I met him when I was seperated from my husband and was just getting to know him. I fell inlove with him but I still got back with my husband for my daughter and because I didn't know how he felt for me. He broke it off a year ago this month, yet we see eachother atleast every other month for either one or two nights together. I don't know what his life is like, does he have a girlfriend, is he married too? but I can't seem to just be happy with my husband. It's like I NEED to have my lover too. and although I know my lover will never commit to me, I love every moment we spend together even if its for one day. How do I stop hurting myself and my family when it hurts to think of letting go? I've never cheated in ANY relationship before this, but I am jaded from being cheated on. Am I just pissed off and won't let go of my past? Crap...I'm so dang confused. I just want to have the strength to let go of someone. And should I tell my lover I'm inlove with him? Help!!!!
2007-12-08 07:48:27 · 10 answers · asked by Fiera69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What was the reason for the separation? Take the time to really reflect on what is your feelings about your husband and your lover What is good about each and what is bad in each, sometimes this is really the turning point. If needed see a councilor to help in giving you a clear picture of the situation that you are in.Just a thought does your lover treat you and show you proper respects to you and the situation? Does yoru husband understand the situation that the marriage is in? Does he love you and does he show it? What your daughter is seeing and going thought should also be thought of. She has to live with you and her dad going through the motions, what is her take on what is going on in your relation. If your daughter older than 6 years old you would be surprised at what she sees. Hope for the Best. Please do not de-value yourself or your feelings.
2007-12-08 08:20:44 · answer #1 · answered by Joseph O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, this is an answer you must figure out by yourself. No one knows better than you what you most treasure. What I can do is simply help you understand that one cannot run after two rabbits... you may risk losing them both. Once you've figured this thing out, you have to take things and judge. It is clear that one of the 2 men in your life will end up broken hearted....So try following these scenarios:
1. You tell your lover (whom you practically know nothing about) that you love him.
1.a. He answers "Me too"... A possible happy end?? Go to 2.
1.b. He says "I don't"... THEN WHAT?
2. You tell your husband that you have an affair
2.a. He forgives you (I honestly doubt that), and then you can choose either 1 or 4.
2.b. You lose him and possibly your child... go back to 1.
3. You end the affair... Correct, yet.... WHAT ABOUT LOVE??
4. You don't say anything to anybody, and continue feeling both guilty and troubled (in my opinion, not an option).
Anything you might do, never forget that u have to be very sure... once you've done it there's no turning back. And another thing: no matter what you choose, never look back!! Choose your path and never have any hard feelings.....
Good luck, it is a very delicate situation!
2007-12-08 17:06:16 · answer #2 · answered by Ciumpirik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If things keep going the way they are,your past will find you! You say you" love "your husband but you really don't if your seeing this man 1 to 2 times a month. If your husband is doing/not doing something that you want/need, you let him know and not just go to someone else unless he's fine with it(some are/aren't). Men & women are the same, they want their cake & eat it too! Find out what your problem is with you and your husband first, find out if it's just you(ya never know) before you let the other man go/or stay.
2007-12-08 20:52:39 · answer #3 · answered by pedebeed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you tell your lover you are in love with him one he will say the same or two he will run. If he dose 2 then no need to let go he will do it for you. Now it isn't right to stay in a marriage you are not committed too. even if it is for your daughter. You are teaching her it is ok to stay in a loveless marriage and you wouldn't wish that on her. I think it is time for some marriage counseling or even just some counseling for you to help you sort out what it is you need and want for this point on....
2007-12-08 15:56:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't have to get back with your husband for your daughter. I know I wont get 10 points for saying this but you are selfish, you want your husband and daughter, but also want your lover. How would you feel if you were cheated on? Talk to your husband, and try to work it out. you should be honest. I think your husband will forgive if your honest. But lies just make it worst.
2007-12-08 15:58:05 · answer #5 · answered by lifelongskinsfan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you and your husband need to go to some type of marriage therapy....if you want to make your marriage work. if you want someone that will never commit to you, then you need to let go of your husband that you are being unfaithful to. it's not fair to your husband for you to betray him like this. a marriage never works when couples stay together just for the kids. you need to figure out what you really want...a loving home, husband and family or a man that only wants to have sex with you and have no other ties to you and really doesn't give a crap about you. if you tell him that you love him, then i have a funny feeling that he will just walk away.
2007-12-08 16:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by Latino Heat 4ever 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are cheating on your husband obviously you dont love with him do him and your child a favor and leave him wether for someone else or to be alone and straighten your head out you are hurting him more and your child what happens when he finds out. Your child will only be hurt more by the two of you fighting and its not good for the child , what if the child finds out you are cheating children learn by what they live and you are paving the road to your child to grow up and be a cheater is that what you want for your child
2007-12-08 15:57:01 · answer #7 · answered by im2much67 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't even have to read it all. What a train wreck!! After I read "He broke it off a year ago, but we see still see each other." What the Hell does that mean? Do your husband a favor and move on.
2007-12-08 16:31:51 · answer #8 · answered by William B music lover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very hurt, confused, lost, mixed up in your feelings, unhappy and numb to feelings? Yep. That's what cheating does. Too bad you aren't happy, content, full of love, joy, fulfilled. That's what people who are honest feel like.
2007-12-08 22:04:51 · answer #9 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may try being honest with them both! You have to put the shoe on the other foot! Just for the record....it's not just men that cheat! Best of luck to you and your others!
2007-12-08 16:00:01 · answer #10 · answered by david 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋