 · answered by john d 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋