What does this all mean? Are we on the verge of a break up?

Question

I've been w/ my boyfriend for almost 2 years, but the past 4 months have been really bad. We're both in college, both 20 years old, and are studying abroad together next semester. It's gotten to the point where all we do is hang out with each other, and where I'm very doubtful, constantly questioning him, and not feeling loved. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't WANT to hang out with me, and he doesn't love me as much as he used to, and I tell him that. We got in a fight about how I need to change and I nit pick too much, and then I said if Im that terrible why dont you dump me? So he did. He said that he does love me, and he always will, but right now he's not happy, and I'm not either so he did that for the better. Well by the end of the night we were back together again. The next day it was like nothing had even happened we went to the mall and had a good time. I can tell I don't make him as happy as I used to. Suggestions on what I should do?

I know he still loves me, but not like he used to. He said it's changed because I doubted him so much, and I think it also has to do with the fact all we do is hang out with each other. He also says he's done everything for me, but nothing is ever good enough. I know he blames it all on me, on the fact that I'm too nit picky, but I wonder if his feelings have changed; he says they haven't, and he still calls me every day and wants to see me every day, and I do know he loves me, but I thnk he's just "numb." Is it possible to get back what we used to have? Suggestions?

Answer 1

Maybe you could try losing some weight.

Answer 2

Smile a lot and look at him like you love him. Be happy that he is there and act like it. Every time he calls, sound happy. Like there is no one else on the planet that you would rather talk to or be with. Men love to be stroked. (Complemented) If he does something sweet, say so, if he looks hot, SAY SO. (I love how those jeans look on you) or haircut, etc. Tell him how great it is to talk to him and you were looking forward to his call. Is there something you would like for me to do? A back rub? Get some lotions that are not too girlie smelling and give him a massage! Feed him blind folded. Only things he loves. There is a book that I really love, especially if you think you may want to get married or already are, it is called Dear Lover for the women to read and Way of the Superior Man for the guys to read by David Deida. Pick up a copy at the bookstore and browse through it and see what you think. Say something to him once about your expectations and let it go. See what unfolds. If he hears you, you will know it. If not, let that part of your relationship go or leave. Is it worth it? It is not the honeymoon stage any more. Sometimes it is time to fish or cut bait. Give and take or if you cannot tolerate it, time to walk...

Answer 3

you need some excitement and some spark. Daily life can get boring and he is looking back when things were new and exciting. Ummm well you just have to change things up a bit. Try new things you know. Only you know what that might be. Life can get that way sometimes but you have to stay the course if you want to be together. If you get married and live a long time.... do you think the next 50 or so years are going to be rosy and fun every day? NO real life sucks and you just have to be a grown up about it and work for a better relationship. Hmmmm its hard to think about this from the woman's point of view so I'll just leave it at this. If i was a the guy in this relationship I would try and surprise you more often and be more spontaneous. I am always doing things for my wife and setting up dates and just going out of my way to make her happy when she least expects it. Just know that you pick to be happy. It is not something you work towards.

Answer 4

I feel the same way sometimes with my boyfriend..and one day he told me that he was not happy because of my lack of trust for him...and that it needed to change. I don't know if it's trust issues you have or you just doubt things because maybe of previous relationships. Things are a lot better with my boyfriend and I because we sat down and talked and things changed for the better. Obviously, you're concerned..so why not just be happy when you spend time with him. Don't be so doubtful and have a little faith. Maybe you guys should hang out with friends together..or apart. Sometimes guys need their space..and that's not because they don't love you or want to be with you..it's just something they need and you just have to do it..it's like that saying "Love is like sand, if you hold on too tightly, it'll run through your fingers." As long as you guys know you love each other and are willing to work through any problems..i think you guys will be fine =]


Hope everything works out!!

Answer 5

You just need to give each other your own space right now and then when you are BOTH ready you can get back together and be much more than you were before and maybe you should talk to him about seeing other people in bettween and if it doesn't feel the same then you have something and it might work out in the long run.

Answer 6

Whatever you do don't get married. Here are the facts of life before you do anything stupid:

1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage ruins relationships(moving in is the same)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want to hear the truth if not just
keep believing the lies you hear from
everyone around you.

Answer 7

To tell you the truth, I've been feeling lately like we are just drifting further and further apart. I feel like we're just going through the motions anymore and stay together because its comfortable. I cannot honestly say that I am in love with you any longer. Of course I'll still love you always because of the past that we've shared but I just don't think its the right kind of love anymore. I mean, in the past few months I think we've let ourselves go. We haven't gone to the gym in months, all we do is go out and eat, and I can't tell you the last time one of us hung out with our friends without each other there. And that time I went over to Zack's without you really doesn't count because when I called you I'm pretty sure I heard "our" ringtone coming from the bushes outside. You know that ringtone "that makes me craaaazzzzyyyyyyy..." Anyway I think we might need a break. I can't really say what that means exactly except that we probably need a little time apart to figure out what we really want out of this relationhip or if we want it at all. I wish you the very best because you certainly deserve it baby.

Oh and I may have slept with your sister a few months back.

Love,

Me (Standard Relationship Guy)

Answer 8

Dont worry so much. Just chill out and enjoy each other and try not to doubt him so much. We are only promised one day at a time in life, so enjoy what you have now and dont worry so much about the future. If its meant to be, then it will happen, if not, then there is nothing nobody can do. So, sit back, relax a bit, take life at face value and be happy. Good luck.

Answer 9

For one, no one can expect happiness from other people. Happiness comes from within, how you feel. Number two, take people the way they are. It's o.k. to compromise under circumstances especially in relationships, we should set boundaries. It's good to express how you feel if there's an issue that is taking away from the relationship. Always talk from your heart and let him know how you feel. There are two places where I never want to find myself in a relationship, that is; the only person with real feelings in love or the only person that is miserable. Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds like you really ANNOYING, why don't you give him some space. Truthfully he's probably tired of you but if your studying abroad he won't think of giving you up because wheres he going to meet someone new that he can keep? It's on you if you want it to work lighten up a little and put some trust in him. If you are bored with the situation and your boyfriend cause you just hang out then that's on you find something for both of you to do...........If all else fails come to me for your "attention" you need. :)

Answer 11

Breaking up is hard to do but the fact of the matter is that people grow apart. I'm sure he still loves you as you do him and you will always have special feelings for one another, but you're still young. There are other fish in the sea. Who knows though, you may end up getting back together some day. Good luck.